Love: Today, I went out to lunch with a couple of work buddies. Trying...

By Slayer - 09/10/2011 23:28 - Canada

Today, I went out to lunch with a couple of work buddies. Trying to be suave, I started hitting on our waitress. Not two seconds after saying, "Hey baby," I felt ice water on my balls. The guy next to me had spilled both our water glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 591

You deserved it 35 755

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Same thing different taste

Hi-de-hi

By Droolgirl - 26/05/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 263

You deserved it 46 595

Business casual

By Anonymous - 08/04/2013 08:30

Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 280

You deserved it 5 598

By Anonymous - 01/12/2012 00:31 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 197

You deserved it 21 673

Cursed

By Freddie - 25/03/2025 15:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I went on my first date in months. It was going well until the waiter brought our drinks. I went to take a sip of my cocktail, but I misjudged the size of the glass and the stupid paper straw, and spilled it all over myself. The waiter said, “Well, at least it’s not a first date curse,” and I replied, “Oh, it definitely is.” It was, because I doubt I'll be seeing her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 143

Klutz

By Sara - 27/05/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 163

Maturity level

By Clairebear - 07/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 826

By Samipearl - 12/11/2010 14:06 - United States

Today, while at a restaurant with my boyfriend, a piece of ice got stuck in my throat. I couldn't get his attention until after it melted because he was busy checking in on foursquare. When he finally noticed my freaking out and I told him what had happened, he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 514

You deserved it 6 411

That went well

By Anonymous - 14/06/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 654

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I was feeling confident enough to approach a guy by asking the bartender if I could buy him a refill of whatever he was drinking. He was drinking water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 910

You deserved it 5 764

By Anonymous - 06/06/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 255

You deserved it 45 102

chosha_fml 26

Monday 10 October 2011 3:09

YDI for thinking 'hey baby' is suave.

glutgyoogle 6

Monday 10 October 2011 3:03

Well at least you were nice and CHILL

Comments

purrantula 3

Monday 10 October 2011 17:04

You totally deserved it. If I had been in her position, I probably would have 'accidentally' spilled your meal on you too.

SteelCladAngel 0

Monday 10 October 2011 17:31

Ha...that's being a douche, not suave.

Nuahavizu 17

Tuesday 11 October 2011 21:46

You know... most people seem to fail to be able to see the difference. Both genders included. o.o

capnbzarr 43

Monday 10 October 2011 18:01

You know what's the opposite of being suave? Sexually harassing somebody who's required to be nice to you, on penalty of losing her job.

mman23 1

Monday 10 October 2011 18:49

id hardly call saying "hey baby" sexual harassment of any level

PinkFun1969 9

Monday 10 October 2011 18:24

I bet it made you jump right up out of your seat. atleast now she should remember the two Jack asses. ;-)

portablecupid 3

Monday 10 October 2011 19:54

YDI for thinking that anything that comes after "hey baby" could possibly be suave.

hottottie 0

Monday 10 October 2011 22:08

well now she can help soak up the water..

bubo_fml 10

Monday 10 October 2011 22:49

Dude! PERFECT set up! "After U took my order Baby, it was all I could do to reduce the swelling in my pants!"

iHeartLyss 2

Tuesday 11 October 2011 1:00

What a selfish cold hearted bitch!

PointSubZero 2

Tuesday 11 October 2011 1:18

It was Rigged, your friends set you up.. She wanted to confirm the myth of the small endowment.

dr_horrible_ 10

Tuesday 11 October 2011 1:53

And you think this isn't your fault because...?

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The Top

Today, my doctor told me that I have severely and permanently injured my shoulder. Last week, I attempted to lift more weight than I normally do in an effort to impress my boyfriend. He was not impressed. In fact he said that most kids can lift more than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 975

Today, my mom gave me my Christmas gift. It was a letter containing $200 and a note saying, "Here's the down payment for your apartment, please just move out already." I turned 18 last week. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 497

You deserved it 3 399

Today, I got a laptop for my birthday. I was thrilled until I realized that my mom had given away my old one without asking. 6 years of games, music, and pictures down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 462

You deserved it 2 752

Today, as a nursing student, I needed to take a blood sample from someone and the veins on his arms weren't really easy to draw blood from. I asked him, "Can I please look at your legs?" It turns out he was amputated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 286

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest, "No." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 489

You deserved it 3 761

Today, I offered my boyfriend medicine which is quite likely to help with his pollen allergy and other health problems, free of charge, and without side effects. I also pointed out an easy fix to keep the pollen out of his apartment. He said, “No thanks” to both, and just kept on complaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 151