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Oh, hi Mark!

By Anonymous - 28/04/2025 15:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, a cute stranger waved at me on the street. I waved back enthusiastically, smiling like an idiot. Then I realized she was waving at her dog behind me. I then turned around and waved at the dog, then scurried home to bury my embarrassment in a pillow on my couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 129

Tease

By Blue balls forever - 20/10/2025 20:00

Today, my fiancee told me she felt horny and was excited for bed, then got mad when I seemed indifferent. I'd be more interested if she didn't constantly wind me up by talking about sex, then get cold feet the second we're alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 73

IT'S EVERYWHERE!!

By Anonymous - 25/06/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, I spilled flour all over the floor and myself, and it took me eight billion years to clean up and there is still flour haunting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 185

Kinda vague but oddly specific

By sheslayedgames - 11/04/2025 16:00 - United States - Powell

Today, you talked loud enough for me to hear you calling me the bad guy, while we’re in the same house. The walls are paper thin. After 19 years, I find out our friendship was a lie? That you used me just to make my parents happy? And I find out now, three weeks before I move out? This is beyond hurtful. I can’t take this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 153

Slick

By Anonymous - 19/04/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I had a meeting with my team, and at the end, we were all excited about a new project. I tried to be casual and give one of my coworkers a high-five, but he didn’t see me and started walking away. I awkwardly high-fived myself while hoping anyone else didn't see me either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 119

Parklife!

By Anonymous - 23/07/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my dog to the park. He ran straight into a muddy pond, came back to shake himself off, and got mud all over my freshly cleaned white hoodie. A stranger passing by gave us a thumbs up and said, “Good boy!” I'm not sure who he was talking to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 207

Let's not keep in touch

By Welp - 16/01/2026 12:00

Today, I tried to reach out to an old friend. He answered the phone sounding half-asleep, then suddenly switched to an outrageously fake and racist Indian accent, and started yelling nonsense down the phone once I said my name. Guess that bridge is burned, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 85

Bad timing

By Trashed - 04/10/2025 22:00

Today, I'm getting ready to move and so I woke up early to get a bunch of trash to put out. For months our pickup has been so late, it usually happens the next day. Today they came at 6:30 AM, while I was in the bathroom. Nothing was put out yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 161

Good or bad news?

By Bombaclotttt - 11/09/2025 09:00

Today, I decided I was gonna take a pregnancy test after being two months late. I bought two because I was sure it would give me a positive. That same night I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 98

Did the rescue work?

By Hero of the day - 19/12/2025 00:00

Today, I tried a heroic rescue: a toddler’s teddy stuck on a fifth-floor balcony. I borrowed a ladder, climbed while sweating, reached it, and felt my trousers rip with a sound like Velcro in a thunderstorm. Dangling there with my superhero boxers exposed, three people filmed me while jeering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 94

Winky

By XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - 11/04/2025 21:00 - Romania

Today, I was going to have sex with a girl, but when I got my dick out she said, "You got a nice winky." Who the fuck calls a dick a winky unless they're in kindergarten? Felt like I brought home a toddler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 189

Stranded

By Yudith - 27/10/2025 00:00

Today, I am 9,958 miles away from home, it's 3 pm, and I have to find a store that sells electrical tape because my cats damaged my computer's charging cord back home. I just saw the copper inside the wire and I'm lucky the damn thing didn't catch fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 127

The more you know

By SHUT UPPPPP - 14/09/2025 00:00

Today, my man learned that "boner" used to mean "mistake." Now he won't stop referring to every mistake someone makes as a "boner", laughing like a hyena every single time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 96

Hey you

By Anonymous - 10/09/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when I saw a cute guy jogging towards me. I tried to look cool and gave him a smile. At that exact moment, my dog stopped to poop directly on my shoe. The guy jogged past without breaking stride and muttered, “Perfect timing.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 124

Motherly odor

By Anonymous - 07/11/2025 15:00

Today, my daughter said, “Mommy, you’re my favorite person!” Then she added, “Because you smell like mac and cheese.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 115

What a ride

By Play It All Night Long by Warren Zevon - 18/05/2025 16:00 - United States - New York

Today, I gave my new boss a ride, since his car died. I probably should have checked the music before I started the car; I'm not sure hearing "Grandpa pissed his pants again…" as the opener to a song made a good impression on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 242

Mean boy

By Anonymous - 22/05/2025 13:00 - United States - Steele

Today, ever since I had to rehome my cat because he was really mean, I've been wanting to get another one to replace him. I remembered a particular cat I found at the adoption center who seemed to like me a lot, and I decided I wanted to adopt her. When I got there, I found out she unexpectedly died yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 316

Just be normal

By Chad - 17/11/2025 03:00

Today, I told a cashier at a store, “You have such kind eyes.” She smiled, then pointed to the bagging station and said, “Those are my husband’s eyes, he’s right there.” I spent the next minute bagging my groceries in dead silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 233

How bad do I look?

By Anonymous - 19/09/2025 00:00

Today, a teenage Costco cashier whispered to me, “Things WILL get better.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 82

Hair today, gone tomorrow

By JB. - 25/10/2025 12:00

Today, I've come to the realization that the only people to call me handsome are women above the age of 55, gay men, or women trying to get money from me and failing. I don't even get a compliment on a haircut after not cutting it for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 122

I know her so well

By Oh neighhh - 13/09/2025 20:00

Today, I went all out for a date with the girl of my dreams. I planned a romantic horse ride along a ridge down to a scenic valley for a picnic at sunset. Turns out she’s absolutely terrified of horses, and heights make her queasy. We ended up at the only restaurant nearby, McDonald’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 168

Let me in!

By Anonymous - 08/10/2025 22:00

Today, I walked out of my apartment to take the trash out. The wind suddenly slammed the door shut behind me. The problem? I was only wearing boxers. My keys were inside, the trash bag ripped in my hands, and my neighbor’s dog barked at me like he had caught an intruder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 179

Canine alarm clock

By ManlyStallion - 20/01/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, my dog woke me up with the sound of vomiting. I immediately got up and tried to figure out what he was doing. After 30 minutes, he didn’t vomit, just kept making the sounds. I banished him from my presence for some more shuteye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 213

Many such cases

By Anonymous - 04/12/2025 00:00

Today, I was thinking again how I literally haven't had any real life friends for years. I know I don't interact with others much, especially recently, but why am I even ignored at school? Do I deserve this like people keep saying? I really like my online friends but why does everyone but me have someone IRL? FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 115

Everything must go

By Anonymous - 21/11/2025 15:00

Today, I realized that I’m a loser. My coworkers have hit 9k and 16k in total sales, and I’ve never even come close to those numbers. I swear I work hard, but everything just sucks. I fucking hate my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 122

I'm out

By Anonymous - 12/12/2025 22:00

Today, is another day that my wife will choose anything over sex. I don't want to flirt with her anymore. If I can't have a normal sex life, I would rather embrace celibacy. I love her and was flirting with her daily up until now, but if she needs some other kind of confirmation to feel sexy, she can go ahead and find it. I'm done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 139

It's gone woke

By Scrafty - 31/08/2025 18:00 - United States - Mount Airy

Today, they introduced a mega evolved form of my favorite Pokémon, but it looks like a Ku Klux Klan member. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 170

Carpe Diem

By Anonymous - 01/11/2025 12:00

Today, at the Y, someone told me I had a cute ass. I liked that until I realized: a) a woman said it; b) I'm a woman; c) I'm straight; d) it's my first compliment in 2 years even though I'm 25; and e) I'm so in need of positive attention I ran after this woman to ask for a date. Me desperate much? FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 275

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 13/07/2025 14:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I visited my mom because I don't see her much due to her living 30 minutes away from me. They just recently fixed their AC. A few hours before I was about to leave, it broke again. I tried to be patient but it heated up to over 80 degrees inside, and I'm really sensitive to heat. Thankfully they weren't offended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 189

Felt cute, did delete later

By Anonymous - 27/03/2025 20:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I posted a picture of myself in a new outfit on Instagram. A few minutes later, my mom commented, “You look gorgeous, but why does your shirt look like it’s from the 90s?” I was too embarrassed to respond, so I just deleted the post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 180

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, the school called my dad telling him they want to put me on a diet, because they're worried about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 642

Today, I complimented a woman on her "beautiful pregnancy glow" at the grocery store. She wasn’t pregnant. She was holding a melon. I’ve never backed out of a conversation so fast in my life. Note to self: Don't go grocery shopping after a night of drinking and no sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 732

Today, I was at my best friend's wedding. As she threw the bouquet, I was punched in the face by another bridesmaid. Later, as I was explaining what had happened, I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 399

You deserved it 7 780

Today, I narrowly avoided a head-on collision in the parking garage. The other driver cussed me out. It's a one-way route through the parking garage, and I was going the right way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 936

You deserved it 1 541

Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 690

You deserved it 2 975

Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 766

You deserved it 4 679