The Top

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The top of the year

You OK, bro?

By Anonymous - 28/09/2025 09:00

Today, at the gym I loaded way too much weight on the bench press. Halfway through my set, I got stuck with the bar on my chest, squealing like a squeezed rubber duck until a stranger rescued me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 471

Trapped

By Embarassed - 01/10/2025 22:00

Today, I wished my best friend a happy birthday with a long, heartfelt post on social media. Turns out her birthday is next week, she'd just set a trap by changing the date on her profile. I was so confident that I even added, “Finally remembered this year!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 357

My BFF

By Vicky - 12/10/2025 15:00

Today, I took my dog to the vet. He sat on my lap the whole car ride, licking my face and acting like my best friend. As soon as we got inside, he turned into a Tasmanian devil and pissed on my shoes, all while looking at me like I'd betrayed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 142

Not so smooth criminal

By Ughhhhhh - 14/10/2025 09:00

Today, I got burgled. Not only did he steal my TV and game consoles, but he took a huge diarrhea dump in my underwear drawer and wiped his ass with my tailored suit. The dry cleaner won't accept it because it's a biohazard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 63

Obsession

By Perfectionist - 20/10/2025 12:00

Today, it's been a week since I was supposed to be moved. I've had to work over because of network, data issues, and now a computation that's slightly off. The computation is optional, and there's no one at the federal office to even accept the report, but my stupid brain won't let me stop until it's fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 249

Why not both?

By Christine - 05/11/2025 09:00

Today, my 6 year-old daughter saw me putting on makeup and asked, “Mommy, are you trying to look less tired or more alive?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 121

Take the help you can get

By Anonymous - 07/11/2025 03:00

Today, I realized that no matter what kind of mental break, even just needing someone to vent to about night terrors and fears, my husband and mom will threaten to call a 72h psych hold on me if I so much as cry or be emotional at all. Then they'll forget me for two weeks and say "it's not a big deal." It makes someone want to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 115

Vicious circle

By Anonymous - 21/11/2025 09:00

Today, my doctor lectured me for 20 minutes about 'drug seeking behaviour' when I asked for more anti-anxiety medication. I need it because my shithead 15 year-old son found my pills and took them to get wasted. I need the meds in the first place because he's constantly pulling shit like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 189

Stolen valor!

By Anonymous - 23/11/2025 03:00

Today, I told my crush I’d bring homemade cookies. The batch burned so badly the smoke alarm screamed. In desperation, I bought store cookies, put them on a tray, and claimed them as mine. My crush said, “These taste store-bought.” I panicked and confessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 403

Sorry Mom

By daniel - 24/11/2025 22:00

Today, I sent my girlfriend a dick pic. I should have realized that "Morgan" is right next to "Mom" in my contacts list. I'm grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 431

Push on through the shame

By Anonymous - 02/12/2025 00:00

Today, my neighbor caught me practicing a “power pose” pep talk in my car before work. I froze mid-pose while he stared in confused silence. He gave me a thumbs-up, slowly backed away, and I drove off immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 300

Rip it up and start again

By Anonymous - 07/12/2025 09:00

Today, I realised I have no friends circle to call my own, no motivation to conquer the day, and no confidence to put my life back together, all because I failed the test that could get me closer to my dream job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 125

Remote

By Anonymous - 25/12/2025 00:00

Today, I heard a gunshot not too far from the house. This is not unusual, as I live way out in the boonies and hunters tend to roam the woods. What isn't normal is a stray bullet hitting my above-ground pool, which promptly split open and released a torrent of water that flooded my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 69

The DIY trap

By Anonymous - 28/12/2025 15:00

Today, I tried to save money by fixing a leaky sink myself. Fifteen minutes and three tools later, I had flooded under-sink cabinets and a new appreciation for plumbers. My landlord arrived with a wrench and a look that said ‘you’ll learn.’ I learned to call professionals first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 393

Work is a four-letter word

By Anonymous - 02/01/2026 22:00

Today, I am so paranoid from being bullied at work, I need time off. But because of the bullying, I am too paranoid to take leave. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 151

Third wheel

By sammy - 11/01/2026 20:00

Today, and since 2026 started, my two friends began liking each other and I'm very happy for them. The problem? They get so close (literally and figuratively) that they do things that make me feel left out (both subjectively and objectively). Everyone says it's normal, but when I was in love I never did that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 279

Impulse purchase

By Gary - 17/01/2026 03:00

Today, I wanted a Stranger Things flashlight, but I saw they were out of stock at Target so I ordered one on Mercari. The Target website later got more in, so I paid double the original price with shipping included. I’m done online shopping for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 464

Leeches

By Get out and don't come back - 29/01/2026 12:00

Today, my daughter furiously ranted on her social media that I kicked her out for dating a black man. Wrong. I kicked her out for getting pregnant with an unemployed lowlife who had the balls to ask if he could move into our house so he wouldn't have to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 90

Helper

By Anonymous - 02/02/2026 00:00

Today, a customer asked if we sold gift cards, and I confidently walked them to the rack... that had probably been empty for weeks. I stood there too long pretending to “look” while the customer waited politely. Eventually I said something dumb like, “We used to believe in them.” FM

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 338

Ho hum

By Awks - 05/02/2026 15:00

Today, as an Uber driver, I thought I’d finally mastered small talk. I complimented a passenger’s perfume, asking what it was. She said it was her mom’s, who'd passed away recently. The silence that followed made me spend the rest of the ride saying ,“Uh-huh” to the GPS like it was a conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 83

Derpina

By No, I am NOT!!! - 27/02/2026 00:00

Today, in our homecoming high school reunion, the batch's "derpina" broke cardinal rule #1, "No +1", by bringing her baby, brandishing her to everyone. When it was my turn, as I held the baby, she said her first word, "Daddy" and just like back in school, everyone started to tease me with her all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 296

It's called fashion

By Anonymous - 28/02/2026 20:00

Today, I flew some 1,800km cross country for a work conference. The trip involved an Uber, two trains, the flight, a bus, and the conference itself. My shirt was inside out the whole time, and not one soul mentioned it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 245

Grab it while you can

By Leann - 07/03/2026 22:00

Today, I had a blind date with someone who asked me for an evening out back on Valentine's Day. I was happy to have a date related to a special day. The catch: my date is a woman I know from work who has a crush on me. Should I feel good I agreed to time with another woman, or bad that it's my only date in 3 years? FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 265

Destination funerals

By Anonymous - 11/03/2026 12:00

Today, my parents said we can't go to our grandma's funeral because it's going to be held in Hawaii in accordance with her wishes and we can't afford to travel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 63

Acting up

By Anonymous - 18/03/2026 15:00

Today, I was passed over for a promotion for a role that I was acting in for a year because I'm not "qualified" for it. But I have to train the person who got the role on how to do the role that I am "not qualified for." The fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 17

Hooman! Do something!

By Anonymous - 22/03/2025 12:00 - Australia

Today, I was in the bathroom trying to unclog my constipated ass when my cat pushed the door open and walked in. She sat and stared at me for a good 10 minutes. Then, as if she had seen enough, she started loudly meowing for no reason. It was like she was judging me for reading a book she didn't approve of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 138

Sunscreen season is open

By Anna - 26/03/2025 00:00 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 553

Many such cases

By Anonymous - 29/03/2025 11:00 - Canada - Eastern Passage

Today, while trying to pick up dog poo, I tripped and landed in the pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 115

Time to unionize

By Anonymous - 31/03/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, when our boss told us he was giving himself the same raise as everyone else was getting, we thought he was finally being a decent human being. Nope. He meant it literally. His raise to himself is the same amount as the other 12 employees' raises combined. His raise is 12x what ours is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 76

Cozy

By Anonymous - 03/04/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, my husband fell asleep on my shoulder. He then ripped a nasty fart. I exhaled slowly but apparently loud enough that it woke up my husband who promptly screamed directly in my ear, before screaming a second time when he smelled the fart as well. The worst part is that also he scared my cat off my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 88

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The Top

Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 454

You deserved it 4 028

Today, I stole my brother's fuzzy slippers for the day as I usually do. Too bad he had been anticipating this and had left a mouse trap in one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 584

You deserved it 45 135

Today, my friend sent me a weird selfie in black and white. I sent one back, and she said I looked like an 80s porn star. It was funny, but then three of my friends had the same reaction. I didn't even look good in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 198

Today, I drove an hour in a rainstorm to go see my boyfriend. Thirty minutes and a blow job later, he tells me he's going to meet some friends for dinner in half an hour then kicks me out of his house. It's still raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 550

You deserved it 7 735

Today, as I sat down for my flight, I realised that the passenger I had to sit next to for the next seven hours was wearing a necklace made from tampon packaging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 154

You deserved it 2 080

Today, I realised my parrot loves to masturbate on anything soft I own, like my sweater, house socks, blanket, and even my hair bun on the top of my head. I only realised this when my boyfriend pointed out that my parrot was humping my bun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 341