Miscellaneous Wurdz is hard

Wurdz is hard

Holy Testacles - - United States

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression, "Knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as, "Kill yourself." FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

doubleddun 9

Wednesday 17 October 2012 12:02

That's brilliant

IconicLemon 8

Wednesday 17 October 2012 12:02

HAHAHA. Your's and her face would have been priceless!

ScenePanda45 13

Monday 9 November 2015 21:29

And this is why I can't read FML in school...

ifuckuprandomly 28

Sunday 12 June 2016 16:13

Classic

Hellrikh 18

Wednesday 31 August 2022 7:05

lol

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, a wasp somehow got into my parents' house, so I went hunting for it with my dad. I found it and, after getting into position, took a strong swing at it with a fly swatter. Unfortunately, being very uncoordinated, I missed. You can figure out the rest. FML

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Today, I found out I’m gonna be a father. Apparently, my ex-girlfriend’s arm implant didn’t work this one time we had sex during our closure talk. Now I’m stuck having a baby with a girl I don’t even love anymore, and I have figure out how to explain this to my current girlfriend, who I do love. FML

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Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML

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Today, my parents asked if they could borrow my car. Why? Because they were going to see someone about a Craig's List ad and wanted to look poor. FML

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Today, we ran out of disposable gloves at work. After saying how grossed out I was about having to touch raw chicken with my bare hands, my female boss goes, "Just imagine you're touching yourself. That's what I do." Even more grossed out now. FML

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Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

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