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The spice of life

By Anonymous - 13/02/2026 03:00

Today, my girlfriend invited me over to her family’s house for dinner. Every dish was packed with onion, garlic, pepper, and some spices I couldn’t even identify. I couldn’t actually taste the meat or the side dishes. All the nuance had been obliterated. I think they might not have taste buds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 332

Is that a threat?

By Excessive Force - 22/02/2026 03:00

Today, my boss, who was in a heated dispute with a difficult employee, called me via our office chat program to deal with him. The program interrupts whatever you do, making it the priority window. I was in a chat with another colleague, making my response that they both saw, "I have many bullets to spare!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 156

Bad start

By Tum - 27/02/2026 12:00

Today, I was starting a new job that requires me to wake up at 4 am. I set three alarms but was so nervous about sleeping through them that I kept waking up to check the time, which caused me to miss my alarms. Goodbye awesome new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 136

Double life

By Anonymous - 04/03/2026 20:00

Today, I found out that the guy I’d been seeing for four months, with holidays, gifts, intimacy, meeting friends, the whole “building something” vibe, had secretly been on a dating app sleeping with another girl the whole time (she also still doesn't know). He lied, offered no apology, and justified his actions by saying, “We weren’t official.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 106

TMI

By Anonymous - 10/03/2026 03:00

Today, my son has been talking strangely all day so I asked if he was OK. He told me he gave his girlfriend oral for the first time and while trying to “get her there” he went at it so hard, he got tongue cramp, and it still hurts so it’s making him talk weird. As a mom, TMI son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 65

Bit of a stretch

By Anonymous - 15/02/2026 00:00

Today, I did a series of stretches recommended to me by my physical therapist to help with my hip pain. I must've done them wrong despite following the instructions exactly because when I went shopping and my basket upended itself and spilled on the floor, I was in so much agony I couldn't squat to get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 64

Never enough

By Hyeg - 03/03/2026 03:00

Today, I came home and asked my wife if she wanted to get eaten out. She just glared at me. Last week, she said all I had to do to make her want sex was asking if she wanted to get eaten out. It's been months since we had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 59

I'm fine, I'm OK

By Anonymous - 04/03/2026 22:00

Today, I was rushing with the dishes when I scraped against a very sharp knife, which left a noticeable cut right down my wrist. No one believes my story that it was a freak kitchen accident, they think that I’m either an attention seeking fucknut, or crying out for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 55

Long term goals

By Anonymous - 08/03/2026 12:00

Today, my whole family called me ungrateful and my parents are threatening to ground me because I turned down an invitation to go with my extended family to Hawaii for spring break. I literally just started a new part-time job, but they won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 93

Valentine is dead

By Anonymous - 17/02/2026 00:00

Today, for Valentine's Day, my husband spent all day promising me romance and a good dicking. Instead, his boss hit him with emergency overtime, our romance was defrosted lasagna, and he fell asleep during the dicking so I had to crawl out from under him and watch TV alone. I hate his boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 66

I don't want to 'catch up'

By Anonymous - 27/02/2026 20:00

Today, my stalker from 16 years ago has apparently come back. Hello, police protection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 38

Good neighbors

By S. from 45B - 13/02/2026 15:00

Today, I moved into a new place. I wanted to be a good neighbor so I baked banana bread and knocked on the door across the hall. The woman looked terrified, said “No thank you,” and closed the door. Building security later asked why I was “soliciting food.” Turns out there’s been a string of fake delivery scams in the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 66

How romantic!

By Anonymous - 15/02/2026 09:00

Today, it’s Valentine’s Day. My boyfriend promised me that instead of a packed chain restaurant we would have “dinner under the stars.” We ended up having Slurpees and Slim Jims in the 7-Eleven parking lot. He called me ungrateful for not appreciating his “romantic gesture.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 157

Sad boat

By Anonymous - 22/02/2026 15:00

Today, my best friend died in a car accident. I'm currently on a cruise with my family and my parents refuse to pay for me to go home early, which means I'm likely going to miss the funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 81

Bad week

By Anonymous - 26/02/2026 03:00

Today, just a little bit after midnight, my mom sends a Facebook post saying my stepdad is in the ER and is unable to walk. I'm a night owl, which was why I was up. This is after the rest of my family went to bed due to being sick with the new flu variant days ago. It seems like this week is just bad luck for my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 55

Cruise away

By Anonymous - 03/03/2026 12:00

Today, my mom booked my family a $250 spot for a dinner cruise. I'm a type 1 diabetic in diabetic ketoacidosis. I told her that I needed to go to the hospital as this could kill me. Her response? "WHAT ABOUT THE $250 I PAID FOR THE CRUISE?!" I guess she cares more about the money than the fact I might die. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 75

Give my regards to Broad Street

By LieutenantDimwit - 15/02/2026 12:00

Today, I was about to cross the fabled Abbey Road street crossing for a photo. Like an idiot, I didn’t pay attention to the road. As I began crossing, a lady on her e-bike frantically swerved out of the way and ate the pavement. In front of 30 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 591

Good luck!

By Anonymous - 03/03/2026 15:00

Today, it's my breaking point. I've been in a roommate-type marriage for too long and I've finally lost the spark of hope that made me stay. It's going to be a terrible process to rebuild my life but I can't deal like this anymore. I'd rather live in the dirt than another day here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 77

Smooth talker

By Anonymous - 13/02/2026 20:00

Today, whilst we were doing the deed, my boyfriend thought it would be super funny to say, "How does it feel to have a teenager inside of you?" He's 18 and I'm 20, with a year and a half between us. Mood RUINED. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 105

Extra layers

By wizard - 22/02/2026 22:00

Today, I've now lost two hundred pounds and learned that I actually do have a pretty decently-sized dick, it's just been buried under fat for most of my life. Too bad I'm 42 and nobody wants a damn thing to do with a 42 year-old virgin, unless you want to quote a stale Steve Carell movie and laugh at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 81

Make up for it

By Emily - 17/02/2026 15:00

Today, after I used the try-on foundation feature online and it matched, I'd bought it but it was way too light. I then found out that it wasn’t the right foundation and because I had used it, I couldn’t get a refund. I went back to buy the right foundation but my shade was out of stock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 159

Heavy sleeper

By Carm - 24/02/2026 22:00

Today, my cat thought it would be a GREAT idea to sleep in my bag. I only found out when I was driving to work. He isn’t allowed outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 135

White light

By Anonymous - 28/02/2026 12:00

Today, my brain hates me and refuses to let me sleep. No matter how physically exhausted I am, my mind just keeps racing. I just wanna get some sleep! FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 61

Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think

By Heathen - 07/03/2026 15:00

Today, we met my son's new girlfriend, who he met at church. My asshat husband cracked a joke about all the "new relationship sex" they must be having, offending her and angering my son, who said they were waiting for marriage. My husband retorted, "Who believes in that junk anymore anyway? Go have sex!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 109

It's our house, bitch

By Scared - 16/02/2026 00:00

Today, I've been trying to train the cats not to sleep on the bed, which is hard because they all adore my husband. I woke up in the middle of the night to him sleeping on his stomach and all three lying on him, staring daggers at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 326

Unacceptable behavior

By Next, please - 19/02/2026 15:00

Today, a company who interviewed me by phone for 15 minutes rejected my application, even though I passed a video portion previously. The first question was, "Tell us about yourself without talking about your work qualifications," and I talked about my daughter, skiing, and making sourdough bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 88

Superman

By Anonymous - 25/02/2026 00:00

Today, it was made clear to me my baby brother has been letting me win all our fights, because I accidentally left my truck parking brake off so it started rolling down the street, and he caught it and dragged it to a full stop. That things weighs almost a tonne. I can’t fight him anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 392

Sweet kids, what happened?

By Tico - 16/02/2026 03:00

Today, I discovered my parents' first Valentine's Day "date" picture. It shows them as 8 year-olds awkwardly smiling for the camera. Mom looked like a super dork with braces and headgear, and Dad looks weirdly like a really pretty girl in boy's clothes. I asked them about it, and now they won't talk to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 288

Panic

By Anonymous - 23/02/2026 09:00

Today, I was supposed to be on my way to Hawaii for a long-planned family vacation, but I had an anxiety attack that I couldn't explain. Now I'm lying in bed and crying, and my phone is blowing up with texts and calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 198

Very irritable bowel syndrome

By Anonymous - 11/03/2026 09:00

Today my wife made something from ultra salty fish she bought, and it was horrible. It set off my sensitive bowels within minutes. Now 15 hours later I’ve just had my first dry fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 19

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The Top

Today, my nephews decided to play with and break the antique hourglass I bought for my mom. It took months to find and cost nearly $500. When I told my sister, she refused to repay me and responded with, "What do you expect, they’re just little boys!" Her "little boys" are 12 and 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 581

You deserved it 199

Today, I closed the store on my own for the first time. As I was locking the front door, the key broke. Now half the key is stuck and the door is still unlocked. I have to stay until we open in the morning and I'm not getting paid for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 017

You deserved it 1 078

Today, I got into my car in the parking lot, or at least I thought I did. I sat down, buckled up, and only noticed something was off when a guy walked over from the shopping trolley carousel, opened the passenger door and said, “Can I help you?” Same car model, wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 133

Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 616

You deserved it 3 389

Today, I was using a public toilet when someone entered the stall next to mine. Instead of using the facilities, the person in there reached under the stall to steal my bag. Fortunately, I was holding the strap so they couldn't take it. Unfortunately, they decided to take my right shoe instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 937

You deserved it 2 317

Today, I was complimented for having amazingly lifelike warts as part of my witch costume, and was asked how I achieved the effect so well. I didn't have the heart to admit they were just my pimples under green makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 943

You deserved it 2 262