The Top

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Stop!

By Anonymous - 03/07/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to take a nice picture of my dad but he was just doing stupid-looking poses, so I got mad and told him to "stop acting like a prostitute" without knowing what that even means. Keep in mind, this was also in front of my mum and oldest sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 661

Freakout

By Anonymous - 05/07/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned my wife has an extra level of anger. First is sarcasm, then yelling, then the silent treatment, it’s been that way for our whole marriage. Turns out the level above that is hurling a sledgehammer at me. She still won’t tell me what I did to surpass the silent treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 123

Lovable but annoying

By Anonymous - 09/07/2025 01:00 - United States - Great Falls

Today, I was in Barnes & Noble and some asshole was walking around with his phone on speaker to hear the baseball game. That asshole was my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 144

Burgers? In this economy?

By Anonymous - 16/07/2025 08:00 - Peru - Lima

Today, I was hungry and I was trying to buy the cheapest burger at Wendy's, but I'm so broke that I had to call my friends to lend me some money. Ugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 172

Thank you for your service

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because I'm in the military and I'm gone too much. The reason I enlisted in the first place is because we agreed that the money and benefits I would earn would help us be able to start a family in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 370

You deserved it 4 067

I like to (not) move it move it

By vava101 - 25/07/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, my smartwatch detected what it thought was a fall and called emergency services. What was I doing? Dramatically flopping on the couch to binge-watch five episodes of a dating show. Paramedics showed up while I was still clutching a bag of Cheetos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 214

Toot toot

By I…… - 10/08/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I was relaxing on the sofa with the cat purring on my lap. My husband blasted an air horn. I'm now covered in cat scratches and piss, from both myself and the cat. I'm going to skin him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 92

The body keeps the score

By Sold my soul for 5000 - 26/08/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, a guy offered me five grand for a video call. As an OnlyFans model, I jumped at the chance. He wanted me to list off everything I regretted or disliked about my life while masturbating. Fifteen minutes later, I had the worst panic attack I've ever had. Six hours later and I'm still shaking and sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 532

Mixed signals

By Intheway - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the guy I've been dating told me that I need to stop hanging on him in public because it's ruining his game with other girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 718

You deserved it 6 182

Too soon?

By jobless - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a phone interview with my potential new boss. I was getting excited about the prospects of landing a great job. I had nailed every question the man asked me and right after he told me he'll call me tomorrow if he wants me to come in I sweetly said, "Talk to you tomorrow! Love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 504

You deserved it 58 537

Classism

By TrailerTrash - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise "moving in" party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 888

You deserved it 4 780

Get on with it

By Fred - 13/10/2025 09:00

Today, I got home at 6:30 after a 12-hour shift. I sat down on the sofa, and my wife immediately stomped in and said, "Why are you sitting doing nothing? Get up, there's a million things to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 79

Home alone

By Jdogg - 15/11/2025 00:00

Today, I was home alone, blasting music, dancing in my underwear, singing into a wooden spoon. I turned around mid-performance to see my landlord standing in the kitchen. I’d forgotten about the maintenance appointment I'd scheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 403

Lost the plot

By Petra - 18/12/2025 20:00

Today, I joined a conversation about a TV show at work, agreeing enthusiastically. After a few minutes, I realized they were talking about a completely different show with a similar name. I nodded along, trapped, hoping no one asked questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 105

Get a taxi

By Anonymous - 25/12/2025 20:00

Today, my wife walked into the bedroom in a vest top, a mini skirt, tights, and fuck-me heels. I thought I was gonna get some for the first time in months, until she came out with the dreaded statement, “I’m off out with the girls, can you stay awake? I might need a ride home later.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 96

Sitcom moment

By Anonymous - 29/12/2025 09:00

Today, my friends were criticizing me, a 36 year-old man hitting on a 22 year-old I met at a bar. I brought up that she’s a consenting adult. One of them responded, “Dude, the year she was born, you were old enough to jerk off and your voice was dropping… isn’t that a turnoff for you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 698

It's Klug

By Anonymous - 31/12/2025 03:00

Today, I brought leftovers to work in a Tupperware container for my lunch. When I opened the container in the break room, it smelled so bad everyone stopped talking. Someone asked if something was spoiled. It wasn’t. It was just my lunch. I ate it anyway, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 345

Stop pointing out my shortcomings

By Anonymous - 05/01/2026 12:00

Today, of all the things I have to be self-conscious about (my looks, my weight, my mental health…), I now have to be self-conscious of my breathing, because my brother says it’s “painful to listen to.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 108

Are you doing OK?

By Anonymous - 10/01/2026 20:00

Today, my son is only two but I'm already plagued by the idea of him one day having a wife or girlfriend. I'm being kept awake at night by the betrayal of something that hasn't even happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 797

You OK, dude?

By Newny_Newny_Newny - 18/01/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I got home from work after working 16 hours straight. I was naked on the toilet, just about to get in the shower, scrolling through my phone when I nodded off and FaceTimed someone by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 350

I know her so well

By Anonymous - 20/01/2025 00:00 - United States - Detroit

Today, I spent a good deal of my afternoon preparing a nice dinner for my girlfriend. When I finally served the meal, I proudly presented her with a beautifully arranged plate of salmon. She looked at it and said, “You know I’m allergic to fish, right?” We had cereal for dinner instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 754

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 21/01/2025 14:00 - United States - Clifton

Today, I got the chance to confront the guy who raped me when we were teenagers. Not only did he not remember me, he genuinely had no idea he'd done anything wrong, and called me a lunatic before walking away. The look of utterly sincere bafflement on his face is seared into my memory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 138

Local attraction

By Jefferson - 27/01/2025 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was jogging through the park and in my enthusiasm I thought I’d be able to jump over a bench in my stride. I tripped mid-jump, landed face-first in the grass, and scared a group of schoolkids who were on a tour of the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 511

Rotten

By anon - 05/02/2025 00:00 - Netherlands - Naaldwijk

Today, my roommate thought that "sour milk" would taste like sour candy. She left a jug of milk out for two days, then took a huge gulp, vomited everywhere, and dropped the jug. Now the kitchen stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 86

I've got blisters on my fingers

By Anonymous - 06/02/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I started out as a serious artist, I even got some of my work displayed in galleries. Now I live in my mom’s attic and I manage to pay her some rent by drawing furry porn for online perverts. I’ve drawn so many hair-covered buttholes I don’t even get upset anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 207

Overconfident

By Anonymous - 10/02/2025 09:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I tried carrying all my groceries inside in one trip. I succeeded, but also succeeded in tearing the handles, dropping everything, and rolling a can of soup straight under my neighbor’s car. Never trust cheap tote bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 382

Welcome to the neighborhood

By Desperate housewife - 13/02/2025 22:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I tried to make a good first impression by bringing homemade cookies to my new neighbors. I dropped the entire plate of cookies on their porch, and the dog across the street immediately rushed over and ate them. My new neighbors were very polite about it, but I’m pretty sure they think I'm a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 123

Slowly walking down the hall

By Rayray - 17/02/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I was walking down the hallway at work when I saw a coworker I hadn't talked to in a while. I went for a high-five as a friendly greeting, but she didn’t see me coming and instead awkwardly grabbed my hand like she was about to hold it. We both froze for a second, and then awkwardly sighed and practically ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 314

Notice me, please

By Anonymous - 26/02/2025 19:00 - Australia

Today, three people commented on my new haircut. The one I got about two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 142

Roadblocked

By Anonymous - 28/02/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of my house at 6:30am to find that some road workers had dug out a trench in the road right in front of my driveway, then fucked off, leaving their van up the street. There are no buses within walking distance so I missed a full day of work and my boss is pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 66

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The Top

Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 035

You deserved it 4 667

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted really loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 827

You deserved it 6 914

Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 047

You deserved it 5 043

Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 239

You deserved it 116

Today, my new roommate took a shower. This would be a good thing, except for the fact that it's apparently taken her two months just to take this one. I have to live with her for another year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 858

You deserved it 2 179

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 804

You deserved it 4 759