Health, Cats Painful I was right all along - FML

I was right all along

3peeps - - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

I'm OK!

MAC. - - Canada - Toronto

Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML

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Anonymous - 06/02/2016 01:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

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Hang in there

ouch - - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

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Not a morning person at the best of times

shouldhavestayedinbed - - United Kingdom

Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML

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Safe bet

Hit-and-Run - - Mexico - Juárez

Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML

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I hate myself

trixanne - - Australia - Sydney

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

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Watch out!

FlyLikeABird - - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

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Freak out

zAstonish - - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

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Caught off guard

dooommage - - France

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

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No good deed…

williebees - - United States - Huntsville

Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML

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rocker_chick105 31

Friday 30 December 2011 15:57

Was the cat ok?

SnigglePoop 3

Friday 30 December 2011 16:00

That sounds like a purrty painful situation. I'm not kittin..

mightymart 5

Friday 30 December 2011 18:00

Ydi you clumsy oaf!

OfficeNinja 5

Friday 30 December 2011 18:04

You should seriously consider only buying things made out of Nerf material. For your own safety.

Thaxton76 3

Friday 30 December 2011 18:12

Op just got distracted by a stray thought. That's why he fell. The stray thought was I wonder how much it would hurt if....

scottm1 0

Friday 30 December 2011 18:13

Fake

Jibblets2367 7

Friday 30 December 2011 18:25

All those things make me wanna drop kick someone in the forehead... 7 times... each.

Grace63 1

Friday 30 December 2011 18:26

Well worded

josamko 3

Friday 30 December 2011 18:38

Dumbass...

clutz123 5

Friday 30 December 2011 19:04

ultimate clutz move

Mr25_fml 14

Friday 30 December 2011 19:09

I vote "FAIL of the year"!!!

sebigdog 3

Friday 30 December 2011 19:26

Haha!

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

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Today, my 20-year-old sister is taking care of my cat while I am out of state. She sent a photo of him "playing in a silly way" with her kitty. I then had to very seriously explain to her that in the photo, my cat and her cat were trying to make more cats. FML

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Today, my sister told me she is getting married and asked me to be the Co-Maid of Honor. Who is the first maid of honor? Her cat. She is serious. FML

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Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. Trying to be romantic, I told him that I loved him and I was so glad I was with him. He responded by giving me a thumbs-up and turning back to the TV. FML

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Today, I went to get a banana for breakfast and said to my mom, with whom I currently live at age 32 because of Covid, that I don't normally eat bananas, but it looked good. She looked at me and said, "You clearly need to get yourself a man." She's right, but jeez! Thanks mom. FML

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Today, I got my car back from the shop. The engine has been rebuilt twice in the past 3 months. My check engine light just came on. FML

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