The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 22/03/2016 21:17 - United States - Fremont

Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 141

You deserved it 2 097

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 21/07/2020 17:01

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 110

You deserved it 418

DIY

By caisse à outs - 23/09/2015 01:06 - France - Saint Quentin

Today, my brother asked to borrow a hammer, a chisel, and a drill just in case. I asked him if he was finally getting round to starting work on his apartment. Nope, he was just going to crack open a coconut he'd bought at the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 527

You deserved it 2 107

By crossl17 - 12/11/2018 15:30

Today, I bought a new $10,000 car since my old one broke down. Today, I also found out the old one wasn’t starting because i never had it in park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 4 718

By family heirloom gone - 17/11/2018 12:00

Today, my husband threw away the cast iron skillet my family has cooked with for generations because it had some specks of rust that were perfectly fixable. My 5th great-grandfather had that skillet in 1890 when he was a chuck wagon driver for the cowboys during their cattle drives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 113

You deserved it 255

By Angel - 13/01/2016 13:56 - United States - Charlotte

Today, the guy I'm dating took me to a dinner party at a couple's house. Halfway through dinner, I realized they were having the dinner party for the sole purpose of introducing him to their recently single daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 229

You deserved it 1 772

By mutantprincess - 12/01/2016 10:48 - Australia

Today, after waking up to find a large spider outside my bedroom door and screaming, waking up my mum to kill it, she then sprayed it and went to pick it up. She then informed me it was made of plastic. My cat had got into the Halloween decorations from the spare room and decided to play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 659

You deserved it 5 517

By Anonymous - 08/01/2016 18:23

Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 156

You deserved it 3 568

This doesn't feel nice

By Deadbed - 04/05/2019 16:00

Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 875

You deserved it 684

By oopsie - 01/05/2019 20:00

Today, I got diarrhea. During sex. I didn’t even make it out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 010

You deserved it 374

Help yourself

By meghandix89 - 20/12/2016 01:35 - United States

Today, my aunt asked me to have my 13-year-old autistic cousin stay over for the night. When he got here, he told me his mom forgot his Vaseline, and asked if I'd be a dear and go get some for him. His mom informed me that he uses it to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 870

You deserved it 758

By Pisciana unlucky - 29/04/2017 21:00 - Brazil - Niteroi

Today, as I was going to bed, I decided to read a book. Just as I touched the book, the bedroom light burned out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 605

You deserved it 434

By Genuine D - 13/05/2017 08:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 508

You deserved it 454

By The Seamstress - 20/05/2017 11:00 - United States - Irving

Today, while sewing, I learned that I cannot hold pins in my mouth and chew gum at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 031

You deserved it 5 544

Self-sabotage

By Anonymous - 15/11/2016 09:20

Today, I was hanging out with a guy friend I hadn't seen for ages. The sexual tension was off the charts. We were making out and think were progressing, hands were roaming to both nether regions when I freaked out and blurted out, "But aren't we just friends?" We then sat and watched TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 880

You deserved it 12 909

By Umidknickname - 17/06/2017 16:00

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going away for the weekend to go clubbing with his mates. I would be fine with it, except the mates he's going with already tried to get him to cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 931

You deserved it 500

Useful idiot

By taintedlover - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 616

You deserved it 7 748

By leah_kascar - 22/08/2016 01:45 - United States - Hialeah

Today, in the class I'm teaching, I assigned my students an essay to complete for homework. One student asked me if I was deducting points for bad spelling. I teach English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 029

You deserved it 2 395

By heck - 12/08/2016 13:57

Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 159

You deserved it 18 550

C'est la langue de l'amour!

By Anonymous - 19/10/2017 05:00

Today, my French teacher set up a role-play scenario to act out in front of the class. During one of my lines, I mispronounced a phrase and called my teacher sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 105

You deserved it 463

By :( - 31/07/2016 04:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me that I'll never get married if my cooking skills don't improve. My boyfriend agrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 724

You deserved it 2 470

House rules

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 22:00

Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for months. Not knowing where the date would take us, I shaved my pubic hair. Later, in the middle of making out with the guy, my dad storms into the room to tell me, "I had to get some Draino, your pubes clogged the shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 227

You deserved it 1 265

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 18:00

Today, I had a bad and very unenthusiastic one night stand and tried to quietly order an Uber while she was getting dressed. Turns out, she's an Uber driver and being as she was in the area, the alert came over her phone. She was furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 874

You deserved it 915

Jenny Rotten

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I dyed my hair for the first time. It turned out great, and I couldn't wait to show it off during my night out with my friends. Everyone was so shocked or disgusted, I ended up claiming I lost a bet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 051

You deserved it 2 015

Casual

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had to politely nod and say, "Ah, OK…" as my grandpa told me that he's not racist; he just doesn't think it's right for black men to associate with white women. He's well aware that my boyfriend is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 033

You deserved it 2 113

By hb1 - 04/06/2016 18:15 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, I caught my "best friend" on my laptop, copying my girlfriend's nudes onto his flash drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 747

You deserved it 3 171

By diablo - 23/05/2018 19:00

Today, I assisted my first customer at my first job as a Target cashier. When I rang up this lady's items and gave her the total, not only did she hiss at me and spit in my face, but she also dragged my manager over and demanded that he fire me. He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 487

You deserved it 322

By Anonymous - 20/05/2016 16:05 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad told me to knock it off with my "stupid gangster walk", saying it made me look like an idiot. I didn't have the balls to admit I'd sharted my pants and was awkwardly waddling to the bathroom to clean myself up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 838

You deserved it 2 259

Karma

By Loser - 08/06/2018 01:30

Today, at school, I offered my friend $5 to climb up a tree and jump off. I was already having a hard day and just wanted a bit of a laugh. What I didn't expect was to end up in the hospital with a broken arm because my friend jumped on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 4 426

By srs - 11/08/2018 20:30

Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home drunk from a party last night. They said I couldn't hang out with my best friend anymore as he's a "bad influence". He was the only one sober in our group and drove me home safely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 098

You deserved it 518

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was at the Wendy's drive-through with my four kids in the car. As the worker handed me my food through the window, a man wearing a ski mask ran right between us, snatched the bags of food and took off. They refused to refund me for the food, because they said I staged the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 990

You deserved it 309

Today, my friends and I were going to do an ugly sweater photo shoot. When we met up, one of them was wearing a sweater I gave on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 451

You deserved it 10 584

Today, I went into work with the mentality that all of my ass-busting work was going to result in me finally being promoted to manager. We had a site meeting. The entire building is being laid off because Apple cut our contract. Yay, I'm out of a job. I hate Apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 227

Today, my son has taken over the bathroom, crying because he almost lost his virginity but finished in 10 seconds in his pants. I’d have more sympathy for him except I’ve got IBS and the other 4 people who live here all need to pee. If he doesn’t come out soon, I’ll have to kick the door in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 96

Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 959

You deserved it 3 652

Today, as I was walking my dog around the block, I fell in the splits position on wet dirt and ripped my pants right on the front. I then had to walk home casually holding a chihuahua on my crotch hoping I would not run into anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 504

You deserved it 1 219