Narc By Ginna - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada Today, my dad planted and "discovered" a pack of cigarettes in my backpack to distract my mom from his gambling problem. FML agreeclassic 44 966 vote type 1 2 704 Share Tweet Share
Today, I was told what a bitch I am for turning down “the nice guy” after he surprised me with flowers and a hand painted portrait. He conveniently left out the part where he texted me multiple creepy porn links, doesn’t brush his teeth and has the personal hygiene of a farm animal! FML agreeclassic 3 152 vote type 1 415
Today, I found out that my father uses, "You eat poo for breakfast!" as a comeback during political arguments on Facebook. He’s 60. FML agreeclassic 1 061 vote type 1 116
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really hit it off with. Then he admitted that he was a recovering heroin addict and had to cut our date short to go to the methadone clinic. When I got home, I realized that my wallet was missing $40. I think he lied about the "recovering" part. FML agreeclassic 47 909 vote type 1 5 006
Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend bought me a Nickelback CD. FML agreeclassic 91 593 vote type 1 29 297
Today, I watched as my poor old cat dragged his ass across our living room carpet, leaving an equally long shit stain on our pristine carpet. My pleas for him to stop only made his diarrhea worse as he ran off. FML agreeclassic 1 532 vote type 1 333
Plant a ***** in his drawer. Have your Mom go get something from his drawer.... Then enjoy the show :)
You can expect a free box of condoms any day now.