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By GabisayzRAWR - 21/03/2012 16:03 - United States - O Fallon

Today, I was out with my dog, who loves to bury things. He had recently torn apart his toy and buried it in the sand. I saw a piece of it sticking out of the ground, so I picked it up. It turns out that I was not holding his toy, but rather a dead bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 386

You deserved it 2 786

GabisayzRAWR tells us more.

GabisayzRAWR 0

Thursday 22 March 2012 2:52

Thank you :D we checked my dog and he was ok :)

Break in

By GodDaughter - 20/09/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, I was locked out of my house so I texted my cousin to come over and help me get in. She came over, stood on a chair and lifted me through the smallest unlocked window possible. Sadly, this was my bathroom window and I ended up head-first into my toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 690

You deserved it 10 010

By chillyinside - 10/02/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, my furnace broke down, almost a month after its twenty year warranty expired. It would have been replaced for free. Now I'm going to have to take out a loan to afford the $4,000 replacement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 575

You deserved it 2 723

Butterface

By khfhjfsb - 05/02/2014 00:41 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, the guy I was sexting asked me to stop including my face in the pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 070

You deserved it 22 535

By Fluffydemise - 19/01/2013 18:39 - United States

Today, while sledding with my daughter, I tried getting her to go down a steeper slope than she's used to. She was worried she'd crash, so I went first to show her how it's done. I lost control halfway down the hill, bailed, and rolled into a tree. My wife has it on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 160

You deserved it 14 149

Fluffydemise tells us more.

Fluffydemise 18

Sunday 20 January 2013 10:38

OP here. Just made an account. Will consider posting the video!

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 791

You deserved it 3 666

By nsb124 - 28/01/2015 08:07 - United States

Today, it was my brother's birthday. I was short on money but got him a present anyway. After opening it, he looked at it and said, "I didn't really want this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 826

You deserved it 2 829

By j0j0 - 19/11/2008 03:44 - France

Today, I tried demonstrate to my little brother that, unlike what he sees in cartoons, it is impossible to slip on a banana peel. I'm not too sure he's convinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 041

You deserved it 36 864

By ktreens - 19/10/2012 04:06 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I was getting out of the car when I saw a dark figure approaching me from behind a shed. I screamed and threw my bag. It also threw its bag, due to the fact that it was my shadow on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 797

You deserved it 26 455

By clubber - 04/11/2008 04:16 - Switzerland

Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want to upset my girlfriend, so I escaped to the bar. When I came back, I saw the same girl making out with my girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the one she was looking at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 347

You deserved it 9 048

By licensed_ginger - 08/01/2015 18:44 - United States - Barberton

Today, my boyfriend told me he didn't feel attractive. I tried to cheer him up by telling him that I find him very attractive, and so do my friends. He said that didn't matter, because my friends and I aren't attractive either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 504

You deserved it 4 369

By donezo - 26/06/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, while working at a fast food restaurant, I stayed a little overtime to help my manager with dishes. A kid pooped in the slide in the playground area attached to the restaurant itself. I'm the smallest one there. I had to crawl UP the slide to find and clean the poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 432

You deserved it 3 746

By lovesucks - 18/12/2009 20:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that the most kisses I ever get are in text messages from my Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 018

You deserved it 4 136

Creeped out

By Seline - 25/11/2010 14:48

Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 638

You deserved it 4 328

Happy Caturday!

By cat lady - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Norway - Egersund

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 084

You deserved it 11 831

No one's favorite

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I bought my mom a gift certificate for a spa treatment for two so we could spend some quality time together. She took my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 849

You deserved it 3 807

By DriveMeNot - 27/10/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, I reached into my pocket and found my mom's car keys. I'm a four hour drive away, and she obviously can't come to pick them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 726

You deserved it 7 373

Smugglers unite

By atang - 09/04/2009 09:16 - United States

Today, I was leaving a clothing store when the security guard stopped me and demanded that I surrender the clothing I was "trying to steal" by hiding it under my shirt. It turns out, he was just looking at my pot belly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 959

You deserved it 11 458

Dracula sucks

By (-,..,-) - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I lost out on a job opportunity because the interviewer said my "fake fangs are unprofessional and frankly disturbing." The "fangs" are my real canines, and they have always looked this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 811

You deserved it 1 849

By hamburglar - 11/08/2016 18:46 - United States - Irving

Today, I ordered two double cheeseburgers from McDonald's and asked for one of them without pickles so they would think I was ordering for two people. Both burgers were for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 533

You deserved it 8 521

By Alex - 30/09/2009 06:46 - Belgium

Today, I was notified that I've been going to the wrong courses for 4 weeks. A friend of mine was the only person to tell me that the administration had taken the privilege to change my courses. I have now failed 5 courses due to absences and have been suspended from college for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 685

You deserved it 5 395

By mommy_issues - 29/08/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 196

You deserved it 4 528

Hush!

By spaz - 14/03/2011 01:49 - United States

Today, my dog started barking very aggressively. Thinking she'd started another gruesome fight with my older dog, I jumped up from the couch, spilling my coffee all over my laptop and dress, and knocked over a vase my grandmother gave me. She was barking at her own shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 931

You deserved it 13 726

By Hi-Tech - 03/03/2015 15:34 - Europe

Today, I got a laptop for my birthday. I was thrilled until I realized that my mom had given away my old one without asking. 6 years of games, music, and pictures down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 463

You deserved it 2 752

Tasty

By Emily Salt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, whilst nibbling on my husband's ear, I swallowed a lump of his earwax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 028

You deserved it 25 677

By unknown - 13/12/2011 02:04 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing out, he yelled at me through the door for not locking it. He made up the "no locking the doors inside the house" rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 399

You deserved it 3 139

Knight

By Racked - 01/03/2016 18:00 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, I walked my girlfriend home. As I kissed her goodbye, I heard a high-pitched scream and turned just in time to see her little brother charge head-first into my nuts. All because I kissed her on the cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 249

You deserved it 1 929

By killme - 29/02/2016 07:00 - Canada - Belleville

Today, I had to pee in a cup. The cup almost overflowed. My first instinct was to drink some so it didn't spill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 559

You deserved it 23 603

By Hunterisawesome - 18/11/2011 19:24 - Reserved

Today, I received a fine for leaving my car at the airport. Each day it's been there, they added an additional $50. My car was stolen two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 914

You deserved it 2 478

Hunterisawesome tells us more.

Hunterisawesome 8

Saturday 19 November 2011 17:49

I did report, but all they told me was that theyll look for it. I didnt have to pay the full fine but still paid $120

By got any coupons? - 23/12/2014 15:24 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of six years. She got mad at me, saying she is too young to get married and that I was trying to ruin her career. She is 32 and works part-time at a grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 007

You deserved it 3 415

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Today, I’ve been getting a lot of strange messages from guys on the dating site I use, then I realised why: on my profile pic I'm sat down and you can see my nice underwear up my skirt. That explains the messages, they thought I was trolling for men to hump and dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 1 035

Today, I trusted my mother-in-law to watch my 3 year-old son while my husband and I were at work. She fell asleep while watching him and he somehow opened the door, ran outside, fell and scraped his knee. Her response was, "Oh well, what doesn’t kill him makes him stronger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 272

Today, it was my 18th birthday. Nobody said anything. Gillette sent me a free razor though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 310

You deserved it 3 155

Today, I found out that the guy I've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me "Baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 036

You deserved it 70 700

Today, my friends and I went paintballing. The instructor showed us the sound of an unloaded gun by shooting at my face. It wasn't unloaded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 906

You deserved it 3 558

Today, and since his retirement, my husband's enthusiasm for life has declined, his love of beer and crisps has skyrocketed, and his interest in personal hygiene has plummeted. Add to that his wearing of old, worn clothes with holes in he almost completely looks like Onslow from 'Keeping Up Appearances.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 182