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Orwellian nightmare

By anonymous - 24/10/2014 13:47 - Austria - Vienna

Today, while reading "1984" on the train, a cute guy around my age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask for my number, he got up, patted me on the head and said it's so nice that kids my age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML

agreeclassic 40 213

vote type 1 3 303

By OrlandoZ6 - 25/05/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I was laying down on my couch. My friend IM's me on my laptop to watch a video. It turned out that the video was one of those scary pop up's. I got so scared I dropped my laptop. The screen had a big crack. FML

agreeclassic 46 542

vote type 1 10 675

Good one, Debbie

By xXxJoe16xXx - 01/12/2009 21:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied, "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML

agreeclassic 51 142

vote type 1 8 441

By heartbroken - 14/07/2012 01:41 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I came home in tears after my boyfriend admitted to cheating on me. My dad told me to sit down and tell him everything. He's pretty eccentric, so I wasn't fazed when he put on a pair of sunglasses. When I stopped talking, I noticed his mouth was slightly agape and he was snoring. FML

agreeclassic 30 658

vote type 1 2 831

Happy for you

By pissed - 04/05/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I was on Facebook looking at pictures of my boyfriend, who was in his friend's wedding this past weekend. He said that none of the girlfriends could come because it would cost too much for the couple. I spent the weekend alone, and all his friend's girlfriends are in the pictures. FML

agreeclassic 63 184

vote type 1 4 996

By Anonymous - 28/05/2013 16:42 - United States

Today, after being told by her therapist to try to make her kids a bigger part of her life because we're so distant from her, my mom's new favorite thing to do is to constantly use the words "YOLO" and "swag" around us. FML

agreeclassic 54 806

vote type 1 5 655

Charming

By hoggypig - 23/04/2012 13:00

Today, I was walking across a pedestrian crossing and waved at the driver of the car who'd stopped, just to say thank you. She stuck her middle finger up at me. FML

agreeclassic 24 598

vote type 1 2 898

By Anonymous - 02/08/2015 05:19 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

agreeclassic 27 762

vote type 1 3 531

By electricpuddle - 25/04/2011 01:11

Today, while letting horses out to switch pasture, one ran at me, sending me through the electric fence and into a mud puddle. Wrapped in electric fence, I sat in that electric mud puddle, screaming every time it shocked me. Help arrived, once they'd had a good long laugh. FML

agreeclassic 37 840

vote type 1 4 038

By Bonding_boys - 17/12/2012 16:21 - United States - Elk River

Today, I came home to find my husband and our 4-year-old son simultaneously peeing off the second-floor balcony. My husband was giggling like a little girl. FML

agreeclassic 35 888

vote type 1 6 287

First time?

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 11:56 - United States - Westminster

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

agreeclassic 63 326

vote type 1 6 908

By bthms - 31/01/2010 14:46 - France

Today, I was standing in a queue when an old lady turned, looked straight at me, and asked me to hold her bag. Confused, I took a hold of it. She started screaming for help claiming I was stealing her shopping. Turns out, she was talking to her husband behind me. FML

agreeclassic 32 969

vote type 1 3 462

By loves the smell of burning flesh - 01/11/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML

agreeclassic 14 682

vote type 1 62 848

By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 06:11 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, barely 2 hours into a 5 hour car ride home, my mom accidentally let slip that she's been cheating on my dad. I had to sit with the bitch in a diner for ages while my dad bawled his eyes out alone in the car. FML

agreeclassic 31 767

vote type 1 1 665

Hands-on

By poolgirl789 - 03/09/2013 06:30 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Spicy

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

agreeclassic 65 804

vote type 1 4 759

By Anonymous - 18/06/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me telling me I have problems communicating and that I didn't understand her. When I asked her why she didn't talk to me about this before she said "I didn't want to talk about it." FML

agreeclassic 56 310

vote type 1 3 590

Caine

By dogless - 04/12/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, I found my pitbull after three weeks of frantic searching. When we returned home, I put out food and water for him. I went to get him and found him in my room, wagging his tail at me. He'd peed on my comforter, freshly folded clothes, and new 60-dollar winter coat. Welcome home, Caine. FML

agreeclassic 28 298

vote type 1 6 674

By frootloops - 21/11/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I realized that my girlfriend had never said anything about the proposal ring I had put into a box of her Froot Loops. When I hinted it to her, she said that the cereal had expired, so she threw out the box. FML

agreeclassic 36 873

vote type 1 27 757

By Failed_Dad - 25/09/2015 05:42 - United States - Davis

Today, with the most certainty and confidence that I have ever seen in her, my 16-year-old daughter told me an egg is a fruit because of its "hard shell and growing seed." FML

agreeclassic 24 694

vote type 1 2 736

By anon - 17/07/2015 07:04 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I sent my long-distance boyfriend a heartfelt message about how much I missed him. He sent me back a picture of a Minion. FML

agreeclassic 28 446

vote type 1 3 737

By =( - 05/04/2014 17:48 - United States - Houston

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

agreeclassic 46 787

vote type 1 14 439

By blinkme - 28/08/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks tripped and fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me and the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay and helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded. FML

agreeclassic 40 716

vote type 1 13 816

By geewhy - 26/12/2012 21:20 - United States - South Park

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

agreeclassic 46 740

vote type 1 5 448

By Anonymous - 05/01/2012 03:07 - United States

Today, my biology teacher assigned us partners for a project. I got paired up with one of the smartest kids in the class. When he found out I was his partner, he cried. FML

agreeclassic 34 304

vote type 1 8 924

By dumped - 14/12/2011 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? His best mate got dumped yesterday and my boyfriend thought it would be 'more fun' to be 'single lads together'. FML

agreeclassic 34 423

vote type 1 3 200

By HappyBirthday - 28/05/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, it was my friend's birthday. She's been having problems with most of her friends besides me lately, so I wanted to do something special. I brought her a cake. Me and her were the only ones to have any. It gave us both food poisoning. FML

agreeclassic 47 389

vote type 1 4 776

By whyme - 10/05/2011 03:55 - Canada

Today, in the subway, a man ran up to me, grabbed me, and starting hugging me. He wouldn't stop hugging me, and his grip was too tight. I don't know what's worst, basically being harassed, or not being able to remember the last time I was hugged. FML

agreeclassic 36 852

vote type 1 3 860

sosad1818 app_comment_confession_title

sosad1818 5

Tuesday 10 May 2011 18:46

lol hi guys its the OP. Sorry for not being specific, but ye he was kinda crazy. And I tried to get him off me, but I didn't want to hurt him, so I just got off at the next spot.

Love is love, but come on…

By nen_00 - 14/09/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I realized the guy I've been hooking up with has a daughter who is a year younger than me. As if that wasn't bad enough, I also found out she had a child of her own. I've been hooking up with a grandpa. FML

agreeclassic 27 269

vote type 1 44 240

By AndelleRae - 22/02/2012 12:02 - United States

Today, everyone in my house has a horrible stomach flu. My two toddler nephews don't understand that they need to throw up in the bathroom, so they just blow chunks everywhere. I have to clean it up, while trying not to do the same. FML

agreeclassic 28 344

vote type 1 2 283

AndelleRae app_comment_confession_title

AndelleRae 9

Wednesday 22 February 2012 17:02

This is mine. They are two and three years old, and while I tried to give them little buckets, they didn't always make it in. It's my job to watch them because I am their full time live in nanny. My sister works third shift and her husband recently passed away, so it's down to me to take care of them. Everyone is over it now, but it was a pretty nasty couple of days, for sure.

By BOOP - 17/02/2012 13:25 - United States

Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML

agreeclassic 30 593

vote type 1 7 729

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I fell down the stairs. Lying on my back in extreme pain, I called my mom for help. When she came over, she said I looked like a dead bug, took a picture and posted it on Facebook. FML

agreeclassic 27 118

vote type 1 2 442

Today, I spent half an hour on the phone with a woman who was yelling at the top of her lungs, sobbing uncontrollably, and hyperventilating. She also told me if she had a heart attack and died from crying, it was all my fault. Why? I told her she needed her receipt to have her TV repaired. FML

agreeclassic 35 039

vote type 1 3 018

Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML

agreeclassic 11 141

vote type 1 32 077

Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My best friend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML

agreeclassic 42 001

vote type 1 3 513

Today, I got my first university math midterm back. I did so bad that my teacher put a sadface on the first page. FML

agreeclassic 27 666

vote type 1 11 358

Today, I went onto my computer and found a cyber sex conversation between my sister and my girlfriend. FML

agreeclassic 40 207

vote type 1 3 162