Intimacy: Today, I realized that instead of actually trying to get a job,...

By horny bastard - 16/01/2009 08:34 - United States

Today, I realized that instead of actually trying to get a job, save money, lose weight, and get thin so I could maybe attempt to date again; I'd rather spend my money on a Fleshlight. FML

agreeclassic 10 796

vote type 1 41 918

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Get it where you can

By Anonymous - 12/07/2023 17:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML

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Sex work is real work

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 11:01

Today, I decided to get back into exercising and healthy eating. Why? So I can hopefully look good enough to do porn and make some money. FML

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Awkward

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 00:30

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to cuddle as we usually do. To prepare for this, the first thing I always do is dive into bed. This time, I felt something squishy under the covers, and screamed when I saw it was a Fleshlight. FML

agreeclassic 621

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Who'd want that?

By ... - 14/04/2021 17:00

Today, I found out that a burglar broke into my house. Since I didn't have expensive stuff for them to steal, they took my Fleshlight. FML

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By wet dreams - 12/02/2016 17:46 - United States - Cartersville

Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML

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Nice try, Sharon

By Anonymous - 23/06/2013 10:38 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML

agreeclassic 64 677

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Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

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Use the force

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:53 - Mexico

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

agreeclassic 14 141

vote type 1 56 941

By Anonymous - 03/12/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML

agreeclassic 24 251

vote type 1 12 792

By jakeeey - 18/01/2013 01:16 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

agreeclassic 40 210

vote type 1 10 941

texmas 0

Friday 27 February 2009 12:05

See, this is why you will die alone. Not because you're overweight, or because you don't have a job- though, those things certainly don't help. But because you have no ambition, no aspirations, no hopes, no desires, no drive. As a woman, I can definitively say that there is nothing less attractive than self-imposed hopelessness. That sort of depression is absolutely contagious. I'm sure you have positive traits, but this post has officially labeled you as the worst sort of loser: a boring loser with no desire to change that.

fredrikleijon 4

Thursday 3 November 2011 1:27

Google is your friend

Comments

SnifflyG 9

Thursday 4 August 2011 3:58

ok #9 and whoever thinks shes right. u r all losers with nothing better to do than be a troll. its not ur kind of guy because NO ONE ur kind of guy. ur a bitch and no one will ever like you. go make me a samich