The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year

The all-time greatest FMLs

By MacGrouber - 17/03/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 865

You deserved it 4 751

By cassieono - 10/07/2014 21:28 - United States - Springfield

Today, I nearly had an anxiety attack trying to sneak up on my sister to silly-string her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 864

You deserved it 13 711

By Anonymous - 06/11/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told his best friend to text my sister telling her to tell me that he was breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 858

You deserved it 2 993

By Anon - 07/11/2009 00:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I'm a 38 year old man. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 857

You deserved it 6 102

By ScarredForLife - 25/12/2009 06:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 857

You deserved it 11 916

By bill - 28/11/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, I received a $500 fine for an "unruly" dog. I don't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 856

You deserved it 2 361

Cramped

By chelse_elyce - 21/01/2015 04:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his car. We were in the front seat and I was on top. My ass hit the horn and scared my boyfriend so bad, he jumped, causing me to hit my head so hard that I swear I got a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 856

You deserved it 13 392

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I lost my job because I was doing my work too quickly, getting too much done and the supervisor was afraid I was bored. I have only been here for 3 weeks and already had the best stats on the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 856

You deserved it 2 408

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 16:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting for my food at McDonald's. I watched the most obese, sweaty man sneeze into the chips, wipe his nose on his hand and use his hand to shovel chips into a bag. They were my chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 855

You deserved it 5 534

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, after years of waiting, my mom and I finally received a check from Child Support Services. Excited, I opened it up to find a check from my dad, written out for 45 cents. Which pays for maybe half a loaf of bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 852

You deserved it 3 479

My eyes! My eyes!

By someone - 29/07/2011 18:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 852

You deserved it 5 396

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 08:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy who lives on the same floor as me in my apartment complex. I got stood up. Instead I got to listen to him doing the girl who lives next door to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 852

You deserved it 3 140

By Anonymous - 09/02/2015 20:42 - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 849

You deserved it 4 339

By theRoomie - 02/11/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 847

You deserved it 2 843

By heatproblems - 19/12/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I can't get my heat to turn off. It is currently 87 degrees Fahrenheit in my house, and my heat is running non-stop. It's about 20 degrees outside with over a foot of snow on the ground, so a repairman can't come out to fix it. My electricity bill will be about $1000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 847

You deserved it 3 584

By girlwithaprob - 13/11/2010 21:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I was the only girl he'd ever text, call, or flirt with again. Later on he told two other girls exactly the same thing on Facebook, not realizing that everybody can read wall messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 846

You deserved it 3 749

What what?

By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 05:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 845

You deserved it 3 526

By Wutdafuqq - 23/02/2015 20:18 - Canada - Kanata

Today, a woman yelled at me for holding a door open for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 844

You deserved it 3 274

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 17:58 - Vietnam

Today, I checked into a hotel because my boss had assigned me to a new position. As soon as the reception lady looked up, she had me kicked out of the hotel. Apparently, one of the regulations is, "No prostitutes allowed." I was wearing a business suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 844

You deserved it 4 368

By M.SHUKRI - 29/03/2015 12:54 - United States - Round Lake

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 843

You deserved it 3 246

By Anonymous - 10/11/2011 17:07 - Ireland

Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 843

You deserved it 7 675

By Dante - 07/01/2011 00:26

Today, I fell and got a nasty cut above my right eye. The doctor in the ER sealed the wound with surgical glue. He also glued his glove to my eyebrow, and let glue run onto my eyelid. Not only do I have a scar and medical bill, I now have no eyebrow or eyelashes on my right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 842

You deserved it 2 481

By serendipity1027 - 30/10/2010 13:40 - France

Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 841

You deserved it 8 899

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 840

You deserved it 4 726

By Anonymous - 19/01/2013 23:35 - United Kingdom - Somerton

Today, I woke up following one of the worst nightmares of my life. I was sweating, clutching the sheets, and feeling sick to the stomach. I'd been dreaming of my wedding that's taking place next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 840

You deserved it 7 169

By NateTheGreat132 - 20/10/2014 11:59 - United States - Whitehall

Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 836

You deserved it 4 400

NateTheGreat132 tells us more.

NateTheGreat132 14

Tuesday 21 October 2014 0:37

I was wearing gloves. When you open up a new carving block, there's TONS of meaty juice inside of there that you have to drain out. Some of it got inside my gloves.

By riddick0846 - 12/12/2010 07:29 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran over a squirrel on the road. I was late for work so I didn't stop. Later, someone keyed the word PETA into the side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 831

You deserved it 13 195

By Anonymous - 22/10/2009 02:58 - United States

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 830

You deserved it 6 975

By aspiemeanswell - 05/11/2014 18:49 - Germany - Rudolstadt

Today, my boyfriend gushed for several minutes about how amazing it is that I suddenly look hot when he takes his glasses off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 830

You deserved it 3 311

Welcome to Hell

By Riley - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my grandma got up at 6:30am, clattered about the bathroom then sang religious songs at the top of her voice for half an hour. Apparently this is her normal routine, weekends included. She is staying with us for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 828

You deserved it 3 822

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 028

You deserved it 287

Today, like every other day, my dad thinks my sister is autistic and needs therapy. He wants me to think that too. I'm pretty sure she is just introverted and hates our family. I wonder why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 92

Today, I went to get my car fixed. There was a vending machine in the waiting room, and I was hungry. The snacks were overpriced, but I still had a little money left over. I noticed a bag of Cheetos hanging loose, so I paid for them, hoping to get two bags. They both got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 500

You deserved it 10 049

Today, I hate when I go out and I forget peoples' names; even though they know me and I know them, I forgot their name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 90

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 777

You deserved it 5 740

Today, after I offered my boyfriend of a couple of months to come stay at my place for a few days, he turned up with suitcases… along with his 2 children, who he'd never mentioned having before, despite one of them being a toddler. They seem intent on staying a while, so I'm wondering what to do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 321