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By mcfaily - 27/02/2010 20:45 - Canada

Today, I arrived at work to find an email from the manager whom I had bought concert tickets from the night before. He said he had actually sold those tickets to someone else. He still expects to be paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 842

You deserved it 2 409

By rara1989 - 13/12/2011 12:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I called in sick at work because I have the flu. This is my first sick day in the 2 years I've worked there. It's also the day the CEO made a surprise visit. My co-workers all got generous salary increases, and some of them promotions. I'm not included, simply because I wasn't there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 559

You deserved it 3 862

rara1989 tells us more.

rara1989 5

Tuesday 13 December 2011 22:01

oh hey, that was my FML. I made an account just so i could say this to you... I wasn't faking being ill to go xmas shopping ta. I got my shopping out the way back in Nov! (no sick day!) I've got the flu bad, worse day to get ill!. I'm going into work tomorrow though despite how horrible I feel so I can speak to my boss about it!. Sucks to be me right now!

By Anonymous - 14/08/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom ranting on about what a useless bitch I am. She was talking to my cat. It's not the first time this has happened, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 527

You deserved it 4 001

By deeenalynn - 18/07/2011 16:22 - Canada

Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 894

You deserved it 4 296

Strange terminology

By Not true - 18/07/2016 02:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I don't have a "grippy vagina" after he slipped out for the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 467

You deserved it 1 776

Deception

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 16:21 - United States

Today, I threw an elaborate surprise birthday party for my boyfriend of four years. He thought we were going to a quiet dinner but when we arrived, thirty of his friends jumped out and surprised him. Instead of kissing me to thank me, he broke up with me because of how easily I had lied to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 756

You deserved it 4 765

By beautifulme - 31/01/2012 06:22 - United States

Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 146

You deserved it 4 891

Do it then

By Anonymous - 14/08/2009 01:59 - United States

Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a customer spilled her drink all over the counter. After I cleaned up her spill and remade the drink (for free), she exclaimed, "Thanks! I should really tip you!" Then she turned around, walked directly past the tip jar, and left the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 378

You deserved it 3 511

By 2gewd4u - 15/01/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I walked in on my sister sitting on the toilet, trying to use "The Force" to pull over the toilet paper roll sitting on the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 263

You deserved it 4 107

Unfit

By naagodinho - 09/01/2012 14:56 - Portugal

Today, I applied to a new gym. Now I have a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 929

You deserved it 4 783

By Anonymous - 03/12/2012 18:39 - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 824

You deserved it 4 496

By DallasGal - 14/02/2012 16:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to have Valentine's Day sex. He then remembered it was unlimited pancakes at IHOP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 851

You deserved it 3 885

By AMIGODO - 12/02/2011 15:13 - Netherlands

Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 895

You deserved it 5 128

Bitch move

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 16:53 - United Kingdom

Today, after returning to the UK from my Australian holiday, I was fired from my job for no reason. My boss told me he'd waited till I'd returned to do it. I could have stayed in Australia with my mates traveling for a year if I had been fired before I left. I'm sure he did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 936

You deserved it 2 881

By bossgroper - 23/07/2009 20:23 - United States

Today, I was walking through a heavy door at work, so I reached behind me to catch it so it wouldn't slam shut. Little did I know that my boss was walking through right after me. Instead of catching the door, I caught a handful of his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 959

You deserved it 5 531

By Nissan_David - 18/01/2010 06:09 - United States

Today, I was helping my friend put up a wooden fence at his new house. I was holding the sections of fence up while he nailed them in with an air powered nail gun. The gun malfunctioned and fired twice putting the second nail through my hand and into the wood. We had to pry the nail out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 472

You deserved it 2 818

By hatetodisappoint - 21/10/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I called my very overprotective father, and he took the time to tell me how proud he was of me for finally finding a good and respectable boyfriend. And that he was sorry he misjudged. I was calling for bail money to get my "good, respectable" boyfriend out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 305

You deserved it 40 170

By torchy - 10/05/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, I treated myself to a spa day at home. First, I decided to do a hot oil treatment on my hair. I was leaning over the saucepan of oil on the stove when it flared up in my face. On the bright side, I no longer have to worry about plucking my eyebrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 846

You deserved it 52 776

Smell test

By smellybelly - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years kept digging around in his belly button and smelling his fingers. At one point he shoved his fingers in my face and told me to smell his belly button. He's 27 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 605

You deserved it 4 734

By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I found my dead phone that had been missing for two weeks. I turned it on to see that I had only gotten 2 text messages during the two weeks. They were both from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 825

You deserved it 6 635

By mommylife - 15/04/2015 04:17 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly six minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 818

You deserved it 3 972

By Bareassed - 29/07/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 635

You deserved it 12 950

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 21/01/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. Then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him, giving me the evil eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 763

You deserved it 2 835

By down trodden - 05/09/2013 07:45 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 464

You deserved it 3 316

By Anonymous - 03/09/2012 08:47 - United States - Evansville

Today, I met my husband's family for the first time. My nightmare versions were better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 824

You deserved it 2 933

By Anonymous - 28/12/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 262

You deserved it 3 613

Monobrow

By booo - 27/07/2012 17:46 - United States - Minden

Today, I had my eyebrows waxed for my senior pictures. After manhandling me, the cosmetologist managed to "accidentally" take my whole eyebrow off. It looks like I'll be remembered forevermore as the girl with one eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 244

You deserved it 3 293

By Amanda - 02/07/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, I went to the carnival with a guy I like. When we went on the big scary ride where you flip upside down a lot, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Then, I threw up on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 639

You deserved it 4 746

By Nice 2 inch - 27/06/2011 12:16 - Canada

Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 326

You deserved it 3 603

By bruised - 13/03/2013 21:06 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. The movie was in 3D, and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if you could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did, claiming the movie would be "better". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 081

You deserved it 6 324

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The Top

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 283

You deserved it 48 018

Today, I lost my watch at the pool. After giving a detailed description of it at the desk, I was really happy to hear someone had found it and handed it in. Too bad I was too late, because someone had already claimed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 269

You deserved it 2 562

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 698

You deserved it 6 182

Today, while making milkshakes, I was pouring and the blender's blades all fell out somehow. I don't know what's worse, that I sliced my finger open when the blades fell out and now there's blood all over, that there's now melted ice cream all over my counter and floor, or that I just wasted an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 227

Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 883

You deserved it 41 911

Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I woke up in horror to see that my 34-year-old cousin, who was spending the night, was watching me sleep. Once he noticed that I was awake, he quietly left the room. I told my mom, who then told me not to tell anyone and pretend that it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 101