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Insult to injury

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 18:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 096

You deserved it 4 775

By anonymous - 28/12/2009 02:18 - United States

Today, the girl that I have been secretly madly in love with for 6 years told me "fuck off and stop doing nice things for me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 897

You deserved it 10 355

By Anonymous - 21/05/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, the three-year-old I was babysitting asked me where my boyfriend was. I told her he was at his house. I'm twenty and single. I lied to a three year old to make myself look less pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 824

You deserved it 14 193

By Username - 24/07/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. I was the only one who put on sunblock, and the only one who got a sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 710

You deserved it 3 953

By starley - 13/08/2010 09:11 - United States

Today, my husband of 3 years, who I have a 1 year old daughter with, told me he wants a divorce, but who knows, maybe in the future we can "date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 991

You deserved it 3 459

By WhyDoINeedAName - 13/03/2013 19:51 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, as always, I'm dating one of the few girls who, without fail, always finishes first when we get intimate. She's also one of those girlfriends who doesn't want to continue once she's done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 523

You deserved it 8 219

What?

By Patrick - 23/02/2010 01:29 - United States

Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year-old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 062

You deserved it 7 451

By number2 - 14/06/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, my friends and I were walking past a bar. There were a few cute guys "rating" every girl that walked by with number cards. My friend, who is a guy, got an 8. I got a 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 080

You deserved it 4 526

By Daralea - 28/09/2011 17:54 - Canada

Today, I timed my walk to work perfectly so that I avoided getting sprayed by the rotating sprinklers along the street. As soon as I successfully passed the last sprinkler, a bus sped by me, hit a puddle, and covered me head to toe in muddy water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 394

You deserved it 3 471

Daralea tells us more.

Daralea 21

Wednesday 28 September 2011 23:05

They always do, and I don't know why. They even have it aimed at the sidewalks half the time.

By KristaAaronn - 27/08/2014 12:24 - United States - Johnson City

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 504

You deserved it 4 686

KristaAaronn tells us more.

KristaAaronn 25

Wednesday 27 August 2014 19:47

OP here! I also told her that they reason they made sporks was because they wanted to completely rid the world of forks

By flyingpuppy - 17/06/2012 06:33 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my husband has decided to grow a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 522

You deserved it 3 863

Pretend it's snowing

By babypenguin00 - 29/08/2015 19:20 - United States - Newark

Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 332

You deserved it 1 983

Rookie mistake

By no selfie for me - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 275

You deserved it 59 961

Nope

By Anonymous - 15/01/2013 17:45 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 902

You deserved it 6 680

What an ass

By Benjamin - 25/01/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 807

You deserved it 3 059

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 014

You deserved it 2 771

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea for me to talk with a British accent during my job interview to make me sound smarter. I'm applying for a job at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 619

You deserved it 5 378

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up, and he came by to get his things while I was at work. When I got home I saw that the only thing he had taken was my cat. I only dated him for 5 months, I've had that cat for 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 648

You deserved it 3 806

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 757

You deserved it 7 597

By maggie74 - 27/06/2012 04:58 - United States - Enfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a nude picture, he sent it back to me with a mustache on my face from that iPhone app and told me he likes it much better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 864

You deserved it 9 618

Double down

By coyote - 02/09/2010 07:25 - Japan

Today, I'm recovering from abdominal surgery. In addition to pain, I'm having trouble peeing and haven't pooped since Sunday, so my surgeon prescribed a laxative. Turns out I'm allergic to it. Now I'm covered in hives, even in my ears, incisions, and lady parts. I also still haven't pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 061

You deserved it 2 811

By biggirlsdocry - 06/03/2012 13:56 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend, and he pretended he was a Burger King employee who found a lost phone, just so that he wouldn't have to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 342

You deserved it 4 732

By Jamie - 10/03/2010 20:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex when he stopped responding. Five minutes later and ready to hang up, he apologized because he got distracted with his game of Tetris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 928

You deserved it 4 001

Get on with it

By MyMomIsInsane - 10/03/2015 00:28 - United States - Uniontown

Today, my mom demanded that I go into the basement and fix the water heater. I told her that I had no idea how to fix it, so she threw my phone down the stairs, told me to Google it, and locked the basement door behind me. It's been two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 841

You deserved it 3 237

By Deadfish - 26/07/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I was walking to the pet store to buy a month's worth of fish food for my fish so I wouldn't have to come back for a while. For fish food it was expensive. It was also surprisingly heavy and I had to carry it back to my house. When I got home, I saw my fish floating at the top of its bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 400

You deserved it 7 149

By stitchesupmyass - 01/11/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, I got my period. Last week, I fell out of a window and landed between my legs on a bush; I have massive swelling down there, and stitches over the ripped flesh. Now I'm bleeding out my period on top of the lingering wounds down there. It hurts even to pee, let alone menstruate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 788

You deserved it 4 691

By Anonymous - 06/11/2014 12:15 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 732

You deserved it 4 262

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 08:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over with a broken engraved bracelet that I paid 50 dollars for. I was angry but when I stated, "I'm going to call them and get a new one!" my boyfriend said back to me, "No it's okay, I didn't really like it anyways." It was for our two year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 084

You deserved it 15 245

By lilmamma - 05/11/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, I took my four year old son to the playground. When it was time to go, he squirmed out of my arms back to the jungle gym. Not being the type of mother to put up with bad behavior, I swatted his rear and told him we had to go. That's when I realized I'd just spanked the wrong child who was wearing the same coat as my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 141

You deserved it 50 438

Taco Bell, huh?

By tanya - 25/10/2010 12:32 - Canada

Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I checked my Facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption, "This is what Taco Bell does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 160

You deserved it 41 061

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I drove an hour to a friend's wedding. Realizing I was too early, I sat in my car at a gas station and watched The Office to kill time. I walked in to see the newly married couple escorting the last few rows out. I had been told the wrong time and the wedding was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 714

You deserved it 6 316

Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 143

Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 326

You deserved it 4 610

Today, I decided it was the perfect day to make Penne alla Vodka. It was also the perfect day to set my kitchen on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 645

Today, coming home from a trip in the mountains, I got a cracked radiator and my car overheated. My dad came to get me, he drove my car and I followed in his. I got pulled over and ticketed for his expired registration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 289

You deserved it 3 507

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. I called the fire department and told them where I was. They said they'd be right there and not to panic. It's hour 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 318

You deserved it 2 488