The Top

op here. it's always cool when your FML gets posted because in a weird way it makes the situation a little bit better lol. just some clarification, i started this job a little over a month ago and when i went to the orientation, they gave us $15 dollar gift cards. it was after a 9 hour shift when this sweet old man asked for some change. i remembered i had this gift card in my wallet for a month now and figured he would benefit from it more than i would. i was tired and it was dark outside, but i should have payed more attention. once i realized this mistake i quickly went back to my work, and luckily he was still there. he was very sweet and figured i handed him the wrong card, i gave him the right card and now everyones happy. i'm just glad it was him because god knows what any other person would have done with it.

Get out clause

By lanz4949 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, my superstitious girlfriend of 4 years sneezed in the middle of my proposal. She claimed it was a sign from the universe for us to break up and then immediately left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 810

You deserved it 3 847

By fuck off, dad - 04/04/2014 21:31 - Colombia

Today, my dad had a chat with my fiancé, telling him he can do better than me, and to think carefully before going through with our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 394

You deserved it 4 254

By Anonymous - 10/09/2009 06:02 - United States

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 45 minutes. I am an elevator mechanic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 693

You deserved it 6 968

By AppState - 01/03/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my dad had gotten a new cell phone. So I started to mess around with the cool features on his phone and stumbled upon some pictures he had taken. Next thing I know I'm looking at my mom going down on my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 335

You deserved it 27 373

Uncomfortably numb

By someone - 02/09/2009 11:00 - Denmark

Today, I went to the dentist to get a hole in my tooth filled. After the dentist had injected the anesthetic into my gums, she realized that none of the electrical equipment was working. She sent me home. My entire right side of my face is completely numb and swollen for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 170

You deserved it 3 028

Pure evil

By Anonymous - 29/04/2015 16:06 - South Africa - Pinetown

Today, my sister's kitten walked away from his litter box, jumped onto the table, looked me dead in the eyes, then peed directly onto my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 112

You deserved it 3 342

Timing

By iliterallypoopedmyself - 19/01/2012 01:54 - Australia

Today, I anxiously waited 8 hours for an important phone call. The phone rang while I was sitting on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 786

You deserved it 3 889

Hot and humid

By drooler - 06/08/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said, "You got me wet." Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said!" He replied "No, really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 323

You deserved it 40 803

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 10:38 - United States

Today, I cleaned my house after a big party. Everything was great when my parents came home. Except for the bottle of hot and spicy mustard next to the shampoo in the shower. No one knows how it got there. I'm busted because of mustard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 651

You deserved it 41 520

By gb739 - 19/01/2014 17:31 - United States

Today, I called my boss and said, "I have been awake since 3 a.m. throwing up." He replied, "Great, see you at 9." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 328

You deserved it 3 415

By me - 22/09/2013 13:34 - United States - Richmond

Today, I realized the only "person" I have talked to in the last two days is Siri. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 420

You deserved it 8 544

By imalwaystired - 21/01/2010 20:20 - France

Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After taking the pill, I turned around and smashed my head on the open cabinet door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 418

You deserved it 7 655

Crude

By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 01:24 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 006

You deserved it 5 059

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 15:23 - United States - Tracy

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 031

You deserved it 3 221

Don't push your luck

By go choke on a gonad - 08/08/2013 13:13 - United States - Dayton

Today, my fiancé asked for money to bail his brother out of jail, the same brother who happily spent a whole day recently trying to convince my fiancé that I've been cheating on him with my own cousin. So I said no. He shook his head in disgust and said that I'm "unbelievably spiteful". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 308

You deserved it 5 595

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 514

You deserved it 13 264

By Anonymous - 07/12/2009 03:32 - United States

Today, it snowed. So, a guy I like and I decided to go sledding. I really wanted to impress him by going down the hill and casually slowing down at the bottom right at his feet. Instead, I crashed into him and broke his ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 847

You deserved it 35 750

By mylifesucks - 02/12/2009 01:32 - United States

Today, I found out that my 2 week Christmas vacation my boss was talking about wasn't for this year, but 2010. I spent the day with my husband cancelling flights to Florida, and explaning to my 8 year old why we were not going to Disney World. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 501

You deserved it 4 974

By jezusflowers - 07/05/2009 02:26 - United States

Today, I stopped at a red light. I noticed the car in front of me had their reverse lights on. I thought to myself, "Meh, that person must know. They wouldn't do that." The light turned green. Turns out they didn't. Nor did they have insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 939

You deserved it 5 127

By areyoukiddingme - 01/10/2015 05:56 - United States - Phoenixville

Today, I met my boyfriend's other girlfriend. She then informed me that he has a wife, and that they have an open relationship. Thanks for keeping me in the loop, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 425

You deserved it 2 483

Special announcement

By tired - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad woke me up 3 hours early, after I'd been up very late the night before, because something "awesome" happened. Apparently the cashier at Dunkin' Donuts and I share the same first name. Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 442

You deserved it 3 698

By Faaccckkk - 25/03/2013 14:48 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to whimsically serenade me by throwing rocks at my apartment window and singing. He got the wrong window. Another guy answered, and now he thinks I'm cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 996

You deserved it 3 342

By Duckie W - 13/02/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 696

You deserved it 6 233

Not like that

By weirdo - 21/02/2010 08:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to send him a pic of myself being happy for his phone's caller ID. So I picked out a picture where I'm grinning a big grin, clearly very happy like he asked. He replies back, "You look weird there. Send a pretty one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 342

You deserved it 5 048

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was told I would also be covering some of my boss's shifts next week. She gets to go on a vacation to Europe with the bonus we earned her last year. That's why she was tightening our deadlines to the point where some of the employees had to hire babysitters for their children so we could stay at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 139

Today, my best female friend sent me a nude to make sure it looked good before she sent it to the guy she likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 898

You deserved it 544

Today, I caught a flight to see my boyfriend, who is stationed in the army 300 miles away. When I was just 15 minutes from the base he called to say that we should break up. Now I'm heading back to California, single and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 220

You deserved it 689

Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 618

You deserved it 15 146

Today, I was waiting for my boyfriend who evidently stood me up. I waited so long, the security came up and asked me to leave, because I was scaring the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 880

You deserved it 3 896

Today, I moved back home after unsuccessfully trying to find work in Florida, despite living there for nine months. About 45 minutes into my 18-hour drive home, a TV station called me to offer me a job interview. I applied for that job over three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 274

You deserved it 2 496