Spicy

Normal, right?

By jj. - 15/01/2022 11:01

Today, my 9 year-old son told me that sometimes he gets stiff “down there.” I assured him that it’s perfectly normal, but then he added that it only happens when he hears his stomach growling. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 169

Get it while it's hot

By Anonymous - 15/01/2022 02:01

Today, I was at a guy's house that I’d been seeing for a while. After watching a movie, I confessed that after these past few times we’ve hung out, I’ve started to catch feelings. He looked at me and said, "I actually don’t think I want anything serious, but are you down to be friends with benefits?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 487

She goes to a different school

By Anonymous - 14/01/2022 07:58

Today, while on vacation, I lost my virginity to this really cute girl from Canada. I texted my older cousin to brag about it, to which he replied, “A girl from Canada? That’s the oldest cliché lie in the book.” I didn’t know it was cliché. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 330

Turn me on

By Anonymous - 12/01/2022 05:01

Today, the fuck boi I’ve been seeing got so interested about my only bi experience, which was light petting in high school, that I’ve started making up far-fetched embellishments to the tale. I can’t believe the stuff this guy is willing to believe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 1 903

Horny

By Anonymous - 11/01/2022 14:02

Today, it’s been so long since I got laid, I got turned on by a knothole in a tree trunk because it looked a lot like a woman’s downstairs area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 1 134

Magic underwear

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 22:59

Today, my date decided not to have sex with me after she saw I wear Y-fronts, Tighty Whities to some of you, instead of boxers, so she couldn’t take me seriously as a grown man wearing underwear normally worn by children under 10 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 2 813

TikTok strikes again

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 14:01

Today, I tried the 'drop the towel' challenge in front of my wife so I could record her reaction for TikTok, and maybe get some weekend booty. She barely even reacted, gave me the 'go away I’m busy' arm wave, and when I didn’t leave fast enough, she actually whipped my knob with her charging cable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 2 003

No kinkshaming but… what?

By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 22:59

Today, when my new boyfriend told me he had a thigh fetish, I thought it was cute, until I realised our sex life would mostly be him fawning all over my legs, then dry humping my knees. We’ve been together 3 months and I can count the number of actual shags I’ve had on one hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 273

Don't have fun without me

By torri - 09/01/2022 05:01 - United States

Today, on my friend's birthday, I met a guy I really liked at a club, and he asked me to go home with him. At 2 a.m., my friend called but I missed her calls. When I woke up, she'd texted me pictures of all my things that I had at her place thrown outside in the snow. All because I didn’t go home with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 656

You deserved it 1 282

Sussy baka

By Singleagain - 09/01/2022 01:59

Today, I confronted my boyfriend about allegedly texting another girl behind my back and exchanging nudes. I asked him, “If I were to look through your phone right now, would we still be together in the next 5 minutes?” He responded by smashing his phone to the ground and stomping it to smithereens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 487

You deserved it 261

Pros and cons

By Diane Princess - 08/01/2022 20:01

Today, the guy I picked up made me bacon and a bagel for breakfast. I was so turned on by this gesture that we did it again in my kitchenette… Only this time, I was farting uncontrollably because I have celiac disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 512

Copyright control

By Booooo - 06/01/2022 23:01

Today, I found my recent ex's dating app profile. All the photos are ones that I took of him. Glad I could help you get laid, buddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 254

Social distancing is a thing

By Anonymous - 05/01/2022 19:58 - Germany

Today, I met a guy at a bar. Went home, got condoms, had sex. Also got Covid. First one night stand in four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 1 653

Barely legal

By nikki - 04/01/2022 14:01 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my biology teacher subscribed to my OnlyFans. This wouldn’t be weird if the last time I saw or spoke to him wasn't my freshman year of high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 1 947

Dear Prudish

By Anonymous - 04/01/2022 01:59

Today, I got a job with a filmmaking company, turned up on my first day, and now I know why I'd never heard of the company before. Porn. They were making porn, all kinds of disgusting porn. I quit so fast I was barely even there. This was the only job offer I’ve had since graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 9 131

Expectations

By Anonymous - 02/01/2022 05:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 228

Lonesome tonight?

By sad and ugly - 31/12/2021 04:58

Today, I really want to punch whoever says women have no problem getting laid. It’s been so long since I’ve felt the touch of another human, I actually considered hiring a male prostitute just so I can be in a man’s arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 423

Not funny, man

By ChristinaGee - 30/12/2021 20:00

Today, my husband says he wants to file for divorce because he’s tired of me being a “bossy boots.” Apparently, asking him to stop sending a 17 year-old girl dick pics as a “joke” is too much to ask. My tongue is going to fall out from the many times I've had to explain to him why it’s inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 770

You deserved it 413

Unmasked

By crushedgal - 30/12/2021 07:59

Today, I found out I have Covid, from a guy who ghosted me last week after sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 638

What are you guys up to?

By OnlyFecked - 29/12/2021 13:59

Today, my dad discovered my daughter’s OnlyFans account. I’ll let you do the math on that one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 627

You deserved it 329

OK, globehead

By IntimacyShintimacy - 28/12/2021 22:59

Today, after a kid-less, romantic dinner, complete with fancy wine and a back rub, my wife decided that researching Flat Earth Theory was more interesting than sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 500

Please clap

By Anonymous - 28/12/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. How did I find out? I'm sitting in a hospital room being given antibiotics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 910

You deserved it 136

This the end

By Anonymous - 27/12/2021 20:01

Today, my dad's last words before he fell into a coma, and later died, were about how he wanted to stick his face in the ass of his 20-something nurse and motorboat her cheeks. I had to lie to my mother and say that his last words were that he wanted to see her again before the end. Thanks dad, NOT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 975

You deserved it 202

Drugs are bad, mkay?

By Taylor Tempest - 27/12/2021 16:59

Today, I learned that weed brownie plus weed gummies leads to me drooling… on my ex-husband’s cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 2 445

Frustration

By Anonymous - 27/12/2021 02:01

Today, as I'm laying in bed with my wife, she noticed I'm wasn't hard, so she said, "I can fix that." As I prepare myself for a BJ, she lifted my boxers and blew air on my member, and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 394

911 is a joke

By ouch - 25/12/2021 14:01

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and somehow managed to pull a back muscle. I’ve been naked for 3 hours, scared to move because it hurts so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 307

You deserved it 209

Batman ruins another relationship

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 11:01

Today, my girlfriend asked what my sexual fantasy was, and I said Catwoman. She got disgusted at me, because according to her, Catwoman is 15 years-old or something. Turns out she has only seen Gotham, featuring Catgirl as a teenager, and not the grown-up Halle Berry version I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 696

You deserved it 239

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 05:01

Today, I had to have the awkward conversation with my wife of 20-plus years that the reason I’ve lost interest in sex is because our sex life has been mind numbingly boring for at least 15 of those years, always the same positions, never wanting to try anything new, just so boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 1 468

Let down

By Anonymous - 23/12/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I visited a friend out of state. We've been flirting for months and decided to fool around at night. He was very loving and attentive, but... he'd bragged about his dick being 6 inches and it ended up being not only thin, but very short. So thin and short that I couldn't really feel it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 391

Oversharing while drunk? Nah

By Anonymous - 23/12/2021 08:01

Today, after my roommate and I, as well as our significant others, had some drinks, then we started listing off/counting our past sexual partners. It got to a point where his girlfriend and I both had multipliers of 10 times that of our partners. They kicked us both out, and she didn’t offer me a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 1 355

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, while I was sneaking a boy out of my room at 2am, I ran into my mom sneaking a man into her room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 352

You deserved it 11 753

Today, I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize that said, "I miss you." Assuming it was my mom and her new phone, I replied, "Miss you too, love you!" Turns out it was my new boss, checking to see if I’d be able to work an extra shift. Even though it was her text that was badly worded, I'm now known as the person who declared her love to the boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 402

Today, my boyfriend is 34 years-old. We’ve been together for 5 years. He refuses to propose to me because “marriage is expensive” and “kids drain your wallet.” That would be understandable if he hasn’t spent the majority of his paychecks on March Madness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 374

Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 487

You deserved it 5 312

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a weird wart-removal ad came on. He watched in disgust as the lady's wart said rude things to her. Then he looked at me and said seriously, "I'm glad yours don't talk..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 667

You deserved it 4 846

Today, I finally decided to sleep with my boyfriend. It was my first time and I was really nervous so when he was being all romantic with candles and wine I went a bit overboard and drank too much. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still a virgin, and in a puddle of my own piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 977

You deserved it 34 744