Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth out. My mom didn't get my prescription for painkillers because she thought I'd get addicted. FML
Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML
Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML
Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML
Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML
Parenting Fail.
you're funny but you see the thing is my mom is a health nut so there are no tylenol, advil, or any of that stuff in my house, but your right I MUST BE THE B1TCH FOR SHARING INFORMATION, you're right im a B1tch and your awesome for hiding behind a keyboard. YOU SIR ARE MY HERO.