DxAwShizz

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Dxawshizz's favorite FMLs

By Anonymous - 11/12/2014 21:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

agreeclassic 40 358

vote type 1 5 300

By qyx3lmnop24 - 20/12/2014 07:33 - United States - Napa

Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML

agreeclassic 487

vote type 1 50

The incident

By Anonymous - 18/12/2014 22:45 - United States - Traverse City

Today, I found out my girlfriend and all of our friends have begun referring to the time I was meant to lose my virginity, but couldn't get hard, as "The Cheese Stick Incident." They all think it's hilarious, and the worst part is that it's actually a pretty appropriate description. FML

agreeclassic 36 391

vote type 1 4 955

The joke's on you

By justjoking - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

agreeclassic 40 538

vote type 1 8 098

By missca - 16/12/2014 04:35 - Australia - Salisbury

Today, I found out my Nan passed away. My boyfriend came over to comfort me, things got intimate and we ended up having sex. After he came, he chuckled to himself and said, "That one's for you, Nan". FML

agreeclassic 45 842

vote type 1 9 041

missca_fml app_comment_confession_title

missca_fml 19

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:30

Hey all I'm the OP, in hindsight I should have put that my Nan recently passed away, it was a couple of days earlier, and the website insists all FMLs are started with "today". Rest assured I didn't simply find out my Nan died and proceed to have sex!