Lemme guess, you're a Christian/Jew/Muslim. How close-minded.

If you had a single friend who told you this, you think you would say "Oh wow, congratulations! I know you've been trying to get pregnant from one night stands for a while now!" or do you think it might be a little bit more likely you'd ask some questions first like "Who's is it?" before you start with the congratulations? Pretty close minded of you to assume you must be religious to realise you wouldn't just start congratulating someone who is single on being pregnant.

While I agree it was closed-minded of portablecupid to assume vexx is religious simply based on the views vexx presented in his/her comment, it is also closed-minded (and kind of insulting) to assume that just because a pregnant woman is single, she doesn't deserve to be congratulated on her pregnancy. :/

I don't think it's really about "deserving" being congratulated. I don't think most friends would offer up congratulations to a single friend who's told them they're pregnant, not because they don't deserve it, but probably because they don't want it, and would rather talk about how they ended up in that situation and what they're going to do about it. When was the last time you heard someone getting excited about getting pregnant from a one night stand. I'm not agreeing with 29's use of the word deserve, but it isn't something you're going to say first thing to a single friend.

Being out of a relationship doesn't necessarily mean you don't want to be pregnant in the same way that being in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean you DO want to get pregnant. It would depend on the individual. I have known singles who were thrilled with their pregnancy, and I have known "attached" people who were absolutely crushed.

How is that closed-minded? and just because you're religious and follow a set of morals doesn't make you any more closed-minded than the next person. If someone tells you they're pregnant and they're not seeing anyone then your first question is going to be "who?" seeing as they're best friends, they can ask each other that. So it's fair to say that the bestfriend had a boyfriend and so the OP said congrats assuming the baby was the bf of the bestfriend's...get it?

Sweetie, I never had a problem understanding the situation. And no, being religious does not make an individual closed-minded, just like being non-religious doesn't make an individual open-minded. However, assuming your moral codes apply to others and then judging other people for not adhering to them does. So sure, I'm assuming it would be fair to say that if faced with a single best friend's unexpected pregnancy, YOUR first reaction would be a question regarding the identity of the father. However, it is naive to assume that everyone would react in the same way. For example, I, like the OP, would first congratulate the friend, then later ask about the father.

theanon - No one's saying a single woman shouldn't be happy about their pregnancy. Just that that's not the assumption you'd make on first hearing the news. You would be concerned about if they were OK with the circumstances, and ask her for details. There's a lot more complications if you're pregnant out of a relationship like whether or not they even know who the father is, if they can tell him, if he will have any part of the child's life, and then of course all the issues of supporting a child alone and child support etc. By no means am I saying that should discourage a single mother or is a reason to be upset by the pregnancy, but they are real issues, and they are a big deal to a lot of woman, and I think the vast majority of people would be first concerned with whether their friend felt up to those challenges, and whether or not a congratulations was in order. Women who get pregnant out of relationships are a lot more likely to have abortions or adopt the baby out, and saying congratulations to someone who's planning to do that isn't exactly very tactful.

A lot of those same issues are present when a woman gets pregnant while in a relationship, also. Namely, whether she wants the pregnancy, whether plans to get an abortion, whether she thinks she is capable of supporting a child, if she thinks her partner will support her decision to keep/not keep the baby, and a whole host of other issues. Therefore, I think whether or not you first congratulate the individual would have a lot more to do with individual circumstances, (ie whether you think she would want to get pregnant or not), than whether or not she is in a relationship.

ooh i created drama. interesting. and no i'm not in the least bit religious.

Also yes, deserve was a poor choice of word. it was 5am and I had not slept. Shoot me. My views are biased I suppose, I do not and never want children. My best friend is the same way.

If I see a stupid, spun-out debate over silly trivial things like this, I'll just know mobius8 is behind it! Seriously that's just what you say when someone gets pregnant, unless they're like 12 or something. You don't ask them who the father is, you don't ask them whether they're going to keep it or not or anything else like that- FIRSTLY you congratulate them, because that's normal social etiquette. Some people on this site need to get off their computer and go talk to people because they clearly have no idea how.

Uh, I'm pretty sure first thing you should do is find out the circumstances. If it was a drunken one night stand I'm pretty sure they wouldn't want to be congratulated. When my friend told me she was pregnant I hesitated and asked if it was a good thing. THEN congratulated her.

Oh go obsess elsewhere instrument. I was defending the person who made this comment saying their views didn't indicate religious belief. If I'd agreed with the person saying they were close minded and religious for making an assumption based on common sense I'm guessing you'd be frothing at the mouth over that too. Go pop a couple of xanax and stay the **** off the internet you retard. Theanon - Yes, women in relationships probably often do have some of the same issues if they find out they're pregnant. If your friends with them you probably have some idea of whether or not they want a baby or not, and again, would probably ask a few details before rushing into a misplaced congratulations. Perhaps you wouldn't. Most people though, would, and I think it's probable the OP was also in a relationship.

... um... well of course the OP was in a relationship... it says so in the FML? But anyway I guess we can agree to disagree here. It's not going to change my congratulating preggers people, or your not congratulating them.

OPs friend* obviously. And I didn't say I wouldn't congratulate them. Just that I wouldn't as my first response if I didn't know their feelings on it, and that most people wouldn't. It doesn't really matter if you would and I wouldn't. MOST single people aren't actively trying to get pregnant, and MOST people wouldn't say congratulations to someone when they're not sure how they feel about it, so it's MOST likely the OPs friend was in a relationship.

Okay, bb. :)

I agree. OP: Don't get pulled into helping them with the child. Cut your ties and move on, neither one of them deserves you.

ha ha ha thats brilliant!!! Sorry bout the Boyfriend/Best friend thing.. they deservee eachother..at least you can get outta it.. they stuck together now.. enjoy your sleeping in and dating other people.. and if she asks you if she looks fat just burst out laughing!!! People these days...

That right there is the suggestion of the day!