Miscellaneous: Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of...

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

agreeclassic 52 989

vote type 1 4 787

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

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By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

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Added protein

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML

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By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 14:00 - New Zealand

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML

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Fear factor

By Anonymous - 04/05/2020 23:00

Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML

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By igotpride - 09/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

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By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

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Sorry, little dude

By dire-rear - 16/01/2010 20:19 - Singapore

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

agreeclassic 39 117

vote type 1 3 663

By Sarah-grace - 17/05/2016 22:20 - United States - Benton

Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML

agreeclassic 10 823

vote type 1 1 516

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

agreeclassic 28 598

vote type 1 2 143

lemoncows 2

Tuesday 22 February 2011 19:17

dirty mouth? clean it up with orbit!

Valea_fml 9

Tuesday 22 February 2011 19:15

Eww! Disgusting. FYL.

Comments

Pawned71 0

Wednesday 23 February 2011 3:56

ROACHES ARE EVOLVING TO HATCH IN TERRAN THROATS

VianaJ_Garcia 14

Wednesday 23 February 2011 5:15

Cucarachas for the win. Sorry, mate. It is just too funny.

Wondering1 0

Wednesday 23 February 2011 5:20

Omfg !!!!!!

quraishakrueger 4

Wednesday 23 February 2011 5:22

and this is why i never drink anything in the dark..

Wondering1 0

Wednesday 23 February 2011 5:22

Man thats ******* gross!!!!id b so sketched out.

The1AndAnonymous 2

Wednesday 23 February 2011 5:23

the average human swallows about 8 insects per year. they are attracted to the warmth of your breath. The more you know!

WeTheLiving 4

Wednesday 23 February 2011 5:24

Eeeeewwwwww!!!!

ellielovesyuh 0

Wednesday 23 February 2011 5:24

I would have had thrown up after seeing it come out if my mouth. :S that's disgusting. fyl.

ecoop2011 0

Wednesday 23 February 2011 5:30

dude that is beyond vile...

dansco 24

Wednesday 23 February 2011 5:30

Chew next time and it will be fine.

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Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

agreeclassic 4 510

vote type 1 310

Today, a couple of mates and me have a reservation on this fancy restaurant to celebrate Chinese New Year. I found out that 80% of our money goes to the wine tasting event that they have, a free flow of gorgeous, decent wine all around. I'm allergic to fruit. I'll stick to my 20RMB water bottle. FML

agreeclassic 21 314

vote type 1 3 321

Today, in the same sentence, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to "spend the rest of his life with me," and "I want to break up with you because I can't face your family." FML

agreeclassic 1 877

vote type 1 174

Today, I had an accident at work. Not the kind involving worker's compensation. The kind involving desperately scrubbing my office chair with paper towels, before going home to change my pants. FML

agreeclassic 18 560

vote type 1 2 294

Today, I bought an expensive razor that's supposed to be great. My roommate asked if she could borrow it, and as her legs just looked like they needed touching up, I said sure. After a strangely long amount of time, she came back, thanked me and left. Her legs were still hairy. FML

agreeclassic 41 222

vote type 1 13 211

Today, I found out that if your boss unfriends you on Facebook, it's probably not a good sign. FML

agreeclassic 33 900

vote type 1 4 421