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By PokeWife - 06/02/2013 13:38 - United States - Omaha

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon…" and ended the same conversation with "…and that's why we should divorce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 325

You deserved it 4 530

By DisturbedMan - 15/01/2014 22:29 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 198

You deserved it 5 963

By UNmarried - 31/08/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I found some .pdf files on my wife's computer. They were forms that had been filled out except for the date and the "reason" section. They were divorce papers. When confronted about it she said, "Well, if you piss me off really bad, I want to write down why before I calm down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 856

You deserved it 4 175

By tpj24 - 08/01/2014 00:00 - United States - Ankeny

Today, I had to explain to one of my high school students that the importance of Pearl Harbor was not, in fact, because the Japanese stole the US pearl supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 427

You deserved it 3 971

tpj24 tells us more.

tpj24 2

Saturday 11 January 2014 3:35

Rest assured that I set the student straight.

By humiliated - 26/02/2010 10:21 - United States

Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time. Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 928

You deserved it 4 051

By embarassed - 08/08/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, I went for a hike with my new boyfriend on a fairly deserted trail my ex-husband had shown me awhile back. In all my hikes there, I've never seen another person and figured it would be okay to get intimate. Guess who came hiking past? That's right, my ex-husband. And our 8yr old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 113

You deserved it 73 099

By lauren_crewd - 23/11/2013 23:56 - United States - Sylacauga

Today, my parents grounded me for being "addicted" to drugs because I've been taking pain meds every four hours. I had my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday, and my face is badly swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 961

You deserved it 2 955

lauren_crewd tells us more.

lauren_crewd 9

Sunday 24 November 2013 19:57

This is the OP here, my parents are incredibly worried about me taking the medicine because two of my three brothers are recovering drug addicts. I was visiting a friend who called my brother to come pick me up because I kept falling asleep mid-conversation as a side-effect to the medication. My parents assumed I was abusing them because of their past experiences with my brothers. They're incredibly understanding about the pain, but they're just scared.

By Anonymous - 05/01/2012 04:18 - United States

Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 208

You deserved it 4 592

By Anonymous - 05/12/2012 04:09 - United States - Hudson Falls

Today, my science class found out that I have OCD and that one of my rituals is to cough when others cough. This is going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 979

You deserved it 4 327

By Nik - 20/02/2010 15:05 - United States

Today, I found out that my mother was having an affair with my boss "to help me keep my job" because she thought I was useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 690

You deserved it 2 678

By Anonymous - 01/12/2012 05:59 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 674

You deserved it 2 734

By m - 22/08/2012 01:59 - United States - Stamford

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset, so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 041

You deserved it 5 893

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 608

You deserved it 6 506

By Mack - 09/09/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, I was at the book store when a book caught my eye: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies. I wanted to look through the book but I was too nervous to pick it up, thinking everyone in the store would look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 672

You deserved it 6 149

By CrappyLuck - 04/08/2011 02:43 - United States

Today, I took my 8 month-old to Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 841

You deserved it 4 271

Back in 2009…

By awkwardgayboi - 11/03/2009 18:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have our first "Cybering" experience. I downloaded Skype per his instructions, and hooked up my cam. Just as everything started getting hot and heavy, I farted. He stopped and frowned. I had no idea it was a video AND voice program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 940

You deserved it 92 879

I WISH!

By goodlord12 - 17/01/2013 07:53 - United States - Branson

Today, I let my friend bleach my hair, which resulted in it falling out in clumps. I spent $150 at the beauty salon fixing it and cutting most of it off. I sent the pictures of my new hair to my friends, and I got the same reply from each and every one of them: "That better be a wig." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 339

You deserved it 30 375

By kansasgirl - 02/03/2010 18:21 - United States

Today, my two year old decided to run out the front door alone. I ran after him, tripped over the bottom of my jeans, fell onto the sidewalk and scraped up both my hands and knees. My neighbors just watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 781

You deserved it 4 392

By arianelagolden - 05/05/2016 18:07 - Belgium - Nivelles

Today, my 4 year-old grand-daughter let her pet rabbit loose in the yard, while my 2 year-old grandson was trying to climb on a chair, then a table. I had to choose between catching the rabbit before it ran under the fence, or saving my grandson from falling on the concrete terrace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 372

You deserved it 1 331

arianelagolden tells us more.

arianelagolden 8

Friday 6 May 2016 17:42

All is well that ends well. Of course I chose to save the kid! Seriously! First I got my grand-son off the table, then I caught the rabbit on time, then I told the kids they could not do what they had done. When the parents returned, they told me this happens all the time. As there is a huge dog in the neighbours' yard, I don't think the rabbit will last long if they are not more careful.

By Anonymous - 14/01/2012 00:09 - Sweden

Today, I dove head-first underneath my garage door, narrowly missing both the sensor and the closing door, executing a perfect roll, and popping back up onto my feet unscathed. My smugness went through the floor as I remembered I'd left my keys back in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 057

You deserved it 15 267

By lexiiiiiiweee - 19/02/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 681

You deserved it 3 839

By kiwibox - 26/10/2013 01:50 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 105

You deserved it 7 143

By Anonymous - 13/07/2009 13:09 - Canada

Today, my friend posted my picture on Craigslist under the "men seeking men" section. I got 16 replies with 2 hours. He then decided to post another picture of me under "men seeking women" to compare results. The only reply I got was from a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 780

You deserved it 4 167

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 07/01/2010 21:44 - United States

Today, while in class, I noticed that someone had really bad B.O. I was seated next to an extremely ill-mannered girl, so I figured it was her, and thought to myself that if it happened again, I'd tell her off. Once I got home and took off my jacket, I realized it was me. I forgot to put on deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 981

You deserved it 45 475

Public announcement

By Pissed - 05/10/2011 15:29 - Australia

Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 753

You deserved it 8 432

By Help - 16/09/2011 16:20 - Australia

Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 095

You deserved it 2 053

By whipplewhip - 30/06/2013 04:21 - United States

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 458

You deserved it 3 633

By sozzy - 07/07/2012 07:26 - United States - Aliso Viejo

Today, I went to my regular pharmacist of three months, and since I've always seen him on a crutch, I asked him how his leg was. His response, "Still missing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 507

You deserved it 7 025

By Kels20 - 07/05/2009 14:18 - United States

Today, I released some ducks I had hand raised with my sisters at a local lake. They were raised around my huge German Shepherd, which explains why they didn't freak out when two huge dogs came out of no where and killed three of them, in front of my little sisters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 823

You deserved it 7 487

Kels20 tells us more.

Kels20 0

Friday 8 May 2009 22:04

Ok... I'm the lady who raised the ducks and I'm not an idiot. 1. at my lake all the female ducks except 2 have been killed or something and only males are left. So I raised some in hope of balancing the equation and hopefully see some chicks within a while. 2. I've done this before, and ducks are wild, so they have know how to survive without me, the other ones did great, but they turned out to be all male except one female, so that's why I tried again the next year. And the ducks that are born in the wild at my lake are hand fed by the people that live here and aren't scared, they run to you thinking that you have bread. 3. I found out later that the dogs that had killed the ducks had also killed some ones kittens, and a cat as well as another small dog. They are now in the animal shelter because they were dangerous. 4. My sisters were upset but next year I'll just get some more, I enjoy watching them grow, and they other four ducks are doing great, surviving like all the other ducks. :) so yeah, not an idiot, just wanted to clear that up. I thought the story would make some people laugh... so I shared it. Have a nice day... God bless.