The Top

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Fire hose

By pissedoffandon - 06/05/2009 14:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 945

You deserved it 61 847

By Anonymous - 14/10/2015 13:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was talking with some friends and the girl I like. During a lull in the conversation, she looked at me and said, "Ugh, I really wanna pop your zits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 752

You deserved it 3 434

By stillhave2years - 22/05/2013 10:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, for the fourth time this week, I witnessed my mother dancing around the house naked. Apparently, she is loosening up her "inner nudist" and isn't planning on stopping any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 356

You deserved it 3 690

By starflares - 03/07/2014 19:49 - Denmark - Yaound

Today, I moved fifteen stacks of bricks from our store to a customer's van. After I made all that effort, he decided he didn't like the colour of the bricks after all, and demanded a full refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 085

You deserved it 3 581

starflares tells us more.

starflares 5

Friday 4 July 2014 17:19

Thanks guys, I just sent him to the manager and he had to pay me +$30 to have the colors switched out, so not all that mad.

By musicalkitcat - 05/10/2009 15:45 - United States

Today, one of my best friends went into labor 14 days early. I'd told my boss previously about this and that I need to be there for my friend as she doesn't really have any family. My boss will not let me leave work to be there. Why? I didn't give enough notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 090

You deserved it 3 389

By Casden - 13/09/2009 15:57 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 232

You deserved it 3 553

By Unknown - 07/02/2014 14:18 - United States - Lamoni

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 598

You deserved it 21 380

By SuperCoolGurl - 17/12/2011 13:30 - Australia

Today, the cute guy in my class asked if I wanted to come over to his house to "study" on Saturday for our finals. I went to his house expecting a good time. He actually wanted to study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 763

You deserved it 54 364

By WronglySad619 - 26/01/2011 10:31 - United States

Today, after mourning and making my girlfriend cancel her big birthday party, I found out my grandma didn't actually die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 970

You deserved it 28 617

By Anonymous - 27/09/2013 19:08 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, I came home to find my parents wearing Santa hats and blasting Christmas music at full volume. So begins three months of hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 969

You deserved it 4 436

By help - 05/01/2015 18:52 - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I finally got a restraining order against my violent ex. My mom now keeps finding ways to tell me how shitty I am for breaking the "poor boy's" heart and how I didn't deserve him anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 069

You deserved it 2 808

By Ajwc95 - 20/12/2014 09:25 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, I was fired for "smelling like garbage". I'm the guy who throws the garbage into the truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 996

You deserved it 2 670

Ajwc95 tells us more.

Ajwc95 23

Saturday 20 December 2014 19:30

OP here. I did so apparently. I'm going see if I can fight this though.

Wind up merchant

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I was told by my mom that I'm a terrible person because I won't help my brother get a girlfriend. He's gay, but won't tell her because he thinks it's hilarious when she yells at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 975

You deserved it 5 046

Bad sign

By ITalkGood - 28/12/2009 00:37 - France

Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 801

You deserved it 10 026

Good one, thanks

By zackeryburch - 03/08/2013 13:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 514

You deserved it 6 558

By Sydney1600 - 20/06/2013 23:28 - United States - Lawndale

Today, I tried explaining to my mom how liking her own posts on Facebook wasn't very cool. I later logged in to see she'd added all my friends and posted naked baby pictures of me, captioning them, "Now I don't have to like my own posts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 549

You deserved it 13 752

Sydney1600 tells us more.

Sydney1600 9

Friday 21 June 2013 21:56

I was KINDLY telling her how it wasn't "cool" to like her own stuff. She accepted my tip with a warming smile. We have a close relationship, so it wasn't surprising that she did that. The picture wasn't too exposing. All you could see was my bottom. My friends now joke about it, so it was easy to get over it. Now my mom is the "cool mom." The worst part would have to be that she now gets more likes on her post than I do. So much for liking her own pictures.

By Anonymous - 11/06/2012 20:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticed a homeless guy touching himself. He saw me, smiled and waved, and then continued. So much for my new eyesight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 686

You deserved it 2 810

Erm, thanks?

By ninnang - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died." My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 500

You deserved it 3 582

By ManderDander - 05/09/2015 18:48 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when his dad walked into the room, casually set a laundry basket next to the bed, and walked out like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 975

You deserved it 8 212

Sexy talk

By dtmfa - 31/10/2009 04:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I spent the night with my guy, who I hadn't seen in ages. In the middle of sex, he answered his phone, told me to be quiet, talked to the girl on the other end about how boring his day was, then left the room to finish talking to her. When he came back, he asked if I felt like swallowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 322

You deserved it 4 997

TMI

By wow - 28/05/2014 23:08 - United States - Cape Coral

Spicy

Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 046

You deserved it 5 446

By Anonymous - 16/04/2012 04:03 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad came to pick me up. It would have been nicer if he'd had his clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 849

You deserved it 1 976

We meet again

By thammer - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Green Bay

Today, I joined a dating site. The first guy it recommended was the stalker I met on the last dating site I used. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 297

You deserved it 4 868

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 549

You deserved it 62 951

Prank of the day

By datingablonde - 11/01/2013 05:20 - Australia - Attadale

Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 307

You deserved it 9 628

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, eating my weight in breadsticks at Olive Garden and trying to relive my childhood via a pogo stick was not a good combination. My new shoes are now a different color. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 583

You deserved it 38 460

KEEP OUT

By Awkward - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Redmond

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 436

You deserved it 15 497

By 43_clothespins_later - 21/11/2013 00:12 - United States - Richmond

Today, I fell asleep at my bus stop following a long day at work. I woke up to a homeless man giggling after he had clipped dozens of clothespins to my clothes, shoes, and hair in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 693

You deserved it 7 921

By neednewdeoderant - 14/12/2011 02:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 662

You deserved it 3 553

It happens to the best of us

By unsatisfied - 01/02/2010 00:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 836

You deserved it 3 941

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, it's the wedding of a two friends that I introduced each other to about a year ago. I'll be enjoying it on my couch. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 122

Today, I’ve been suffering with a fever of 104° as well as an ear and sinus infection. I asked my mom and sister if they could get me meds and fluids from the store. I sent them money through my bank app for the supplies. They took my money and went to lunch instead. I’m still sick as a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 796

You deserved it 187

Today, the father of my unborn child told me he isn't sure he'll be able to make it to the birth, since there's no guarantee of when it will happen, so he can't schedule time off. This would be understandable if he actually had a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 021

You deserved it 6 318

Today, my in-laws just bought the house opposite. They were bad enough 50 miles away but now they’re here all the time. We’ve had to start locking doors and diving to the floor every time we hear our front gate open. Even then they try to open the door and stand in the garden for up to 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 133

Today, when I woke up, I noticed something crawling on my bed. A white faced wasp was dragging the corpse of a rather large spider. I'm not sure what I was more disturbed about; the fact that the wasp was dragging something twice its size, or that these bugs even live in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 551

You deserved it 2 217

Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 228