Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun"....

By notsexy - 28/07/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 787

You deserved it 8 449

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Stuck

By canessadawn - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 824

You deserved it 2 587

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 23:14 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 283

You deserved it 17 577

Effective

By Nublet - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 447

You deserved it 5 587

By InTheDoghouse23 - 24/08/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 863

You deserved it 59 377

By Ticklish - 13/04/2014 09:33 - United States - Marion

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 713

You deserved it 4 467

Sketchy

By Wolf - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 917

You deserved it 2 474

Killing the mood

By hotmess - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Katy

Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 666

You deserved it 8 795

Scary!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 248

You deserved it 5 891

By myusofwe - 06/02/2016 01:33 - Puerto Rico - Caguas

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 967

You deserved it 3 035

Courtesy visit

By hottytodday - 12/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Oxford

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 547

You deserved it 370

Learxst 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 9:12

I lol'd. But here's a thing. Us guys are clueless. If something doesn't feel good, or if he's doing something wrong... tell him. He will correct himself, and it'll be much easier for the both of you.

deathbunny256 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 9:17

"Hewwo! My name is Ms Boob! And you aw?"

Comments

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

Wednesday 29 July 2009 15:29

Would that be fun? Yes. Would that be foreplay? Hell no.

brie3 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 19:57

exactly :)

flinkpamingo 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 15:33

Ok, so what is it with men and boobies? It's a good thing they don't have them because they wouldn't get any work done, they would just play with themselves ALL day. It probably wouldn't be much fun to motorboat yourself either, would it? PBPBPBPBPBPB! Giggles.

metheonlyb 17

Thursday 30 July 2009 2:04

You win # 57. Thank goodness we men don't have boobies. And OP you could try talking to his dick and balls!!

Epiphany1882 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 15:37

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I needed that laugh.

Epiphany1882 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 15:39

zap_fml 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 15:43

I loolllllleeedd.

thebigslim 13

Wednesday 29 July 2009 16:19

LMFAO I am SO going to do this to the girl I am seeing, your bf is a brilliant, brilliant man!

greenrapsody 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 16:52

YDI for not being having a sense of humor! my boyfriend does the same thing, and I reciprocate by making his penis into a little talking monster :)

Qup 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 16:58

actually, that is fun. as long as that's not all he did. it's just playful. you're a jerk for not having a sense of humour.

nodayliketoday 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 16:59

my boyfriend does this, it's ******* hilarious. And I make his penis talk, or sing. There is nothing funnier than a penis singing Radiohead. Lighten up!