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My mom went to college in her 30s. She got pregnant with me her senior year in high school, and waited til she was in her 30s to go to college. I plan on proving her wrong. I've never done anything to make her say something like that.

By jakethed0g - 10/08/2011 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I was camping with my family, and had to share a tent with my 13 year old brother. During the night he had to pee, but instead of going outside to use the bathroom, he zipped open a section of the tent, stuck his knob through it, and peed all over my shoes that were drying outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 386

You deserved it 3 072

By ww2freak - 14/06/2012 01:17 - United States - Centreville

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 961

You deserved it 27 371

By bronieswillrule5eva - 11/06/2012 18:16 - Canada - Summerside

Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 718

You deserved it 3 492

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 13:45 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, one of my closest friends informed me that she wasn't going to invite me to her wedding, because I'm too shy and not enough fun, and she doesn't want her 200 or so guests to feel uncomfortable. I was the one who set the happy couple up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 666

You deserved it 4 314

By d4rkxf0x - 22/07/2014 15:54 - United States - Lindale

Today, I found the iPod touch that my mother claimed was stolen at the mall a few years ago, lying on her bed, still logged in to her Facebook. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 110

You deserved it 4 227

First date, and probably the last

By DrunkGirl - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I went on a date with an awesome guy. I got super hammered and punched him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 780

You deserved it 63 405

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 19:27 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was waiting in line for what seemed like forever at the only open lane at the grocery store. The guy in front of me took his sweet time and had multiple cards rejected, before finally pulling out a $100 bill and demanding exact change. He was buying a carton of milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 453

You deserved it 2 252

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work and I put on yesterday's jeans. While at my meeting an employee asked me if 'that' was mine and pointed to something on the floor next to me. Which was yesterday's underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 316

You deserved it 31 162

Today, I received a message on a dating app. It was the girl I'd always wanted to marry, but who disappeared from my life when we were younger. She went on and on about how much she missed me... and how much she wanted me to meet her husband and 3 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 451

You deserved it 471

Today, my boss told me I'm not working hard enough because I take French classes two mornings a week and therefore I won't be getting a promotion. If I want the promotion I have to stop taking my French classes. These are the same French classes I was told I originally needed for the promotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 026

You deserved it 2 983

Today, I learned that I have multiple gallstones, even though the lab report said I only had one. However, the pain is both in my left side and right side, as well as around my navel. I also have Chronic GERD and IBS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 83

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 752

You deserved it 8 003

Today, my dog was all over me, and I couldn't help but notice she kept sniffing towards my boobs. Turns out, she wasn't there to get love from me. She was there for a piece of food that I didn't notice had fallen in my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 489

You deserved it 4 095