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By LOTRfail - 27/07/2012 02:13 - United States - Malden

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 346

You deserved it 4 082

Upset

By APersonSomewhere - 31/03/2019 18:00

Today, it’s my 21st birthday. The people I invited over spent most of the time talking about their LARP group, which I am not a part of, and so could not participate, talked over what I wanted to watch, and then it ended with an intervention by them for me because they were upset that I was upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 059

You deserved it 274

By SexOnTheBeach - 11/10/2015 03:34 - France - Livry-gargan

Today, my boyfriend invited me to his new apartment for a candle-lit dinner. While we were having drinks, I got up to wash my hands. Thinking that he was watching me walking away, I turned around to send him a kiss. He was spitting in my cocktail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 79

By elena02 - 21/11/2015 19:45 - United States - Wayne

Today, my house is so cold that I chipped a tooth from chattering so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 454

You deserved it 2 970

By trashed - 30/03/2017 03:00 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I painted the guest bathroom. Once finished, I noticed the paint splatters on my arms matched my lily white chalky skin. Paint matches me better than my makeup. Guess I need a different paint, and new make up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 941

You deserved it 449

By Anonymous - 11/11/2015 08:51 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, one of my friends thought it would be funny to tell my psycho clinger of an ex that I still like her. It had only been a few months since she finally stopped stalking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 989

You deserved it 1 677

By areyoukiddingme - 02/11/2015 05:54 - United States - Marion

Today, my roommate blocked my phone number and won't speak to me. All because I mistakenly used her hand soap, thinking it was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 084

You deserved it 2 191

By Emily - 21/08/2011 04:54 - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 742

You deserved it 42 703

By StickyWicket - 14/05/2019 18:00

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 090

You deserved it 137

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 15:20 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 855

You deserved it 4 689

By steffansk1997 - 15/12/2016 21:08

Today, I had an appointment with the CEO of a big company about a game I'm going to make for them. The first thing I did after sitting down was to throw my coffee all over his desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 531

You deserved it 996

By really - 13/12/2016 08:24 - Australia

Today, after telling my boss about my hearing problem, she simply told me to "listen harder". FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 959

You deserved it 529

By Anonymous - 08/06/2019 00:24 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I was babysitting my friend's 12-year-old son while his dad was having an emergency procedure at the hospital. I walked into the den to see if he wanted to go out to dinner, only to find him watching Pornhub on my iPad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 626

You deserved it 432

By Polmkk - 14/02/2019 15:00 - United States

Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 732

You deserved it 5 462

By ouch - 05/10/2015 19:20 - United States - Stockton

Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 891

You deserved it 3 778

Nice try, dude

By bigbill - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was presented with a bill for $27,601 by my single, alcoholic, deadbeat father. Why? "For having to raise your goddamn lazy ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 000

You deserved it 3 116

Don't point out my shortcomings

By Anonymous - 20/06/2019 22:05

Today, I told my boyfriend that eventually I want to get my ears pinned back because I think that they stick out too much. I pulled my hair back to show him, and he said, "Yeah, they're different sizes too, and the left one sticks out more than the right one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 614

By Js2cool - 29/09/2015 02:32 - United States - Fitchburg

Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 098

You deserved it 7 128

By pokeloser - 24/06/2019 07:04

Today, my high point was still being able to recite all 151 generation one Pokémon in order, from memory. I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 633

By Ally - 27/09/2015 01:47 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I wrote a song for my boyfriend on paper. The first thing he did was correct my grammar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 033

You deserved it 8 482

By SariLone - 19/05/2013 18:02 - India - Mumbai

Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 012

You deserved it 8 682

By Anonymous - 14/11/2016 03:35

Today, I flew 1800 km with my two small children to a remote northern village for work. Our bags were lost, leaving us without winter gear and only one change of clothes. Just to make things extra fun, we now all have uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 124

You deserved it 1 055

By izazbouletz - 07/07/2019 22:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the nearby marina. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind a lighthouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 997

You deserved it 772

By stephscort - 11/05/2013 13:32 - United States - Middletown

Today, I saw my ex husband walking with his very beautiful, very pregnant wife. We divorced 7 months ago because he told me he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 651

You deserved it 5 591

stephscort tells us more.

stephscort 11

Monday 13 May 2013 1:39

I hate to admit this, but since he blocked me on Facebook, I made a fake account to find out and indeed, he is remarried and expecting a child. At first, I was confused and thinking, maybe it was just a friend or someone... then I got furious when I saw their wedding photos on Facebook. FML

By jennahh - 10/07/2019 22:00

Today, I had a sexual dream about my ex, and I woke up after saying his name. My boyfriend was awake, and heard all the dirty talk and me moaning my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 217

You deserved it 1 089