Your everyday life stories

Kylie - 20/04/2016 17:09 - United States - Ames

Today, my friend told me she thought I didn't like her when we first met but then she said she realized it was just my face. FML

Anonymous - 20/04/2016 17:04 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I learned that getting a cat is an absolute dealbreaker for my partner of 10 years. FML

DeadInside - 20/04/2016 17:03 - United States - Acworth

Today, I accidentally hit my Dad's nightstand next to my parent's bed with the vacuum, when an array of sex toys that had been duct taped to the bottom fell onto the floor. If I do nothing, they'll know what I found. If I tape them back, I have to touch them. FML.

UntrainedEars - 20/04/2016 16:53 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I was hired for my first job after 5 months of applications and follow-ups. Too bad I lost it a week later because I didn't know when my training days were. FML.

Samanthahgw - 20/04/2016 16:18 - United Kingdom - Ebbw Vale

Today, I am so clumsy that I managed to shave part of my nipple off whilst in the bath. FML.

JojoBear_15 - 20/04/2016 16:16 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I resubmitted a résumé to a clothing store I was interested in applying for. While speaking with the manager, I wanted to ask them what their probation meant as it was my first time applying for a real job. I got mixed up and accidently asked about parole. So much for a first impression. FML

Thelonelydino - 20/04/2016 16:13 - United States

Today, I came home early and went upstairs to surprise my boyfriend. I was really surprised to walk into my room to see him having sex with my mother on my own bed. I don't even know how to tell my dad. FML

Anonymous - 20/04/2016 16:09 - United States - Akron

Today, as I'm recovering from surgery my fiancé decides to end our relationship over Facebook. FML

BallandChain - 20/04/2016 16:00 - United States - Madison

Today, we were sitting on the couch and my husband suggested that I get up and get ready. I smiled, agreed with him, and got up to follow his advice. He was so freaked out by this that he got up and left the room. Apparently I argue or ignore him so often that he didn't trust me being amiable. FML.

FML - 20/04/2016 15:55 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, my cat puked into my oatmeal when I was scrolling through my phone. I didn't notice and took a huge spoonful into my mouth. FML

GingerSnap98 - 20/04/2016 15:44 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, as for the last few days, I've been constipated. Last night I went on the theory that if I eat enough it'll force things out one way or another. I still hadn't gone by this morning but was feeling alright so I went to school. Guess who is no longer constipated, and almost shit in class. FML

no friends :( - 20/04/2016 15:36

Today, I finally got a text for the first time in weeks. Excited, I looked at my phone. It was my service provider telling me they're cancelling my subscription because I hardly use my phone credit. Oh if only I had some friends. FML

AbbytheMacaroni - 20/04/2016 15:31 - United States - Fort Benning

Today, I ordered my first drawing tablet; something I've been wanting and saving up for for the last 6 years. After being told it was finally going to be delivered, I walk out into the living room to find my chewed up laptop cord in my dog's mouth. I need the laptop to use the tablet. FML.

Anonymous - 20/04/2016 15:21 - India - Bangalore

Today, i was running after my college bus because it had just pulled out from the stop near my house. After chasing it for some distance, the driver noticed me. He grinned and gave me a thumbs up. Relieved, i slowed down a bit thinking he'd pull over. Still grinning, he sped up instead. FML.

anonymous - 20/04/2016 15:05 - United States - Massapequa Park

Today, my teacher promised me he'll help me with my college essay. Later he said there's nothing he could do as I'm too stupid to get into college FML

anonymous - 20/04/2016 14:57 - India - Mumbai

Today, after a very long time, I saw my crush. I was with my mum. As I blushed looking at him wave in my direction, my mum whispered in my ear saying "You'll never get him bro." Even my mom makes fun of me. FML.

c - 20/04/2016 14:25 - Australia - Bentley

Today, after my first model pulled out of a photo shoot I have to do for school, my backup model also pulled out. Her reason? Someone asked her to cover their shift at work. We organised this shoot weeks ago. FML

lysssaleee - 20/04/2016 14:05 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, I had to explain to my 21 year old boyfriend why women get their period. FML

SteveBassist - 20/04/2016 13:58 - United Kingdom - Ascot

Today, I had a blowout while traveling at speed on the motorway, which ended up with my car nose first in the ditch. The only car that stopped to see if I was ok was someone who just wanted to take a picture, so he could 'Instagram this shit'. FML

Anonymous - 20/04/2016 13:04 - Canada

Today, my parents grounded me for having weed. It was the weed they told me to hide from my brother a week ago. FML

abcombi - 20/04/2016 13:01 - United States - San Diego

Today, I woke up to my cat cuddling with me and purring so loud. He was being so cute I put my arms around him and tried to cuddle with him back to sleep. Until he got mad and scratched my whole tummy and ran away. Not even my cat likes my cuddles. FML

Natsert99 - 20/04/2016 12:45 - United States - Round Lake

Today, on 4/20, I said to my coworkers "Fun fact: Today is also hitlers birthday." I then got punched in the face and called a "fucking nazi" by my coworker. I'm Jewish, and this isn't the first time he's done this. My boss won't fire him. FML

pipman76 - 20/04/2016 12:39 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that blood is thicker then water when my 8 year old managed to clog our plumbing with a really bad nosebleed.FML

Mechenry - 20/04/2016 12:31 - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, my University group project partner asked me the name of the third member of our group. We've been working on our group project together for five weeks. FML

ilikespam - 20/04/2016 12:04 - Australia - Matraville

Today, a classmate of mine got a cute new pixie-cut. The teacher admired her hair as I was nearby, and said to me, "you know, you should get this hairstyle", to which she added after a pause, "but then your face would look really round, so maybe not". FML

cedarpoint4ever - 20/04/2016 11:45 - United States - Lexington

Today, I was rushed to the ER for an allergic reaction to something I ate. The culprit? A bag of sour gummy worms, of all things. Apparently they are now packaged in the same factory as tree nuts, which I am deathly allergic to. FML

FMLJohn - 20/04/2016 11:42 - United States - Greer

I let my older brother borrow 100$ for something "important". He promised to give it back, later on he came back with nothing in his wallet and when I mentioned it he told me "never trust anyone, not even your family", I guess I've been taught wrong my whole life. FML

Erebos_ - 20/04/2016 11:38 - United States - Choctaw

Today, my girlfriend of about a month broke up with me. Why? Because I was being "too nice" and "any guy that's overly nice is up to something". I wasn't even making a conscious effort to do so, that's just how I am. I guess now I know why they say nice guys finish last. FML.

whattaprick - 20/04/2016 11:35 - Australia

Today, I went out for a night with my friends. Being the first time out since losing over 40 kilos I was feeling confident and happy. That was until some dude accidentally grinded on me and turned around and ruined what little self esteem I had by saying 'oh that's so gross' and pretended to gag.FML

new flavor - 20/04/2016 11:19 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my dog found a new way to wake me up. Unfortunately, it involves pissing directly into my mouth. FML.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I got a parking ticket for parking in my neighbors' parking spot. I parked there because my neighbors were parked in my parking spot. FML

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Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML

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Today, I heard a baby crying while I was walking down the street. I walked around until I found it. In a dumpster. I immediately called the cops, completely freaking out. When the cops came, they pulled the baby out of the dumpster. It was a plastic baby doll. FML

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Today, upon applying for a new job to leave my old crappy job I was informed by my new potential employer that he was unable to hire me because he is friends with my current boss. FML

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Today, they introduced us to this cheesy school email program. I was trying to be funny by making a draft and sent it to "All" and I typed, "Thanos did nothing wrong." The send button was right next to the discard email button. I sent, "Thanos did nothing wrong" to every kid and teacher at school. FML

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Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on me, because she set her Facebook relationship to "single" before screwing my brother. FML

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