monkeycat

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Bmore, USA
48 years-old
Wednesday 02 March 1977
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Monkeycat's favorite FMLs

By lebato97 - 09/12/2011 03:35 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML

agreeclassic 9 664

vote type 1 80 928

Training day

By Anonymous - 09/11/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

agreeclassic 35 557

vote type 1 24 661

By Patrick R - 09/06/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, my co-worker finally gave me a check for the money he owes me. In the memo line, he wrote "for swallowing". Now I have to go cash it. FML

agreeclassic 40 193

vote type 1 7 005

By wtf - 09/06/2011 15:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I shat out a staple. FML

agreeclassic 42 633

vote type 1 17 986

By Anonymous - 22/03/2011 05:54 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

agreeclassic 53 573

vote type 1 29 672