Intimacy: Training - FML

Training

By Anonymous - 10/04/2011 05:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 472

You deserved it 72 672

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Michelle - 17/10/2013 11:51 - Australia - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend told me that I have the bad habit of not doing the dishes before he has his daily piss in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 772

You deserved it 5 625

By Myboyfriendisaromanticslob - 10/03/2011 05:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend set up a very romantic dinner. Afterwards, he offered to wash the dishes while I went upstairs and relaxed. His way of washing the dishes was to scrape all the food off, then wipe the juices off the dishes with a paper towel before putting them back in the cupboards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 442

You deserved it 6 475

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 15:32 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend did the washing as an attempt to help me. Not only are all my clothes now pink, he refuses to do the dishes, vacuuming, bathroom, ironing etc., as he has done "plenty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 752

You deserved it 4 621

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 14:00

Today, I explained to my man child of a boyfriend that we don't reuse dirty dishes. We have to wash them. He doesn't think it's gross and yelled at me, throwing the pan in the sink. Oh, he also refuses to wash dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 538

By Anonymous - 19/03/2010 10:05 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 912

You deserved it 22 210

By kj1 - 17/02/2014 18:28 - United States - Draper

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 313

You deserved it 6 719

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 021

You deserved it 14 604

By AprilFlowers - 01/12/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 212

You deserved it 7 397

By msjustine - 06/05/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 974

You deserved it 13 385

Deal or no Deal

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's farts got so bad that we made a deal: every day that he doesn't fart, he gets a blowjob. Suddenly, he's not letting gas out anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 2 132

Next

Top comments

nebula748 14

Sunday 10 April 2011 12:11

What did you expect?

docscientist 9

Sunday 10 April 2011 12:18

I guess you should have him eat out more.

Comments

fuzz94 8

Tuesday 12 April 2011 18:48

better start sucking!

meayow 0

Tuesday 12 April 2011 19:19

That'd really motivate :) suck on

nixxdreams 0

Tuesday 12 April 2011 20:06

It's a win-win situation. Stop complaining!

Lil_Bit_Twisted 0

Wednesday 13 April 2011 0:43

haha. just tell him you were kidding. it will take him awhile to figure out he got screwed anyway. not exactly the kind of 'screwed he had in mind' that's an awesome April Fools

paolo131 0

Wednesday 13 April 2011 5:56

you should get to blowing and a little less posting things in FML haha

Eval_fml 9

Wednesday 13 April 2011 8:11

haha :)

skinollie 0

Wednesday 13 April 2011 18:33

I love you

bmanholmes 3

Wednesday 13 April 2011 21:29

better start now before he hits 4 digits

JAKOJAB 0

Wednesday 13 April 2011 21:51

win

firebnworks85 8

Thursday 14 April 2011 4:17

FTW

15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 499

You deserved it 259

Today, it's been one week since I went to get my birth control renewed. It also marks 16 days until I get the half that broke off in my uterus removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 116

Today, the guy I was seeing told me he only wants to be friends. Every guy I've dated in the last 10 years has lost interest after we've had sex for the first time, and nobody will tell me why or what I did wrong. I'm going to die alone and I don't even know why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 214

Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 606

You deserved it 2 569

Today, I scrambled to get out of work on the dot to go to a special pharmacy that closes at 5 pm an hour away. I arrived at 4:58. Upon reaching the door, one of the employees came and locked it in my face. Apparently, her going home early was more important than me getting my medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 340

You deserved it 407

Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song he wrote himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life... if I knew who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 691

You deserved it 3 967