Wanker Intimacy MY EARS! MY EARS!

MY EARS! MY EARS!

ashbeat - 01/01/2013 15:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

idontwanttoknow - 16/06/2013 11:37 - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

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Frustrated

skipper - 12/02/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

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anon - 15/09/2012 05:35 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

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Post-it time

Anonymous - 21/01/2023 18:00

Today, I share a room with a person who masturbates noisily every morning at 5 a.m. like clockwork. Only I can't really say anything, because she's literally deaf. I wish she could hear herself. FML

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SleepyKirsty - 09/06/2009 13:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

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Handjob

- 20/11/2019 18:00

Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML

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- 03/01/2009 16:48 - France

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

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I CAN HEAR YOU

Anonymous - 21/11/2020 14:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, as usual, my flatmate is so loud when talking face to face that my ears and head rattle. I can't say anything because how dare I suggest there's anything wrong with my roommate's hearing. Yet nobody else talks this loud. FML

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Revenge is sweet

Anonymous - 09/06/2015 20:52 - Ireland

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

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awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

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ollie179 21

Tuesday 1 January 2013 19:31

Well at least he's not saying, "You like that? HUH? DO YA?" "NO! Please stop! AAAAHHHH!" That would be awkward.

heythere131630 9

Tuesday 1 January 2013 19:27

You live with Golem???

raphael1123 13

Wednesday 2 January 2013 9:41

Next time reply saying, "No, I don't like it," when he asks himself

mosquito19 14

Wednesday 2 January 2013 20:46

he was talking to his hand puppet Jennifer Lopez

Born2die 11

Wednesday 2 January 2013 21:05

Right hand man

Swag12345678910 2

Saturday 5 January 2013 3:48

My Wang needs to be leashed

BlackPhenom 9

Saturday 5 January 2013 6:05

Funniest FML ever. you win.

skylersilcon 3

Saturday 5 January 2013 14:51

You should start masturbating in your room & see who can scream the loudest! :O

no_lungs 16

Sunday 6 January 2013 0:06

Dude, you're the weird one for staying there and listening to him going "HAM" on himself..

hola147 3

Monday 7 January 2013 13:21

.....Aaaaand Boom Goes The Dynamite

winkiwinki 7

Wednesday 9 January 2013 12:14

Disgusting ! ! !

icepick23 12

Wednesday 9 January 2013 21:13

Record it, then play it very loudly next time he has friends over

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, at work, I stepped out for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Shortly after returning, I found out the hard way that one of my coworkers had used my computer to send a profanity-filled email to our boss, calling him an asshole and telling him to go fuck himself. I'm now jobless. FML

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Today, I decided to introduce my girlfriend to my parents by telling them that we were gonna have a very special guest for dinner. While my mom was preparing the meal she asked, "What does he like?" I'm straight. My parents thought different. FML

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Today, my boyfriend showed me his need for speed. It was amazing, except he showed it to me with my new car while running away from the cops. FML

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Today, I found out that my cross-dressing father and my recently deceased mother were having a much more "open" relationship then they'd let on, when the sheriff's department finally gave me mom's phone back. FML

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Today, my fiancé finally went to a therapy session with me because of the difficult circumstances we are facing. Afterwards, he shouted at me for "talking to someone about our problems". I told him that's kind of the point of therapy. Now he's sulking. FML

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Today, my boyfriend of 3 years sprung the news that he had gotten a new job across the country and would be moving immediately. With his wife and children. First I'm hearing about them. FML

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