Sex, Awkward, Ableism and Intimacy: Stop, just stop

Stop, just stop

By Girl123999 - 04/03/2009 23:07 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he spank you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 266 320

You deserved it 35 538

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Same thing different taste

Slip up

By ooops - 04/08/2012 16:06 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 650

You deserved it 7 311

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 391

You deserved it 4 056

Curious

By Ghostrui - 15/05/2022 04:00

Today, my dad thought it appropriate to ask if my boyfriend, who was in the other room, was circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 177

By maddie - 27/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 918

You deserved it 4 994

By Anonymous - 09/06/2009 08:14 - United States

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 885

You deserved it 5 752

By Nails - 22/02/2009 03:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 154

You deserved it 7 245

By Told_You_So - 09/07/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 107

You deserved it 5 090

Oh hell no

By Anonymous - 27/07/2024 13:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I was in the "getting to know you" phase of dating a guy I recently met. We were talking about our families and I mentioned my dad died when I was young. He blurted out, “So, we get to have some of that kinky daddy issue sex then, huh?” I’m not sure if he was joking or not but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 129

Fight ****

By Anonymous - 11/07/2022 10:00

Today, I heard my step-dad hitting my mom, and her begging him to stop, so I grabbed my cricket bat, ran in, and almost brained him. Luckily I stopped in time, because they were both naked having sex. Apparently my mom likes extreme spanking. Eww. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 307

The moment when…

By wastedlove - 23/06/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 124

You deserved it 74 107

ObellaO 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 9:36

Quite honestly I appreciate the twisted humor =-)

thecheshirecat_fml 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 9:48

your dad is kind of awesome =P

Comments

mrrmr 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 4:02

your parents sound hilarious yet i can't help feeling glad that they aren't mine.

rustyxpenguin 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 4:53

the people that say its not funny but awkward they have no sense of humor. that is hella funny. but really.... do they actually take off their feet?

diediedie 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 5:01

lmfao! i think i just peed my pants. omg <3 haha. no offense..but i love your daad!

unbelievable1 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 18:48

Hahaa I want to meet your dad... you gotta give the man props :)

deardaniel_fml 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 21:56

LOL funny parents

slearnaro92 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 22:32

dude next time just go with it be like ya i do and he likes it!!!

Raven_fml 0

Monday 9 March 2009 1:16

Dude that's awkward for you, but ******* hilarious for anyone else. I love your parents.

Hello_Cthulhu 0

Monday 9 March 2009 6:50

hahah, your dad is a little awesome for that.

aeriebirds428 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 2:33

hahhha thats hysterical

AMelodyofJuly 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 3:40

LMAO! Your parents are great. Next time, make sure you own the joke and twist it back on them. Ante up the inappropriateness. 9 and 56 have it right.

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Life is a race... With hurdles... while wearing flippers

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 71

Today, I received a food delivery. The bag was huge. I thought the restaurant had made a mistake and given me extra food. I checked the receipt; it said, “Special note: For our hungriest customer. Extra napkins!” They'd remembered me from last time I ordered a ton of food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 309

Today, I found out that my fifty five year-old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend, saying ,"I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 755

You deserved it 3 020

Today, I started a part-time job at a nursery. One of the kids asked me if I was single, so I explained to her that I am with another woman. My boss fired me on the spot for "acting inappropriately". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 488

You deserved it 1 289

Today, my boyfriend's mother called me lazy. Her days consist of sitting on her couch watching Fox News. I'm a college athlete who also has a part-time job, yet I'm the lazy one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 856

You deserved it 176

Today, I drank cocktails and shots. On the way home, I had to pee so bad that I only got to the front door and peed all over our carpet. My mom saw the whole thing and my dad saw the aftermath with the super drenched carpet and shoes. My mom had to mop the floor after I ran to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 753