Intimacy: Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking... - FML

By Anonymous - 01/08/2012 09:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML

agreeclassic 39 754

vote type 1 6 605

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MY EYES

By bleach bleach bleach - 22/12/2013 17:22 - United States - Las Vegas

Spicy

Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML

agreeclassic 56 913

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By lonelygal69 - 19/08/2015 05:54 - United States - Stafford

Spicy

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

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It's sus to us

By inder - 25/02/2011 16:03 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

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Better safe

By stretchy - 06/05/2013 19:58 - United States - Bethesda

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

agreeclassic 57 704

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Niiiiiice!

By cameltoeyourface - 26/07/2010 00:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

agreeclassic 35 027

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By Anon - 15/03/2016 06:52 - United States - Pasco

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML

agreeclassic 21 903

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Pragmatic

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 14:05 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML

agreeclassic 25 005

vote type 1 4 973

Wait for me!

By Anonymous - 06/04/2024 13:00 - United States - Marshfield

Spicy

Today, my husband has recently discovered prostate play. He is now using my sextoys to pleasure himself and not telling me until after. He doesn't see the problem. FML

agreeclassic 539

vote type 1 186

By LondonKitsch - 26/06/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

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vote type 1 29 781

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

agreeclassic 30 973

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Next

TOP COMMENTS

saintsrocksocks 10

Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:01

Well somebody has to do it if you won't.

ChefPhilly 13

Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:03

Maybe somebody isn't doing their job enough...

Comments

SoultheWolf 19

Saturday 4 August 2012 3:42

Your husband is a moron, the only way to do that is if you're double jointed or missing some ribs. I would start giving him really crappy bjs and bite it just to piss him off for that.

kristasanchez17 2

Saturday 4 August 2012 5:39

He is a keeper lol

larouche362 10

Saturday 4 August 2012 19:58

One word. Horny... but think of the alien guy meme the one with the hair that rises every year but whatever off topic.

superswagger13 2

Saturday 4 August 2012 21:23

Your husband is gay. Any man who wants any dick anywhere near his mouth will soon be taking it up the butt.

bmitchell2010 1

Sunday 5 August 2012 8:08

You must be doing something wrong.

Mandi6277 5

Sunday 5 August 2012 11:43

L

Sarita46 3

Sunday 5 August 2012 23:19

That's way too funny though sucks XD

zoomrascal33 2

Wednesday 22 August 2012 19:24

Haha sexy rawr

PurpleDemigod 0

Sunday 26 August 2012 10:49

The American dream.

khildebrand2294 9

Tuesday 28 August 2012 4:49

Learn to blow him better!! Clearly you're not doing the good job u thought u were!

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Today, my toddler is sick yet again. The only way he will sleep is me walking with him. It's 2:30 am, and I'm supposed to start back to full time employment in… 5 hours. Parenthood is not for the weak. FML

agreeclassic 458

vote type 1 137

Today, I finally found out why the water in my bottle had been tasting strangely minty for the past few weeks when I saw a piece of gum sitting at the bottom of it. I don't chew gum. FML

agreeclassic 3 522

vote type 1 1 131

Today, my dad finally told me why he never paid child support to my mom when he was supposed to for the last ten years. His reason? Because I'm a girl and I wasn't that important. FML

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vote type 1 3 633

Today, I had to help my constipated dog by squeezing crap out of her butt. This is a daily occurrence. FML

agreeclassic 48 179

vote type 1 6 109

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

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vote type 1 4 806

Today, I got absolutely hammered and noticed this familiar-looking chick. I walked up to her and said, "Oh my god, I know I know you but I don't know where from." Looking annoyed, she replied, "We've worked together for months." FML

agreeclassic 1 512

vote type 1 2 880