Today, my boyfriend was leaving for work. From the other room I heard him call out, "See you soon beautiful." Touched, I went to give him a parting kiss. He stopped me and said, "I was talking to the cat." FML
Today, I took my brother to the ER. His bimbo girlfriend told him he has "ironing board abs" so they had the bright idea of ironing her clothes on his stomach. When the Dr. asked him why he didn't stop if it burned, he said he didn't want to look "like a pussy". He'd have likely drowned if she'd gotten it right and said "washboard abs". FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a new TV as a 10th anniversary present. She gave me a torch on a keyring. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I found out my doctor misdiagnosed my kidney stones as constipation. Now, I'm shitting like crazy from the laxatives that he gave me, and I also have to pass a kidney stone. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend talks to around 18 other men for fun. She says she loves me more, but I told her to prove it, so I took her phone and deleted the social media accounts that she made just for these men. Now I'm a "toxic controlling monster" because I don't let her chat with random men. FML
Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhood's garbage cans were blowing everywhere. I had already brought mine in and I saw my neighbor's being blown away. Thinking I'd be nice, I went out to pick it up. Just before I could however, the wind smashed it into me and I fell on the ice. FML
Auch, he must love his cat. :p
Aww that sucks. Did he at least try to be nice about it and say something to you after?