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I am 24 years old and have been married for 4 years, own my own home etc. I went to private schools and uni, all the "good family" crap. But in reality, my mother is just off the rails, and my father is just as bad. She's always been like this, and it was ok when it was just me she was trying to hurt me but its gone beyond that now. Calling it quits and keeping well away from her. And she dosn't take sugar.

By plantfood - 06/08/2011 06:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend showed me his penis for the first time. All I could think to say was, "That's a clean circumcision." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 258

You deserved it 9 098

plantfood tells us more.

plantfood 4

Sunday 7 August 2011 7:12

Deep conversation for FML.

By my ears are dying - 22/06/2011 18:37 - United States

Today, my five year old niece decided to wake me up by shoving blasting earphones in my ears. Five hours later I can still hear Justin Bieber shrieking "Baby". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 446

You deserved it 5 354

Drunk with power

By fannylover - 18/02/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren't allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for "goofing off" when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for "attempting to defy them". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 146

You deserved it 3 040

By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, while on my run, I was attacked by my neighbor's new dog. It apparently didn't like me running past their house and broke free from its chain. I now have stitches and was just told that I'm probably being taken to court for the emotional distress I caused her and the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 769

You deserved it 2 801

By Anonymous - 10/03/2010 20:53 - United States

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 435

You deserved it 61 531

By calidumbass - 14/01/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before. I'd fled the scene to avoid having to pay hefty damage fines. I would have gotten away with it too, if my license plate hadn't fallen off and incriminated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 658

You deserved it 121 697

History check

By Anonymous - 07/12/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, after being yelled at by our boss because the office computer server has yet another virus, my co-worker and I did a bit of investigating. Apparently, the viruses aren't coming from client emails as we previously assumed. It seems that the problem is really our boss's porn addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 378

You deserved it 2 591

My eyes! My eyes!

By someone - 29/07/2011 18:26 - United States

Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 850

You deserved it 5 396

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I'm German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, my teacher laughed at the "irony." Something like this always happens whenever I tell people my background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 004

You deserved it 5 549

By Person15 - 26/11/2011 23:13 - United States

Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 395

You deserved it 10 489

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 15:14 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 567

You deserved it 16 030

Strong bonds

By Anonymous - 02/05/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, my 6 year-old daughter asked, "What would happen to me if you and daddy died?" I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said, "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 102 498

You deserved it 10 028

By Chellybelly92 - 01/07/2013 15:34 - United States - Allentown

Today, while waitressing, I had a huge party. When everything was said and done I saw the tip they left me. It said on a napkin, "You're pretty. You can't put a value on a compliment." And that was it. I wish compliments paid the rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 343

You deserved it 4 129

Chellybelly92 tells us more.

Chellybelly92 14

Monday 1 July 2013 20:17

Wow this made it. That day was kinda bad for tips and that just topped it. But I made a good amount it's just probably gonna be a rough month with money but I'll make it. Thanks guys.

By Username - 16/09/2010 23:27 - France

Today, I decided to dye my hair to freshen up my appearance. I asked my husband for his opinion, expecting him to recommend a color. He then asked me why going on a diet wasn't my first option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 930

You deserved it 11 498

By newmother - 05/12/2010 13:38 - Australia

Today, I went into labor with my first child, and as much as I pleaded, I had to wait for my husband to finish his raid in World of Warcraft before he'd take me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 261

You deserved it 11 887

By Tasha_1996 - 09/12/2012 10:14 - Canada - Outlook

Today, after two weeks of being grounded, I was finally let out of the house by my mom. I had to call her at 1am asking her to come get me, because I got so drunk, I told my ride to leave without me. I'm grounded again after less than a day of freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 139

You deserved it 82 910

Tasha_1996 tells us more.

Tasha_1996 10

Saturday 22 December 2012 22:56

Hello everyone. I didn't know my FML got posted until now. This was more to express what an idiot I am than to be told I'm an idiot. For people asking questions, I'm 16 and live in Saskatchewan. A small town where there's **** all to do. There is nothing wrong with my mothers parenting, I respect her for coming to get me and grounding me. I was grounded for another month after this happened and am going to addictions councelling starting the New year. I was out last night, first night off of grounding again and didn't have a sip of alcohol. Originally, I wasn't going to comment. But I figured you guys deserved an update. Yes I deserved it.

By pimples - 06/08/2011 13:08 - Australia

Today, I was going to kiss my girlfriend for the first time. As I leaned in, closed my eyes, and was about to kiss her, she pushed me away and said, "Not with that pimple on your chin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 503

You deserved it 6 670

guitar_god7007 tells us more.

guitar_god7007 3

Sunday 7 August 2011 14:15

Wow. It actually got through. Thanks people. Now everyone can laugh at my unfortunate existence. For those of you wondering, it was our first date, I had arranged it by phone, that's why I hadn't kissed her yet. And my pimples grow really big, really quickly...

By bastard magnet - 02/10/2011 22:14 - United States

Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 110

You deserved it 7 965