Weird, Wanker Intimacy Why would you say that? - FML

Why would you say that?

Rowaelin16 - 23/08/2016 02:50 - United States - Chicago

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Privacy

Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

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Welcome to the funhouse

Anonymous - 13/04/2023 02:00 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, my brother and I moved out of an apartment into a new one. We both have ADD. Whatever you now imagine what that went like, yes, it exactly went like that. FML

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Great help

got got - 30/01/2020 14:00

Today, I just moved in with my friend and had my brother help with the move. Later that night both my brother and my friend wouldn't let me sleep because of how loud the sex was. FML

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Put your foot down

K.. - 28/02/2021 14:01 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML

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Scheduling

Anonymous - 20/07/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

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Sherry - 11/07/2012 13:29 - United States - Middletown

Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML

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Volume_control - 10/11/2009 14:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

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Quiet please

mute - 16/04/2016 00:56 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

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Welcome

Anonymous - 24/12/2020 20:01

Today, I had to clean out my husband's brother's room as he is moving. The room was filled with childish toys, mould and years of dust covered everything. Behind and under every piece of furniture were earwax encrusted cotton swabs, hundreds of them. Oh yeah, he's moving in with us. FML

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fmjob - 21/07/2009 04:39 - Canada

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

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Notesz_b 13

Tuesday 23 August 2016 10:52

Well then...that's inappropriate.

Hefri123 19

Tuesday 23 August 2016 10:50

Shit in his bed?

potatoesforlife 9

Saturday 27 August 2016 13:21

*leans in as well* "I know"

edward_cooper 10

Sunday 28 August 2016 15:17

savage af

justinb97 16

Monday 5 September 2016 11:05

That's only a little concerning.....

KittieTetaz520 15

Wednesday 14 September 2016 12:39

That's not awkward

Manual_Manoosy 21

Saturday 29 April 2017 0:21

Cool story bro

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was talking to my mom lamenting the fact that none of my few relationships seem to last longer than 2 months. She asked why and I said, "because I'm paranoid, obsessive compulsive, judgmental, defensive, and stubborn." Instead of encouraging me, she said, "Well, at least you're honest." FML

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Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML

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Today, I walked into my boss's office to ask for a raise, and walked out unemployed. FML

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Today, I met my boyfriend's family. He calls his parents things like “geriatric hag” and “old clown”. I was about to yell at him, but they started calling him “nancy boy” and “nerd”. Apparently they love each other, but only communicate through abuse. I can’t believe I may soon marry into this mess. FML

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Today, I was holding my 3 year old brother, and apparently he thinks it's hilarious to pull my tank top down and scream ''BOOBS!'' in public. FML

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Today, I was grabbed and romantically kissed at the crowded carnival. Unfortunately, it was not by my husband but instead it was a complete stranger, in front of my husband and children. Now, my husband will not talk or believe that I didn't know the man, and my children think I'm a cheater. FML

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