Dogs, Weird Animals Nothing better to do - FML

Nothing better to do

Anonymous - 28/03/2012 06:57 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Good boy

fall3nrain - 11/09/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

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sleepy - 23/12/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

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He's still a very good boy

Anonymous - 28/11/2024 12:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my dog barked at his own reflection in the mirror for five full minutes. When I tried to calm him down, he started barking at me like I was in on the conspiracy that seemed to be going on in his head. FML

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aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

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lessinterestingthanadog - 08/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

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BadBreath - 09/04/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

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Stinky

Anonymous - 16/10/2025 22:00

Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML

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Bad boy

Anonymous - 05/10/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

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It found you

Anonymous - 20/04/2020 02:00

Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML

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A - 09/02/2012 06:37 - United States

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

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saIty 17

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:33

"Why is my master looking at m-SQUIRRAL!!!!!"

missyj0 12

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:29

Sounds like you need a hobby..

abbynoelle 1

Wednesday 28 March 2012 16:30

Do you have a mental illness?

ghostofChrist 2

Wednesday 28 March 2012 16:35

am I the only one that thinks this is win?

Calyx_fml 21

Wednesday 28 March 2012 16:50

Son of Sam did the same thing.

Cynical_in_SK 6

Wednesday 28 March 2012 16:57

Well I can understand why you tried...the dog is obviously smarter than you!

marramrammar 2

Wednesday 28 March 2012 17:01

Hmmmm- sniff nuts, no piss on tree,no sniff the other dogs arse or someone's crotch, no get belly rub, no wonder why this jack off keeps staring at me! Dude really need to get a life! 3 hrs to think of absolutely nothing.

katiekatlovesu 5

Wednesday 28 March 2012 17:02

Try spending 3 hours everyday on that! May be you'll succeed.

hateevryone 14

Wednesday 28 March 2012 17:02

Did you learn anything?

emilyxoxo2 0

Wednesday 28 March 2012 17:04

You need a life my friend.

xIBleedPurplex16 0

Wednesday 28 March 2012 17:05

I bet he was laughing on the inside:3

ohwhoaa95 6

Wednesday 28 March 2012 17:12

That's not a Fml, more like you have no life.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, a foreigner walked into my restaurant to pick up his pizzas. The bill was $25 and he gave me $30 and a $100 dollar bill. I gave him his change from the 30 and I didn't understand so I gave him back the 100 dollars. He said "Well if you don't want it, okay." He was gonna tip me $100. FML

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Today, it's my birthday. My birthday present was a pelvic exam, and not even the good kind of pelvic exam. Woo hoo! FML

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Today, my dad called my recently unemployed son a no-good bum for not job hunting. My son literally spent all day beefing up his resume and scheduling job interviews for the whole week. It's not the 1920s anymore, dad. You can't just walk into a building, ask for a job, and get hired right on the spot. FML

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Today, I realized that it has been so long since my wife and I were intimate that I got slightly turned on watching her suck the meat off chicken wings. I'm jealous of fried, sauce-soaked poultry. FML

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Today, I was walking to school and decided to be a good citizen by picking up a beer can on the sidewalk. I then walked on to my school's campus where I then got suspended by my dean for "trying to rebel", grounded by my parents for getting suspended, and an MIP from the school's police guard. FML

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Today, I accidentally left my concession card in the photocopier. I then got fined for not having a concession card on the train. I was photocopying it for a letter to get out of a fine for not having a concession card. FML

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