Romantic and Love: Love language - FML

Love language

By gummy bear - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend, "Where art thou, my love?" via SMS. She replied, "Toilet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 662

You deserved it 31 267

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By anon - 30/08/2016 18:32 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I texted my girlfriend a long, heartfelt message this morning. Her response? "What do you need? Or is this even really you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 962

You deserved it 2 349

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I tried to flirt with my girlfriend since I'm really busy and we can't always be together. I tell her online that I think she's hot and she responds "Keep talking I have to pee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 896

You deserved it 5 903

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 00:12 - United States

Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend I love her and that I never want us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 188

You deserved it 2 915

By wendtinmypants - 31/05/2014 15:05 - United States - Omaha

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 925

You deserved it 9 223

By BatBee - 03/08/2016 02:29 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 386

You deserved it 1 531

Thanks dad…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 20:27 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 660

You deserved it 2 616

By User - 23/09/2013 17:53 - United States - Romulus

Today, I texted my girlfriend a long heartfelt loving message for our 2-year anniversary. Her reply was just "K." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 985

You deserved it 6 696

Alexa, play "Don't Go" by Yazoo

By nexus - 22/09/2021 04:00 - Papua New Guinea

Today, my girlfriend is on her period. She hugged me, crying because she was going to miss me. Where was I going? To the store down the street and back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 169

By Poem - 19/12/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I spent hours delicately writing out what seemed to be a beautiful poem to my girlfriend. After I sent it to her, I kept eyeing my phone to see her surprised message. No, the only response I got was, "You may want to use a spellcheck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 055

You deserved it 26 297

By Anonymous - 09/04/2015 15:10 - United States

Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 669

You deserved it 3 873

Next

Top comments

nerdsgetmehot 22

Friday 21 January 2011 19:05

Oh no, you've found out the truth-- that girls POO and PEE. How will you LIVE?!

alwa7sh 2

Friday 21 January 2011 18:59

she art ******** !

Comments

ShadowluigiXxP 0

Sunday 23 January 2011 0:27

"where art thou" means why are you not "where are u"

orangeslice14 1

Sunday 23 January 2011 1:00

Does the person that wrote this realize or know that "Where art thou" means Why are you...? not Where are you...?

PhantomJen 0

Sunday 23 January 2011 4:54

"Wherefore" means why. "Where," on the other hand, means "where." It does not magically change in meaning because he decided to throw some old English around it.

heyu7421 0

Sunday 23 January 2011 2:12

And you dont find that hilarious?! What kind of man are you? How does that make your life suck?!

brelinxboo 0

Sunday 23 January 2011 9:18

Never-mind the fact that you seriously just asked "why are you my love?" in Shakespearean language.

caribou_megs 7

Sunday 23 January 2011 20:55

To quote PhantomJen: "'Wherefore' means why. 'Where,' on the other hand, means 'where.' It does not magically change in meaning because he decided to throw some old English around it."

greek1919 0

Monday 24 January 2011 0:23

wat tool says that

daotherfish 0

Monday 24 January 2011 7:38

I'm srry but ur just gay

Draminicaus 0

Monday 24 January 2011 8:05

That's a tragedy for you. I had no idea it all happened in a few days, though. That's just....wow.

honoshikun 3

Monday 24 January 2011 19:21

Where art thou actually means "who are you?" As my English teacher taught me in Grade 9. But yeah, that's just funny.

Cinn_fml 22

Monday 24 January 2011 19:49

That's 'wherefore art thou'.

CandidateForWax 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:56

Actually 'Wherefore art thou' means 'WHY are you?' as in why is he Romeo, aka. a Montague, so she can't be with him.

Cinn_fml 22

Tuesday 25 January 2011 10:21

That's what I meant, silly me not reading the whole comment.

Yodimon 0

Wednesday 2 February 2011 23:15

It seems that people don't understand softcore FMLs. It's not really tragic, just bad, and kind of funny.

RefugeForChris 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 23:32

That's what I was gonna say:D

6
7
8
9
10
11

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs off Facebook, as she didn't like that they made her look fat. She is over 300 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 496

You deserved it 4 824

Today, my cat started screaming nonstop outside my bedroom. She's never done this since she was last in heat (she's 7 1/2 years old), so I was worried. I opened the door to find that she had "killed' a mouse (a fake one, formerly attached to her cat tree) and was very proud of herself. That's cute, but… really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 180

Today, one of my students stole my wallet. I teach kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 478

You deserved it 1 235

Today, I was starving and ordered pizza. They said it would take 30 minutes. When it arrived an hour later, I was so hangry, I didn’t even wait for the delivery guy to leave. I grabbed the pizza box, ripped it open, and immediately dropped it face-down onto the ground. I ended up eating a slice of cold, dirt-covered pizza like a sad, defeated animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 694

Today, after two and a half years of being single, I locked eyes with a cute girl. We were the same height at 6'1 so we joked that if we had a baby, it'd be huge. After some flirting, roughhousing, and making out, she gave me her number, and told me to bring condoms to her place. Then I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 381

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 621

You deserved it 9 021