The Top

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Charming

By rosabelle91 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 782

You deserved it 14 915

I'll give you 30 quid for one clarky cat

By allykat - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Brampton

Today, I bought my cat a fun toy at the one of a kind craft show. It has catnip in it, which he loves. He flipped out, so I took it away. He won't stop trying to break into the cupboard I put it in. My cat has a drug problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 534

You deserved it 5 880

Guildy pleasure

By SocialAnxietyNightmare - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I nearly had a panic attack when too many people joined my World of Warcraft party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 915

You deserved it 17 356

I just work here

By fishingforubies2 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, it was my first day working at a library. I expected it to be fun and peaceful, not to end up having to call the cops on a guy who started jerking off into a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 378

You deserved it 1 893

Spray it

By catwoman - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 372

You deserved it 5 558

Who is this?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, a telemarketer called and asked if they could speak to my "Mommy or Daddy." I'm 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 707

You deserved it 2 838

Rising Damp

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I'm the only one at work in a small office. The water tank sprung a leak. Guess who had to call the boss and get instructions via cell phone to turn it off? I can't even leave the office to change my soaked clothes, because I need to wait for an important phone call. Seven hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 480

You deserved it 2 520

I've had enough

By bcoper - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 715

You deserved it 3 332

Gun nuts

By Emily - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Hayward

Today, while sitting in a waiting room, a man assured me, "The safety's on" after he handed his kid his BB gun. A minute later, I practically had a hole in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 386

You deserved it 3 037

It's not what you think

By NotABeatenWoman - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Charleston

Today, I found out everyone in my neighborhood thinks that I'm a beaten woman due to the reoccurring ambulances in front of my house at night. My kid just chokes on everything, and they don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 514

You deserved it 2 438

Tasty treat

By empress gleskizor the third of glarkon - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I was eating an onion bagel and bit down on something hard. At first I thought was a really hard piece of onion. The "onion" turned out to be a tooth, and it wasn't one of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 947

You deserved it 1 369

Gassy

By Fartnonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Qatar - Doha

Today, it's been a week since I started farting in my sleep for no apparent reason. It's so frequent and so foul-smelling that my husband and I are both losing sleep and are having to take afternoon naps to make up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 067

You deserved it 2 749

Check this out

By :,< - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 656

You deserved it 2 678

The candidate

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 599

You deserved it 3 857

Harsh but fair

By darkangel7410 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Lafayette

Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After looking into it, one of the 1-star ratings claimed "mechanical problems". The description of the reason, "He drives a Ford." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 893

You deserved it 2 659

POS

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Pardeeville

Today, my dad might be dead. I'm basing this solely on the fact that he hasn't called recently to verbally abuse me as he often does. He constantly beat me as a child, yet now I'm kind of worried for the piece of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 672

You deserved it 1 320

TMI

By Workplace woes - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 565

You deserved it 1 076

Intervention

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my mom and I staged an intervention for my alcoholic dad. Within minutes he'd turned everything around on us, claiming we're in no position to judge him for drinking since we use "too much water" when we shower. Apparently that's on the same level as being an abusive alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 189

You deserved it 868

Let's slip out of here

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 971

You deserved it 100 944

Scorpio rising

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend was complaining of a scorpion sting on his leg. I told him to stop whining and get over it. Later, as I went to sleep, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. As I flipped on the light, I saw a scorpion crawling over the blankets. Now my entire arm is numb and I can't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 628

You deserved it 108 304

What's my age again?

By bullseyed - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I planned to drop a water balloon on my visiting prankster brother from my new apartment's balcony. As he crossed the street, I launched the balloon, and sent it right behind him. It hit an eight year-old on a scooter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 679

You deserved it 36 872

Ambien nights

By Sleepless Dreams - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 462

You deserved it 749

User error

By her0x3her0ine617 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received my camera in the mail. I had sent it back to the company because it wouldn't turn on. As I was reading the note they put in, it said, "Battery was put in backwards. No other problems found." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 267

You deserved it 47 224

Pavlov's service

By please stay on the line - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I was sitting in the break room when my boss came in and yelled at me about a mistake. Because I've worked in customer service for years, I instinctively responded with, "I'm terribly sorry to hear that, sir. I hope you'll still consider us in the future." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 181

You deserved it 979

He tried.

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I rejected a girl I work with because I have a girlfriend. That girl then posted on Facebook that she'd friendzoned me for being creepy. My girlfriend saw the post, believed it, and dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 397

You deserved it 346

Go away

By full of losses - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the day after my grandfather's funeral, my grandmother informed me I have 30 days to move out. I've been living with them for four years, helping take care of my sick grandfather. She's already changed the locks and won't unlock the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 671

You deserved it 458

Here we go again

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I went to the dentist and found out I still have a wisdom tooth. I got all four out last summer… or at least I thought I did. Now I have to go back and get it removed. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 643

You deserved it 238

Kids Say the Darndest Things

By Lolabunny - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United States - Anaheim

Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 117

You deserved it 420

Weird dude

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out that the threatening and insulting messages I received from my boyfriend's "stalker ex" were actually sent by him. Why? Because he cheated and he didn't want to admit it. I'm dating a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 766

You deserved it 311

The other shoe drops

By ConstantChoas - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out the procedure manual I've been creating for months and finally finished is going to be used to train the person replacing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 612

You deserved it 228

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I heard the guy I love talk to a friend of his. He was telling his friend how he appreciates all my attention, affection, and random gestures such as buying him lunch sometimes, but he’ll never see me in a romantic way because I’m “too fat for his taste.” I was basically used the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 262

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 121

You deserved it 6 011

Today I found out my husband was throwing a 50th surprise party for me, and no one RSVP'd because of my best friend starting arguing with everyone in a group text. This was going to be the first big party or surprise party that I'd ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 116

Today, when my son woke up from his nap, he sleepily reached up. I picked him up and gave him a big hug, and he immediately pushed me away. He wasn't reaching for me, he was reaching for the bag of chips on the table next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 013

You deserved it 6 701

Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 782

You deserved it 3 538

Today, I found out that my fiancé of three years, with whom I share a child, fell in love with my best friend and they’ve been going on dates for the last four months after work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 150