Intimacy Today, my mom went to grab my sheets off my bed. I said that...

Anonymous - 18/08/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, my mom went to grab my sheets off my bed. I said that I would do it, to which she responded, "Calm down, it's not like I've never seen 'spludge' before." FML

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Carnival of Disasters
Dive into carnival, where hilarious costumes meet unexpected mishaps. Laughter is guaranteed, mask or no mask! …

ToiletTroubles - 03/07/2013 16:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML

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Crockery story

WasteOfOxygen08 - 23/06/2019 04:34

Today, I woke up and headed downstairs ready to do the dishes, when my mom hissed at me to, “go do the dishes!” As I was washing them, my mom stood over me the whole time. She eventually said, “You know, it’s pretty fucking sad that I still have to tell you to do these things.” FML

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Anonymous - 14/02/2015 19:02 - United States - Lemont

Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML

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Dirty talk

Noname - 02/01/2009 03:04 - Canada

Today, my mother was vacuuming my room and found a towel under my bed. She asked, "Why does it smell so bad?" I replied, "Sweat". FML

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kira - 02/10/2012 10:29 - United States

Today, my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase being dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate, "Who raised you to be such a pig?" Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question. FML

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Classy

bkay26 - 29/08/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

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disgusted - 23/02/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML

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Insane parents

mermyth - 28/10/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, my mom came to my room to tell me that there were guests coming over. Five minutes later, she came to my room to scream at me for not doing the dishes, “like she just told me.” When? FML

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I am hungry

Hungry - 23/12/2019 01:00

Today, I thought my mother was coming into my room to give me lunch. She gave me cleaning supplies instead. FML

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False alarm

dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

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that1guyyy 12

Thursday 18 August 2011 8:42

is that the new name for penis juice now?

BoredUnicorn 6

Thursday 18 August 2011 8:41

Nasty

MasterJMan 0

Saturday 20 August 2011 3:06

Lol splunge :P

glompable 19

Saturday 20 August 2011 3:57

"Spludge" or "Sploodge"? I've only heard of it being called the second... ah ha.

jaspi 4

Saturday 20 August 2011 21:25

awkward

LochNessMonsterr 3

Tuesday 23 August 2011 6:20

I wish you could simply "like" an FML on here, without posting it to your FB?

On_The_Radio 1

Thursday 25 August 2011 9:34

It's true, she's seen my spludge before.

FMLdude886988 0

Friday 26 August 2011 11:04

Lmfaoo.. I wonder wat ur mom was like back in the day.. "spludge in my mouth!" ahaha, oh god..

sportsfreakpc12 0

Wednesday 7 September 2011 4:33

Happens to me all the time...

atomicSnow 7

Tuesday 10 April 2012 1:05

i thought it was "latter" :/

insomniac8400 13

Friday 16 November 2012 1:56

I believe it's called splooge

crazy4uboi 6

Sunday 6 January 2013 5:00

I like how she just assumes that's why you offered. Haha sucks for you man!

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I had to download a parental block so my dad would stop watching porn on my laptop. FML

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Today, I just finished nearly a year of muscle-building in order to impress my crush. Turns out she doesn't date fit guys, because "they're all jerks". FML

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Today, I fell backwards out of my hammock, busting my shoulder. This weekend, I broke my toe falling out of it. I've used hammocks my entire life, but have become apparently unable to during the lockdown. FML

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Today, I rented a car via an app for a family function. Turns out it was in default and was repossessed while I was there. I had to ride three hours back home with my girlfriend's dad, who probably thinks I don't pay my bills. FML

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Today, I found out that someone found my lost library card, and instead of returning it, took out multiple items. If they don't return them, I'm on the hook to paying over $100 for them. FML

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Today, my boyfriend commented on one of his his ex-girlfriend's Facebook photos, saying how smoking hot she looks and how much he wants her. His excuse was that the photo was posted before he was with me, so he's clearly doing nothing wrong. FML

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