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U wot m8?

By _Asykes_ - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff

Today, I started a new school, after moving from England to New York. People only talked to me just to hear my accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 100

You deserved it 2 503

By ThatGirl - 19/07/2012 15:30 - United States

Today, an idiot decided it would be fun to light up a firecracker in front of our house. It ended with firetrucks, a black yard, and yet somehow the weeds survived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 577

You deserved it 2 207

By RIP - 15/07/2012 05:02 - United States

Today, my mom came over to me and whispered something in my ear. I didn't hear it and assumed it was a joke, so I started laughing. Turns out my aunt died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 430

You deserved it 28 479

By hannahka - 29/08/2014 18:09 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 274

You deserved it 3 484

By Bridget - 11/05/2013 04:01 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I found out I have something in common with three other girls. We all have the same boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 289

You deserved it 5 739

By seriousdubsteplover - 30/10/2009 05:08 - Australia

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 695

You deserved it 2 175

By unloved - 23/03/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded, "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded, "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 965

You deserved it 8 720

Works out well

By Ann - 18/03/2013 14:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend informed me that from now on during sex, I have to be on top at all times, saying I need the exercise more than him. As offensive as this was, I was actually happy because he's crap on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 537

You deserved it 9 237

Road rage

By notapetkiller - 26/07/2016 06:12 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, while in the car with my mom, we accidentally ran over a dog who had sprinted into the road. Instead of stopping, my mom continued to drive as if nothing happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, she merely talked loudly over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 021

You deserved it 1 638

By alyssaamarante - 13/06/2015 02:41 - United States - East Northport

Today, I decided to go thrifting to save some money. Ironically, I ended up having to pay for an emergency trip to the hospital because somebody was too lazy to wash the cat hair off their clothes. I'm severely allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 372

You deserved it 8 981

By kimosabe - 02/03/2009 19:58 - United States

Today, at work a woman came up to the check out counter and when I greeted her she said "oh honey, you are so beautiful!" I immediately smiled and thanked her, then she looked at me and said "oh, not you." and then pointed to her ear. She was on her bluetooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 955

You deserved it 6 757

By tommy3824 - 20/08/2009 12:45 - United States

Today, was the first day all week I got to sleep in. I woke up this beautiful morning to the sun shining in my window and hundreds of carpenter ants crawling over my sheets and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 584

You deserved it 3 091

By Anonymous - 21/12/2012 04:05 - United States - Springfield

Today, in the "end-of-the-world" spirit, I asked my boyfriend to marry me. His response was, "It's really windy out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 033

You deserved it 29 331

By Feronia - 18/03/2015 13:16 - Netherlands - Goes

Today, I sent my father a text asking when he was finally coming to meet his 4-month-old granddaughter. His response? "I forgot." He forgot he has a granddaughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 728

You deserved it 3 579

Feronia tells us more.

Feronia 12

Friday 20 March 2015 4:37

I'm the OP. He is most definitely not suffering from any disease that could impair his memory, and even if he did, his girlfriend could have reminded him. He is suffering from being an immense asshole. He never was much of a father to me, but he bawled like a baby when he got the news about my pregnancy, visited me in the hospital where I was waiting for the last 1.5 months before going into labor and I expected him to become a bit more involved. To the people saying maybe the family is too big: I am his only daughter, this is his first grandchild. He has no nieces, no nephews and no young cousins. So it's impossible to drown in babynews in my family.

By Mark - 27/02/2015 18:24 - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 884

You deserved it 2 726

By Anonymous - 08/12/2011 18:14 - United States

Today, marks the two weeks since my paycheck should have arrived. During these two weeks, my battery has failed, tire has blown, and my phone and water bill have become past due. When I called the guy who's supposed to pay me, he said he has a note about it "somewhere on my desk". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 844

You deserved it 2 314

Sick sex, dude

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 02:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the room and went to the bathroom to throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 525

You deserved it 5 238

By Anonymous - 28/11/2014 17:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 373

You deserved it 4 661

By bandit99999 - 19/08/2011 18:59 - United States

Today, to keep my phone safe while I went on some rides, I took it out of my pocket so I could put it in my bag. Just as I pulled it out, a woman ran into me, knocking my phone to the ground and breaking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 079

You deserved it 2 861

By Anonymous - 27/06/2012 20:01

Today, I used a red-eye removal tool on one of my photos. I quickly realised how bad my acne is when the software couldn't distinguish between my eyes and cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 377

You deserved it 2 930

By redneckfamily - 24/05/2013 07:06 - United States - Roy

Today, I realized my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawned from my grandpa's garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 035

You deserved it 3 685

By tenthousandspoon - 13/09/2010 00:08 - New Zealand

Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 855

You deserved it 3 056

By Anonymous - 17/04/2012 20:53 - United States - International Falls

Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 407

You deserved it 2 048

Thanks for your help

By forgotten - 28/02/2013 00:42 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I saw my car being broken into on the street below my apartment. Too scared to stop them myself, I called the police. Before I could even tell them what was going on, they put me on hold. It was a good 5 minutes before I realized they'd hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 234

You deserved it 3 998

By Anonymous - 21/05/2010 00:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a pair of ankle weights for my birthday. How utterly romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 627

You deserved it 5 252

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 23:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I came home to my wife packing a bag. We had been fighting recently and I understood why she was leaving, but then I noticed she wasn't packing her stuff. She explained that I was the one who was leaving, she was just packing my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 709

You deserved it 2 285

Sensitive

By owmyhead - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - South Africa

Today, I woke up with a fever and a migraine. I work at an audiology clinic and my day consists of being shouted at down the phone by practically deaf people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 889

You deserved it 3 216

By Reeen - 03/06/2016 22:29 - United States - Pittsboro

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 714

You deserved it 1 248

By Anonymous - 15/03/2015 03:02 - United States - Lake Forest

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, some homeless person came up to the window and started doing a voice-over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 506

You deserved it 13 983

By Ecolo-girl - 11/03/2016 06:22 - France - Quint

Today, my wife, the budding environmentalist, who is also 6 months pregnant, threatened to leave me because according to her I'm responsible for the world's deforestation. I'd only drawn her a picture of her with our baby-to-be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 60

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Today, my dad died recently and as I was going through photos of his bucket list trip to Paris, I realised I’m not in a single damn one of the photos. Why? Because during all the big photo moments, I was the stupid bastard taking the pictures. Now I have no photos of us together on his last trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 135

Today, I'm stuck at my minimum wage job, listening to people who make twice as much as me complain that, "they only get the week off for Thanksgiving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 141

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 256

You deserved it 5 581

Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 313

You deserved it 13 165

Today, my husband and I are temporarily moved into a cheap apartment in town until settlement for the house we are buying. So far, from my balcony, I’ve a watched a drug deal take place and a man scratch at the ground then lick his hands. It’s going to be a long three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 858

You deserved it 245

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to have over 200 people show up at my house to celebrate my wedding anniversary with my husband. Apparently, this was his "I'm sorry" present for missing my wedding last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 114

You deserved it 704