candyanddiamonds

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Candyanddiamonds's favorite FMLs

Richard

By hot sweet.... not - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with Play-Doh and made a sculpture that looked like a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

agreeclassic 48 701

vote type 1 6 215

Double entendre

By mel - 11/05/2012 21:23 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

agreeclassic 25 054

vote type 1 3 167

By Anonymous - 19/09/2011 14:39 - United States

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

agreeclassic 62 595

vote type 1 6 203

By ohmydog - 05/09/2010 08:14 - United States

Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has a chipped tooth is because his teeth hit another girl's teeth while kissing her. FML

agreeclassic 32 948

vote type 1 3 654

Hereditary?

By andy - 01/01/2010 14:12 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter was looking at a magazine cover with a well endowed model showing off her cleavage. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, when I grow up, will I have big round boobies like her or tiny pointy ones like you?" FML

agreeclassic 36 571

vote type 1 4 818