Intimacy, Kids, Health and Painful: Punctured

Punctured

By Anonymous - 21/09/2023 15:00

Today, thanks to my son leaving his sharpened colouring pencils all over the sofa before I sat down, I had to go to hospital with a deep hole poked in my left testicle. I always suspected he didn’t want younger siblings but this is going too far. FML

agreeclassic 577

vote type 1 135

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

Painful party trick

By Anonymous - 15/09/2022 19:00

Today, I caught my idiot son with a pencil up his penis, because apparently he wanted to see if he could use it to write with as a party trick to impress girls. I demanded he take it out, which he did, but the rubber eraser stayed inside his penis. Now I’m spending my Sunday holding his hand in A&E. FML

agreeclassic 1 776

vote type 1 249

Someone's getting coal from Santa...

By Anonymous - 15/12/2017 15:00

Today, my nephew stabbed me in the knee with a colouring pencil. The hospital says he ripped a hole in a tendon and I need surgery to fix it or one day it'll snap. I’ll have a limp for the rest of my life. FML

agreeclassic 6 002

vote type 1 291

By myfamilyisodd - 15/10/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, I had to take my son to the emergency room for shooting himself in the ass with a BB gun. FML

agreeclassic 32 504

vote type 1 5 240

Unusual diagnosis method

By Anonymous - 08/08/2022 16:00

Today, after my brother punched me in the balls a few weeks ago, and while I was clutching myself in pain I actually felt a hard lump on the right testicle, I got the results: it’s cancer but survivable if they remove the testicle. I had to thank my brother for saving me by punching me in the balls. FML

agreeclassic 1 211

vote type 1 135

By crushed dreams - 16/06/2011 06:20 - United States

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

agreeclassic 18 540

vote type 1 244 195

By Sherlock - 03/02/2010 16:02 - France

Today, my youngest son had to have stitches on his chin. He did great; I passed out. FML

agreeclassic 24 550

vote type 1 7 350

Nutshot

By Blue Nut Records - 31/10/2023 18:00 - Switzerland - Delémont

Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML

agreeclassic 344

vote type 1 93

By badmom - 25/02/2012 11:25 - Ireland

Today, my 18-year old son decided to run his hand over our wooden fence to try and get a splinter, as he "forgot what they felt like." Last month, he stabbed himself in the arm with a sewing needle because he "forgot what an injection feels like." I raised this idiot. FML

agreeclassic 38 125

vote type 1 8 676

By neveragain - 12/02/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Byfleet

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

agreeclassic 20 603

vote type 1 4 659

Experimental

By Anonymous - 01/01/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, holding my teenager's hand at the hospital, I unfortunately had a front row seat as a nurse manipulated his penis trying to pop a ball bearing out of his urethra. He had been curious to see if it fit. It did. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t pee it out, so off to the hospital we went. FML

agreeclassic 559

vote type 1 143

IHaveThePower 16

Friday 22 September 2023 5:45

Ahh, the fun times of getting injured by your offspring...

xllabraxasllx 19

Friday 22 September 2023 21:09