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They're indoctrinating our children… with pranks!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my eight year-old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mindfucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 826

You deserved it 4 011

Rough

By vela9002 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, on my flight to Vegas, I was wishing that a really cute guy would come sit in the seat next to mine. A few minutes later, a really cute guy sat in the seat next to me, and even started to talk to me. When I said, "I like rugged men," he said, "Oh yeah, me too, I really like buff guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 982

You deserved it 13 890

Scorpio rising

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend was complaining of a scorpion sting on his leg. I told him to stop whining and get over it. Later, as I went to sleep, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. As I flipped on the light, I saw a scorpion crawling over the blankets. Now my entire arm is numb and I can't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 628

You deserved it 108 306

Lumpy

By CantBlink - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Jersey City

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 097

You deserved it 2 790

Final destination

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad's cremated remains came in the mail. This is the first time in my entire adult life that he has visited me at my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 542

You deserved it 2 831

Bad joke, dude!

By Peterrulesall - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as a joke, I put a picture of a sonogram on my girlfriend's Facebook. Now her entire family hates me, and her mother has started the two-hour drive to come pull her out of college. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 3 477

Dropped the ball

By TrueStories - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a football sleepover with all of my teammates. I felt something near the bottom of my sleeping bag, and I pulled it up with my foot. My entire team watched me pull out a red thong. My parents had been on a camping trip the week before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 659

You deserved it 4 195

It's a sign!

By unknown951 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 047

You deserved it 4 830

Cheers!

By imamonster1992 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend got rejected by his dream college. In an effort to comfort him, I told him that he is incredibly smart and that it's their loss. He replied, "Of course you think so, you're an idiot!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 421

You deserved it 5 078

Can't take it anymore

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 094

You deserved it 6 608

Pranks gone awry

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, whilst I was in a corner deli getting snacks, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to drive the car 50 metres down the street so that I would be confused when I came out... She was picked up by a cop driving without her license and now my car is impounded for 28 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 601

You deserved it 3 452

FIRE!

By chinesef000d - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was sleeping in my apartment when I woke up to the smell of smoke. Alarmed, I ran out to the kitchen to find my roommates trying to put out a fire on the stove. As soon as they saw me, they ran for it, informing me that it was my problem now. They used my good frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 357

You deserved it 3 248

Ouch

By sadface - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 804

You deserved it 7 512

Fly my beauties

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my first graders released the butterflies we've been raising. The kids were sad that one had died in his cocoon and wouldn't be set free. Turns out that butterfly may have had a better fate: a flock of birds ate half of the others. Immediately after releasing them. In front of the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 161

You deserved it 5 520

Inspection time

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Monterey

Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 677

You deserved it 3 697

Indoctrinated

By workfordayzz - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that because of my construction job, I have spent such a huge amount of time with older, cynical guys that I keep uncontrollably using the phrase "fucking kids these days" regularly like an idiot. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 614

You deserved it 9 111

Karma

By fullmoonfml - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to moon people out of my friend's car window. I rolled down the window and mooned a random couple. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I had to get out of the car and pick up my phone and wallet, which were in my back pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 214

You deserved it 58 475

Innocence

By Hahapasdroleleptit - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was sitting on the bus following a harrowing breakup. A boy of no more than 6 looked at me full of compassion and said, "Are you crying because you're ugly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 416

You deserved it 6 012

Yes problem

By DarkDolly - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - France

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 457

You deserved it 3 237

The gush

By mwja - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 837

You deserved it 4 011

Howdy!

By welcome to the neighborhood - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I met my new neighbors. The first thing they did was build a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 890

You deserved it 1 936

Spooked

By awkwardpartybear - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 233

You deserved it 17 794

Whoops

By mmv - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my car into the shop to get a minor problem fixed. I left several hours later, without my car. Why? The mechanic crashed it while out on a test drive to make sure he'd fixed the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 546

You deserved it 2 210

Trick question

By howprofessional - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Dearborn

Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 090

You deserved it 47 498

Not my problem

By Anonymous - 19/05/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, my husband admitted to getting his side chick (who I didn't know about) pregnant. If that wasn't bad enough, he actually had the nerve to call me a "selfish bitch" for wanting a divorce and refusing to help raise the kid once it's born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 79

Erm, thanks?

By ninnang - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died." My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 501

You deserved it 3 583

Home sweet home

By Deadcat101 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my unemployed mother decided to yet again stay home and drink heavily. So far she's kicked me out of the house, tipped over our sofa, and thrown her vibrator out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 363

You deserved it 2 001

Keep the change

By hatemylife - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a group of Girl Scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought two bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 432

You deserved it 7 075

Down in the dumps

By lolographic24 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Norway

Today, it was my turn to take out the trash. While walking to the dumpster, I slip and fall. It doesn't really hurt, so I get up and go to the dumpster, but the top is frozen stuck. It won't budge. Then I really pull with a lot of force, and the lid swings open and busts my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 661

You deserved it 4 216

Bad reputation

By thanks, my fellow americans - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Woodlyn

Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 100

You deserved it 13 895

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my dad told me, in the form of a soliloquy, to have a better attitude about death and dying. I have terminal cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 110

Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for the night so she could calm down. All I did was suggest her headache might improve with paracetamol and a nap, as opposed to the burning sage stinking up our bedroom and the crystal wand she had pressed against her eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 216

Today, marks my third day of school being closed due to snow. One, and only one, of the teachers has decided that we have to do work online in the meantime. I just so happen to be in three of his classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 558

You deserved it 4 803

Today, my mother is such a helicopter parent, she wouldn’t let me go to my first appointment with my new gynaecologist without being in the room, to “keep an eye on him”. When I told her to stay out, she started screaming in the waiting room that I was going to be raped without her there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 352

You deserved it 112

Today, I was talking to a guy at the bar and I told him I was a biology major. He promptly said, "NEXT" and moved on to the girl next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 318

You deserved it 3 590

Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 454

You deserved it 30 941