Love, Awkward First Dates Joe Smooth - FML

Joe Smooth

Anonymous - - United States - Hebron

Today, I went on my first date. Everything went great until I went to brush my date's hair over her ear like they do in the movies. I poked her dead in the eye. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

oicu812xD 16

Saturday 20 April 2013 12:13

You must have some seriously bad depth perception or hand eye coordination. FYL

Palirose 22

Saturday 20 April 2013 12:17

From being on FML as long as I have...Ive learnt it's never good to try to be perfect or like what they do in movies. It's better to go at your own pace.

derpy_batman 4

Wednesday 29 January 2014 15:54

So close...... Yet so far

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I got up early to wait for my new sofa to be delivered. I spent yesterday taking apart and getting rid of my old crappy sofa. At midday, the furniture shop said they'd cancelled my order due to not having enough of that model in stock. Even if I re-order a sofa now, it's 2 weeks until they can deliver. FML

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Today, my flatmate was listening to opera on full volume all afternoon and now he's playing James Bond on the trumpet. FML

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Today, my girlfriend and I attempted to help a little girl who was alone and looked lost. All I managed to say was, "Hi my name is…" when she screamed and set off an actual rape alarm in her pocket. I was tackled by about 3 people, while my girlfriend did nothing to help me except laugh and start filming it. FML

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Today, my brother inherited a book from our grandmother that, in his ignorance, he donated to a charity shop because he’s “not a big reader”. I raced to buy it back, but someone had already bought it. The book in question: a mint condition, 1954 first edition Lord of the Rings, valued at £5000. FML

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Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML

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Today, I finally moved all my boxes into my new apartment. I was settling in when my alarm clock that was stashed in one of the boxes began ringing. Two hours and several boxes later, I still can't find it. FML

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