I want to be a cat.

he sounds adorable!!!!!! XD

All cat's were created with a small demonic chip in their brains that activates whenever they so please.

Cats don't just attack if they aren't feral. I'm sure you are doing something to him. If he is older make sure he doesn't have arthritis and if he is younger don't pet him like a dog or play with him with your hands like a dog. It teaches him to be afraid of your hands.

When I first read it I thought OP didn't have a cat but actually had a stalker.

YDI get rid of it

Well if your pet is aggressive, you are doing something wrong. They are not humans, educate yourself about their needs, behavior and bodylanguage. Maybe she is just bored to death and needs to fulfill her need for hunting, then you should play with her more often and give her access to the outdoors if there is not too much traffic. Maybe she was raised/educated the wrong way: there are many things that are adorable when a kitten does it, but really unconvinent or painful from an adult cat. Normally the cat's mother gives them a little slap on the head when they do something wrong, they are genetically programmend to understand that. One of my cats initially didn't understand anything else. Try saying NO in a firm voice when she does something she should not do. Or hissing ant her. Also say something in a nice voice to strengthen the behavior you want, like Good girl! Cats are not that diffrent from dogs, you can train any animal to behave.