Your everyday life stories

Hey, OP here. Basically, I made a joke. I've just got back from uni so I'm not used to hiding parts of myself (I don't have to hide it around my mum cause she likes to pretend it doesn't exist). My nan was talking about me getting married, saying I needed to find Mr right. I made a joke about it being Mrs Right without thinking and here we are.

dammit - 12/09/2015 08:11 - Australia - Redbank

Today, I dropped my toothbrush. Because I have the spatial awareness of a mentally-retarded gnat, I hit my head against the sink as I bent down to get it. Then I did the same on the way back up, almost KO'ing myself. My boyfriend saw the whole thing and nearly pissed himself laughing. FML

25 476

4 792

nature - 25/09/2017 23:15

Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML

3 388

341

wait, what - 17/10/2017 21:00 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I found a 2-page letter nailed to the door of my car demanding that I break up with my girlfriend, Janet, so that a "real man" can date her instead. I’m a single straight woman and I don’t know anybody called Janet. FML

3 904

216

Anonymous - 10/07/2016 14:23

Today, a customer asked if we stocked gluten-free water. Then she got pissed when I laughed at what I thought was her joke. FML

14 173

1 069

Ewwwwww

Anonymous - 19/06/2018 20:30

Today, my excruciating ear pain turned out to be a bastard maggot eating away at all the vital things behind my eardrum. The doctor pulled it out, but I’m now permanently deaf in that ear and can’t balance. I fall if I try to stand or walk further than 5 feet. FML

6 007

308

Tall Oaf - 14/07/2018 01:30

Today, my ex of 2 months, who I'm on good terms with, posted an Instagram photo with her new boyfriend, captioned "Love you babe, 4 months have never been sweeter." I've never been good at math, but 4 seems bigger than 2. FML

4 294

311

Anonymous - 08/04/2016 21:43 - United States - Sterling

Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML

24 525

3 326

Wuss

kenneth - 31/08/2018 01:30

Today, I had to drive 40-odd miles to my grown-ass son's house to kill a large spider on the wall. It had him trapped in his bedroom because his wife had already gone to work. How did I ever raise such a wuss? FML

2 765

1 675

Anonymous - 14/12/2018 14:00

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

2 689

2 164

Anonymous - 22/11/2015 05:45 - United States - Ossining

Today, we buried my mom. I walked past my sister's husband just in time to hear him mutter: "Hope the fire's nice and hot down there, you old hag." I told my sister. She wouldn't believe me and accused me of trying to start drama. FML

26 291

2 706

ashlyrose45 - 27/12/2016 06:03 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I went back to my friends place drunk. As we were walking in, she told me to be quiet, so as not to wake her parents and let them know we were drunk. I then walked in and looked at her parents, who were still awake watching TV, and said, "Shhh. Meg told me not to wake her parents." FML

6 751

3 257

ashlyrose45

ashlyrose45 12

Monday 2 January 2017 3:17

Didn't realize this got posted! But her parents knew we were out drinking so it wasn't a big deal :) it was just really late, like 3 or 4 in the morning, so she figured they'd be asleep. Felt pretty stupid when I woke up!

no - 08/12/2016 14:37 - United States - New York

Today, my cat jumped out a fourth-story window when I went to pet her. FML

8 903

974