Intimacy: Hot and… greasy - FML

Hot and… greasy

By cortanaisahobot - 19/07/2012 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 679

You deserved it 6 230

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 10:24 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Spicy

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 266

You deserved it 32 766

By ch4nny - 29/08/2014 01:47 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 272

You deserved it 5 694

And they say romance is dead…

By BaconBreathBlonde - 30/10/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 049

You deserved it 7 737

Kinky

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 541

By fuck no - 22/08/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Spicy

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 270

You deserved it 8 036

By confused - 28/09/2011 04:55 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 238

You deserved it 8 734

Dad jokes

By phoenix101 - 16/05/2011 05:40

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 029

You deserved it 67 243

By JK - 01/02/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 979

You deserved it 4 736

That kidnapped kink

By georgiahick - 30/12/2010 14:09

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 851

You deserved it 6 113

By sissydlk - 02/12/2010 15:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 307

You deserved it 10 382

Next

Top comments

XtraEzeee 8

Friday 20 July 2012 1:17

Of course he's serious. Bacon is no laughing matter.

mike14991499 9

Friday 20 July 2012 1:16

You can't ruin sex with bacon, right?

Comments

imitablelemon 1

Friday 20 July 2012 18:42

This man is. Genius!!

magoogle225 4

Friday 20 July 2012 18:46

I think I know why this is an FML. She's a vegetarian, so she can't give baconjobs. Too bad, those sound good. At least she'll smell like bacon down there.

Raath00 7

Friday 20 July 2012 19:39

Smart man! Bacon goes with everything

GK2012 9

Friday 20 July 2012 19:44

"Better with bacon" is just a slogan, not a philosophy.

brookeishere 4

Friday 20 July 2012 21:00

Well that is very.......interesting?

DancingIsMyLife 0

Friday 20 July 2012 21:32

Wow...! I love bacon :) Yummm

davemylake 0

Friday 20 July 2012 21:34

bacon makes everything better but then again I'm a teenager and to me everything is better with bacon

nekkonico5050 1

Friday 20 July 2012 21:46

Does he happen to be a redditor??

funnykid26 0

Saturday 21 July 2012 0:22

I'll eat ur pussy bacon;)

flyingfox408 0

Saturday 21 July 2012 1:14

Your boyfriend is awesome, OP. You're lucky to have him.

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Today, I met a man at the bar, and he asked me to go home with him. The problem? He's 80. I'm 29. The bigger problem? I considered it. It's been that long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 891

You deserved it 17 859

Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 701

You deserved it 19 919

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I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 3 153

Today, I went to the mall. While shopping in a store, a woman bumped into me numerous times. Getting annoyed, I turned to her and loudly exclaimed, "Are you blind?!" Turns out she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 587

You deserved it 48 044

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I agree, your life sucks 16 898

You deserved it 1 089

Today, I posted a Facebook status about how I hoped to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. A couple of hours later, I saw a comment on it saying he'd never done anything bad enough to deserve that kind of torment. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 441

You deserved it 9 119