Intimacy: Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body...

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 20:00

Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 879

You deserved it 1 628

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Same thing different taste

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 455

You deserved it 7 466

iTouch

By lonely girl - 02/07/2013 06:47 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 392

You deserved it 22 841

Overdoing it a bit

By Anonymous - 12/11/2022 16:00

Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 1 206

Rejection erection

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 685

You deserved it 83 502

Cranking

By Lonely Wanker - 26/02/2021 23:00

Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 380

By masterfail - 04/10/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 493

You deserved it 19 845

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 795

You deserved it 57 316

Gimme the D

By Anonymous - 07/02/2024 11:00 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend, but he kept falling asleep while I was giving him a handjob. Ugh, no sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 283

By Amy - 10/05/2012 19:14 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 053

You deserved it 5 245

Repetitive

By justgreat - 24/03/2012 02:30 - United States - Opa Locka

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 634

You deserved it 6 234

wanted_2_want 40

Tuesday 24 January 2017 20:09

Did it ask you "is it in yet"??

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 24 January 2017 20:11

You do have another one, or would that be cheating?

Comments

gosh_mate 30

Wednesday 25 January 2017 10:20

Did it then feel like someone else's hand was doing it?

randomusername00 5

Wednesday 25 January 2017 23:24

I guess you didn't see that one coming

player69badboy 0

Thursday 26 January 2017 1:52

You need some lessons ???

daveshira 3

Thursday 26 January 2017 8:49

If you intentionally sit on your hand until it falls asleep, then it'll feel like someone else. You're welcone

LokiLynx 1

Monday 6 February 2017 0:55

After 10 times in 1 day I'd also say no ?

LokiLynx 1

Monday 6 February 2017 0:55

After 10 times in 1 day I'd also say no ?

wickedgetz 30

Friday 28 April 2017 20:24

did you do it properly?

wtfmldude 5

Monday 24 July 2017 6:31

''I cant feel my dick.'' *mom walks by* ''I meant hand. Well Shit.''

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The Top

Today, I finished a full marathon and just wanted to relax and get pampered by my husband afterwards. Instead, I spent the evening taking care of him and his back because he had a spasm. Don't worry, he feels much better now. Meanwhile, I can’t move my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 462

Today, while commuting to work on a peak hour train, I lost my balance and accidentally grabbed a bald mans head to steady myself. To make matters worse, the words "oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were a knob" came out of my mouth before I could think about what I was saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 252

You deserved it 1 988

Today, I had a discussion with my boss. I work at a self storage, and told her that we need 8 more security cameras so that we can cover all the hallways. She decided to get 2 put into the office so she can spy on her employees instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 128

Today, I love my parents, but I'm culturally obliged to support them. However, I always feel sad because I can't purchase and pursue what I want, because my finances will suffer. I feel like I cannot enjoy my life to the fullest. They think I have money all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 124

Today, I found out the money my husband's been funneling from our bank account wasn't for drugs or gifts for another girl like I thought. It was for a guy he stupidly believed was a foreign diplomat, who supposedly needed to bribe officials in order to send us several million dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 502

You deserved it 4 364

Today, multiple people pushed me out of the way to get a seat on the metro. I'm five months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 581

You deserved it 440