Your everyday life stories

disgust - 25/05/2016 09:13 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I got my wisdom teeth taken out and my boyfriend told me not to worry about getting any soft food because he would take care of me for the next week. For dinner he put a Big Mac in the blender and served it to me on a napkin. FML

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Unemployed - 25/05/2016 06:08 - Australia - Mount Gravatt

Today I was let go because the financial planning company who hired 6 new staff members in the last 6 months realised they can't afford a fully qualified broker... oh and a blonde, big busted receptionist started as I was walked off the premises. FML

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JCWolfGirl - 25/05/2016 05:42 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I got my new birth control implanted in my arm. The resulting bruise is in the exact shape of a penis and balls. FML

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Anonymous - 25/05/2016 04:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, my brother and his girlfriend decided to tell my family that they got engaged and my entire family was so happy for them and we're skyping them for hours. Today was also my 18th birthday.

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stijnc123 - 25/05/2016 03:06 - United States - Larchmont

Today, my science teacher called me down during class. He told me my grade was horrible and that my grade shouldn't be so close to his age, he is 41 FML

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TiredAndCranky - 25/05/2016 02:25 - United States - Spring Grove

Today, I realized that I get to spend very little of the week leading up to my wedding with my soon-to-be wife. 60+ hours at work, here I come. I get married this Saturday. FML

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lolerm8 - 25/05/2016 02:21 - United States - Spring

Today, I was doing homework on my backyard when I felt something nibling on my foot. It was an iguana. FML

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EnderHorse - 25/05/2016 02:18 - United States - Mason

Today, I was eating lunch with a friend who dislikes the fact that I use military time. After a while she asked me what time it was. I opened my phone and said 12:36 while showing her at the same time. She replied shadily with, "you and your damn military time." FML

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m00100001 - 25/05/2016 02:04 - United States

Today I found out that ALL of my family thinks I never worked. I guess my 14+yrs as a top level Network Engineer Consultant does not count cause it's not a 9-5 job like them. Regardless that I make many times their hourly rates combined. And only have to work a few days a week, if I want. FML

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Retail Hell - 25/05/2016 01:57 - United States - Plainfield

Today, a customer called me stupid when I informed her that her prescription had expired. She angrily yelled at me about how she had one more left until April 2016. A month late lady and, yet, I'm the stupid one.

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Ultraviolent - 25/05/2016 01:09 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I found out that my sister scheduled her cesarean for the afternoon of opening night for the play I wrote and have been co-producing for months. My family has informed me that they will no longer be attending. FML.

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ouch i.e. - 25/05/2016 01:04 - United States - Decatur

Today, I found out I have developed a new allergy to grass when I was playing in the sprinklers with my puppy. Now I have huge red welts EVERYWHERE my skin touched grass. My body is burning and itching pretty much everywhere but my girlie bits. FML

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Disney demolition - 25/05/2016 00:48 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I finished a 1000 piece Disney jigsaw that you can put on your wall. i came back later to find my baby sister breaking it apart, and pouring the glue all over one of my childhood stuffed animals. FML.

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Anonymous - 25/05/2016 00:36 - United States

Today, at my job as a cashier, I told two young boys who had no parents with them to stop playing. Later when their mom's came to checkout, one boy threw a soft baseball at my head. The parents didn't even apologize. FML.

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farmgirl98 - 24/05/2016 23:43 - United States - Milford

Today, I woke up at 2:30am to a scratching sound on the side of my house. After gathering my courage and a flashlight, I went outside to investigate. It was a porcupine. A porcupine was chewing on my house. There is significant damage. FML

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Waxfail - 24/05/2016 22:37 - United States - Dallas

Today, I decided it would be sexy and spice up my marriage to give myself a Brazilian wax. Although i had never done one before, I figured it was easy. So I put in the wax, without trimming first. I chickened out after the first pull and had a ton of wax left on my that I had no way to remove. Fml

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Badtip - 24/05/2016 22:33 - United States - Ogden

Today my boss totally stiffed. he only gave a quarter of my paycheck for "horrible dish cleaning." I cleaned the dishes in record time and everyone said that it was professional dishwashing. My boss later told me that he just didn't want to pay me. FML

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Gagging - 24/05/2016 21:01 - United States - Tullahoma

Today, my dad brought in fresh strawberries he picked from his garden in our backyard. They tasted crisp, sweet, and left me feeling healthy about my diet. That is, until I let my family's dogs outside only to see them urinate all over the strawberry bushes. FML.

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Anonymous - 24/05/2016 19:04 - United States - Houston

Today, i got robbed and the robber shot me. He thought i was trying to pull a fast one by only giving him $3... i only had $3. FML

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flowersbloom - 24/05/2016 18:46 - United States - Savannah

Today, I got a tattoo with a friend. When we were done the artist took many pictures of hers then looked at mine, started to take a picture but bandaged it up right away instead. FML

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XIAT - 24/05/2016 18:22 - United States

Today, I finally got over my anxiety and went outside for a walk. I ended up getting mugged. FML

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village of the smiths - 24/05/2016 18:12 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I asked a guy for directions. He said "well you can either go the short way or the long way, but I wouldn't advise you going the short way, it takes more time than the long way, but if you go the long way you have further to walk". I think he might have been insane FML

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liftthetrucks - 24/05/2016 17:54 - United States - Bourbonnais

Today, at grad practice we were walking down the isle to our seats. As I turned into my row my foot slipped and I knocked over the kid behind me. I was then told to leave the gym and sit in the office for assaulting a kid. FML

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Husband - 24/05/2016 17:53 - United States - Wichita

Today is my wife's birthday, her 30th birthday. It is the 10th one we have spent together She is also pregnant, very pregnant. Guess who forgot to plan anything... fml

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wifey27 - 24/05/2016 17:53 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was cleaning the house only for my 2 year old to tell me he pooped. That would have been fine and a normal diaper change but, my son is a magician. He pooped on the outside of the diaper and on his ankle. The worst part was i got it all over me and the couch trying to clean up the kid. FML.

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Peanut - 24/05/2016 17:45 - Ireland

Today at school my year head told me I can't miss school tomorrow in any circumstances. I was planning to audition to be in a TV show, a new experience I was looking forward to. Why can't I skip school? It's the last day and I have to spend it in rehearsals for a ceremony I'm not performing in. FML.

Kendie - 24/05/2016 15:23 - United States - Boerne

Today,I ran home to quickly walk my dog around the block. She had been out before and the walk was only for exercise. However, she dropped a shit in a neighbor's yard. I was about to run home and get a bag to pick it up, but my neighbor came out and chewed me out about "leaving" shit in his yard FML

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Bugga2018 - 24/05/2016 15:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to the dentist and they told me I was fine so I went home. They called me back saying they looked at the wrong chart and I need to come back in. I had 3 cavities. FML

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wow - 24/05/2016 15:12 - United States - Gresham

Today, I realized I despise most of my friends and will do anything to avoid them. Including hiding in a bathroom stall for an entire lunch period. FML

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A frustrated teenager - 24/05/2016 14:57 - United States - Oak Grove

Today, my dad yelled at me for my cat doing something. He proceeded to threaten to kill her, and eventually, after I yelled at him for that, he kicked me out.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I'm fasting for Lent. I'm a copywriter and my current client is a food company. I have to research about, and look at pictures of food all day. FML

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Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

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Today, after months of saying I wanted to kill myself, someone finally reported me. I can't go back to school until I see a therapist who has to approve my going back to school. FML

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Today, a few weeks after my ex dumped me and I'd just started to get over it, she asked me to get her pregnant. We had sex once within the year we were dating. FML

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Today, I found out the best man at my wedding was banging my wife after years of being married. My best man was my brother. FML

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Today, while I was mid-act with my girlfriend, my mom unlocked my bedroom door and came in shaking maracas. She then handed them to my very shocked girlfriend and told her these were the "Busted maracas" and directed her to pass them along accordingly. Well, at least our first time was memorable… FML

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