Intimacy: Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying...

By neednewdeoderant - 14/12/2011 02:39 - United States

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 658

You deserved it 3 552

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Same thing different taste

By screwed. - 03/02/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 427

You deserved it 45 641

By TwiceDaily,Kids - 06/04/2012 00:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 980

You deserved it 5 142

Life hacks

By Zibby - 11/02/2011 05:51

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 491

You deserved it 80 913

By Anonymous - 15/12/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, I started to seductively kiss my girlfriend on the neck. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "Yes, because I don't have to smell your breath." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 471

You deserved it 28 811

No kinkshaming, but…

By "Armpit Licker" is the name of my band - 15/08/2025 22:00 - Netherlands

Today, I was going to hook up with a new girl. She told me not to shower or wear deodorant when I came over, which I thought was a little odd but went along with. As we were getting warmed up, she started licking my sweaty armpit and moaning loudly. This is probably too weird to tolerate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 108

Multiusage

By Anonymous - 06/11/2021 05:00 - Poland - Poznan

Today, I noticed my girlfriend wiping her sweaty armpits with the small towel that I always use to wipe my face with after shaving. Now I know why the towel smells so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 189

Fresh mints

By Julian - 22/12/2008 07:45 - France

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answered, "Well, you don't kiss me often either." Now she keeps kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 205

You deserved it 44 988

Strange Diet

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 18:00

Today, I woke this morning to my girlfriend asking me how many calories are in her deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 208

By Oops - 27/08/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, I realized that it wasn't my science partner that smelled bad, it was me. How? The guy I have a crush on handed me a stick of deodorant and said, "Please use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 866

You deserved it 37 089

Ewwwwwww

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 386

You deserved it 4 972

MerkathonPro 0

Wednesday 14 December 2011 8:44

When I first read this, I saw "If she wasn't applying it to"... Is it wrong if I thought crotch first?

gunmania0 12

Wednesday 14 December 2011 8:38

There are two ways you can get herpes... just don't let her give you a Blowie...

Comments

miksoko 0

Thursday 15 December 2011 4:38

You realize there's oral herpes, right? It's called a cold sore

fangbanger_kitty 10

Thursday 15 December 2011 5:01

Was your toilet bowl steaming or what?

DevilsMetsGiants 30

Thursday 15 December 2011 5:21

keep your ding-a-ling away from her!!!

xii_clueless 0

Thursday 15 December 2011 5:29

Look on the brightside, if she does give you a *******, at least your dick will smell better. It just wont look or feel better.

PedoPancakes 7

Monday 30 January 2012 4:42

Haha that is soo the bright side :P

1kiki81 6

Thursday 15 December 2011 5:42

Oh dayum

chryses 3

Thursday 15 December 2011 8:02

Oh wow really bad, reply worthy lol

AshleyHartwell 3

Thursday 15 December 2011 8:49

Dude that's blows...

Tritium_fml 5

Thursday 15 December 2011 10:48

Maybe she doesn't have herpes. Could be just dumb.

pike1346 3

Thursday 15 December 2011 16:28

RRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN AWAY FAST. Unless it is a fever blister.

Missporsha 0

Thursday 15 December 2011 18:59

Lol get tested please! ?

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my date and I went to the movies. After the date, we were both on an instant chat room at our homes. Her personal message displayed "I think I love my ex again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 639

You deserved it 3 046

Today, I spent time with some of my extended family. To give you an idea of their pedigree, I overheard a daughter ask her mom, "Why did you name me Chanté?" The mom, "After the wine!" The daughter asked, "What wine?" and her mom replied, "You know, Chianti!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 165

Today, at his request, I met up with my brother for lunch so we could catch up. Apparently, our mother put him up to it so he could tell me our parents are getting a divorce. They didn't want to tell me themselves because I'm "too emotional." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 824

You deserved it 654

Today, I learned that while anybody can call me a bitch, my husband got mad at his aunt for calling our dog a mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 768

You deserved it 3 744

Today, I'm an adjudicator for our school's debate team, collectively I have over 20 years experience both as a debater and as an adjudicator, and yet I have no idea how my daughter manages to convince me she deserves an extra dessert and to stay up an hour past bedtime every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 1 000

Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 459

You deserved it 6 575